Krishnanena

Table of Contents
1. CHOCOLATE WRAPPERS 1
2. PINCHU, JAARU AND KAERU 10
3. PRAYERS… 15
4. PRECIOUS UGLINESS 19
5. SCUFFLE 26
6. AS THOUGH I HAVE SECRETS… 28
7. THOSE MISCHEIVIOUS DAYS…. 34
8. TRAVEL AND COIN 41
9. TOWARDS DESTINY… 47
10. WAR – A PUPET SHOW 50
11. FISHERWOMAN, WHO FISHED HEARTS.. 57
12. WITH DEEP REGRETS 71
13. JEALOUSY 76
14. GANGSTER’S GAME AND THE VAPORIZING LANE:- 80
15. YESTERDAY, A TREE… TODAY A BIRD… AND TOMORROW, A SONG… 86
16. SOUL HEALER… 91
17. MELODIOUS HEARTS… 98
18. RIVERSIDE MEMORIES… 101
19. WHEELS :- 106
20. LOVE@FACEBOOK… 111
21. LAST GOOD-BYE… 116
22. GLASS HEART’S REFLECTIONS… 122
23. A DARK BLUE CAR… 125
24. ONE SIDED LOVE: 126
26. SONAI AND NANDHA… 132
27. POLICE.. POLICE.. POLICE.. 134

CHOCOLATE WRAPPERS

“Hey don’t drive too fast. If you don’t slow down your speed, I will say to our papa,” sitting in the back seat of my bike, Bulti warned me.
“Don’t panic, I am driving slowly and safely only, you just shut up and hold well,” I told without minding her and overtook another bike on the way towards my home. I drove a little fast as I didn’t want to miss the cricket match of that day.
“Stop the bike else I will jump,” she shouted.
I stopped the scooter and asked, “What happened?”
“You are driving too fast better I would come home by walking,” she started staging a drama and as usual I had to beg her to get back in the bike.
It had been only a week since my parents had allowed me to go to our school in this new scooter. Up to my sixth standard, my papa dropped and picked us in his bike every day. From seventh standard, we went in our school bus owing to our elongated tuition timings. Even during those times Bulti used to fight with me for the window seat.
Now I am a grown up boy of tenth standard and I have got my special classes. The convenient way for me was to go to the school with this scooter else it would be difficult for me to manage the additional special classes studying time and the travelling time. Thus, I created a situation as if scooter was indispensable and I had used the chance wittily and bought a scooter to drive to my school. Unluckily, this cunning-fox also stuck with me and the duty to drop her and pick her at the school fell on my head. As far as I know, Bulti was not a trouble only to me and our parents but also to the whole of her class students. As she was the brightest student of her class, she was always chosen as the representative by her teachers. And I have heard many of her class mates complaining to me of how Bulti rudely noted down the names of the people who talked and cunningly made them to be get punished by our Head-master.
It was one winter day. There was a heavy rain outside because of which our schools had been announced as holiday for three days. We both made paper boats and enjoyed the rain. After making two or three paper boats, she went to finish writing her record works. I came and accidentally spilled some droplets on her notebook. She angrily cried. Then the fight lasted for three days and didn’t end. School began next day. In the morning, she refused to come to school in my bike, but our mom forced her. After I dropped her, she didn’t even say goodbye as it used to be, she just went as soon as she got down from the bike.
During the morning sessions, I couldn’t listen to the class as I was filled with guilt and so I decided to apologize and patch up with Bulti. She was my devil, she was my enemy, she was my friend rarely but she was the one with whom I had spent most of my time. She had always been like this, fighting with me all the time. Things never worked in between us. Bulti and I never had a reason to fight but we often fought with each other on all the possible things. I would beat her whenever my anger crossed its limits and she would bite me too. Then after she would cry, I would ask sorry and console her begging for forgiveness and to conceal this issue from our parents. Some days we wouldn’t talk with each other and we wouldn’t touch each other’s things, thereby building a virtual boundary inside our house. Nevertheless one or two days later we would patch up by tearing the Asai chocolate wrappers which was taught to us by our papa.
We would hold the chocolate wrapper in between our fingers, saying,
“I may fight, you may fight
I may cry, you may cry
But under this blue sky
We wouldn’t separate”
Then we would clap our hands, laugh and join our hands merrily thereby ending our fight.
She and I may fight with each other but without her my days wouldn’t be splendid. I still remember the rainy days in which after the rain had stopped we would go for the mushroom hunt. We would pluck as much of mushrooms as we could and our mom would cook delicious mushroom gravy for us. And every time, Bulti would take some mushrooms from her plate and put it on mine. She was good and affectionate towards me but still the jealous devil in her was the one which made her to get beating from me often.
That day, in the recess, I approached her class with handful of Asai chocolates. Some new girl stood with her. This girl, who looked exactly like a heroine (whom most boys of our class had a crush) looked very shy. Seeing her appeared to me as if a lotus from the pond slipped on the shores, got arms and legs and was incarnated into a girl suddenly. I was awestruck by this girl. Meanwhile, Bulti got the chocolates. We both tore the wrapper of a chocolate and patched up, new girl watched it amusingly. Bulti being happy with me took her eatables box and gave it to me for sharing it with my friends. While leaving, I focused on the new girl without even caring that Bulti was seeing. Then after I was afraid that she was so beautiful and this story was going to change as another fairy tale story, and soon everything would end up as my imagination. The moment I saw her I wanted to make her mine, show to my friends and make them jealous. That glowing fire in me was burning all my emotions and devouring all my desires. One moment I wished to hug her tightly and handle the rest of things, whatever it might happen. It’s all going to be worth even if someone was going to take a gun and shoot me down for this. I became too cunning and selfish all of a sudden as all I wanted was to make her mine and roar that I have got her. As I thought, Bulti couldn’t keep her mouth shut in that night. She kept on saying about the new girl, from which I came to know that her name was Maziya.
Seeing that girl had casted in me a new effect. In days and nights followed, I was mesmerized by her may be because I was at the age of getting mesmerized by some girl and I accidentally met a girl from my sister’s class or may be from heaven. I wanted to drag her to the doors of Moon and float in the open sky like angels do. And soon I realized I had fallen in love with her.
One day when we returned from our school and went to play in the government ware house, where wheat and other cereals had been stalked, we saw a dog with blood oozing out from its head lying dead.
“Some vehicle must have caused this to him.” She told me.
“Some bastard did this,” I told.
We went to burry that dead dog. During that time, we discussed how unkind we were by eating animals, thereby taking out their precious life away from them. Bulti told me Maziya didn’t even eat eggs because of this reason…
Then after, I had to fight with my parents every time, to refuse including non-vegetarian food. I was already too lean and they worried for my protein deficiency, when I refused to have meat.
I tried to talk with Maziya, so I went to Bulti’s class often. I had to cajole Bulti all the day to gain spending one or two minutes with Maziya. During our recess I developed a new habit of seeing my sister with chocolates. Poor Bulti, she thought I was doing all these for her. Maziya stood with her mostly. I behaved gently with my sister only to impress Maziya. Sometimes my sister wouldn’t be there. One such day, I called Maziya and tried beginning a conversation by asking where Bulti had gone.
She said,”Bhaiya, she went to rest room she would come soon”
“Don’t call me as Bhaiya. I am not happy with it. Call me as Pazhani as the way my sister addresses me.”
When she addressed me as her brother, it was like a lighting shot at my loving rose called my little heart. The next week I started to give chocolates to Maziya also. Though she refused to accept, Bulti and I forced her to have them. One day suddenly my sister told she had fought with Maziya and she won’t talk with her hereafter.
“Idiot, drama queen, I am going to kill you” I told in my mind and asked her of what happened actually.
“She got my geometry box, lost it somewhere and now refuses to buy me a new one saying she never got it from me.”
Had it been some other day I would have used my power of a brother and knocked her in the head but today I can’t. She got the key to the girl who holds the lock of my heart. So all I did was to convince her saying she shouldn’t miss a good friend for this. I told her I would buy her a new geometry box and I would voluntarily speak with Maziya and solve the problems between them. So did I.
Soon, we all become better friends. I treated Bulti well and Bulti said stories about me towards Maziya, which helped to create a good impression of myself to her. It was from then I started to treat my sister well knowing that I should first become her hero in order to become a hero in the heart of that new girl. Love requires a lot of sacrifices. For Maziya I had to sacrifice many things for my sister. I had to sacrifice my pocket money for buying bangles and nail polishes. I had to bear myself laughing again and again over her boredom jokes. Moreover, I had to correct the massacara in her eyes. Still Bulti behaved as if she didn’t understand my motive.
Our eleventh standard began I almost got familiar with Maziya yet still she maintained a distance from me. As days proceeded, she too joined in. We started to eat our lunch together under the Neem tree in our school. She was from a much conserved family. She and my sister are very close. On that day Bulti wasn’t feeling well and she had got chicken pox. When I told her about this, she immediately dragged me inside the church and we both kneeled down and prayed for her. She was Muslim and I was Hindu and we prayed in a church, when I asked her she told, all our Gods are same.
That Neem tree was our nature-gifted castle. Owing to this, Maziya and I become familiar. We shared a lot of stories, but still I was not able to convey what my heart held for her. In this way my eleventh standard ended and twelfth began for me, while Bulti was in her tenth standard. Then Bulti started to bring Maziya to our house often. Sometimes they asked doubts from me but I managed to escape saying that syllabus had changed from what I had studied.
That day Bulti and I were walking in the pedestrian pathway of our school, which was lined with red and yellow color floor tiles one after another in a beautiful manner. She complained to me about the boys who were big trouble to her in her class and told me that I should warn them. Instead of listening to her chatters, I concentrated on red colored floor tiles and stepping only over those. I was careful not to step on yellow ones at any cost. Bulti got irritated and scolded me,
“Act like a grownup for heavens sake. You are studying eleventh standard bhaiya.”
“Shut up! You don’t know how much happiness it brings to me” I shouted back which made her to walk away from me angrily.
It took two days for us to patch up once again. I bought her a branded massacara through my Muslim friend, Hafiz. Exam holidays began, Bulti was asking me whether her dress was looking good and her massacara was too dark or not.
I said, “Why you want to look beautiful? You girls do all these things in home and sway the hearts of boys; thereby giving an everlasting pain and when they ask your heart you respond to them angrily. Isn’t it fair?”
“You boys are stalkers. A girl knows when to fall for a boy and for whom she should give her heart?”
“Does your friend Maziya know that?”
“What you are talking? I will say this to our mama if you once again talk something like that”
“I was just kidding.” I told her and convinced her saying Maziya was a boring girl and I wasn’t interested in her. I thought of asking help from Bulti for my love towards Maziya but that proved to be of vain so I left it.
That day I laid in Maziya’s lap and she combed my hair. With her beautiful face hidden in the Burqa she wore, I fell in love every time she unveiled to show her Moon face.
It was public exams for Maziya and Bulti. After finishing her exams in the afternoon, Maziya shouted,
“Bhaiya we wrote our exams well.”
I got anger and scolded her and pushed her away. I would have told a hundred times not to address me as bhaiya, which irritated my like anything. Maziya started to cry. Then I consoled her. Bulti scolded me and kept a sad face. In the next day, I brought chocolates to Maziya. Maziya and I tore the chocolate wrapper and patched up with a great laughter.
Life went on. I joined in my law college and Maziya was into journalism and my sister took up Pharmacy. As soon these girls joined in separate colleges, they rarely met each other yet they remained close. Perhaps, I was inclined towards Maziya as my thoughts only surrounded her. I tried many a times to become Maziya’s closest companion. Though I protected her like a brother, cared her like a friend and loved her like anything, she always found me an annoyance. Sometimes, when I went to visit her in her college, she scolded me. Perhaps, I told her, I just came in the way of your college and thought to meet her as Bulti wished and nothing more. Saying some stories like this, I got to spend ten or fifteen minutes with her.
Maziya became an English teacher to our own school. I was practicing law and worked as a junior to one of the famous lawyers of our district. Bulti followed Maziya's steps and she too joined as a teacher to our own school.
Maziya knew well that I love her but she didn’t allow me to know much about her. She always distanced from me though she knew I was no harm to her. She never disclosed her heart towards me as I hadn’t proposed her too.
Too much disappointed in that day, I went to meet Bulti in our school and asked why Maziya was hiding her feelings.
She said, “I am afraid she doesn’t have any for you.”
“I will kill you really if you talk like that. I know how it felt looking into her eyes. Her eyes portrayed the love for me like a beautiful rainbow in the sky”
“Bhaiya, I know her better. I know how she holds on to the things she likes and hates. She doesn’t like you, she often thinks you as an irritation. She never ever talks anything about you. She once confessed me that she has a secret crush for her cousin, who is now working as a doctor in Bangalore. ”
“I don’t know where things will end up so only I didn’t want to say about these things but I thought you will move on to some other girl one day by yourself bored by her continuous rejection, but you didn’t.”
I wondered doesn’t she know I love her. I had not proposed her but it was clearly visible to everyone that I was doing all these to her only because I love her. To get a result for everything, I wrote a poem for Maziya and I proposed her. She denied. We gathered in our wooden house which used to be our greatest adventure a few years back. We all talked.
“I always thought you as my brother, I always felt that way,” she told me.
“Can’t you change your feelings and marry me?” I asked her.
“Can you change yours and accept me as your sister?” she questioned me back.
I started to blame her and she started to blame me and our fight went on. Bulti stood there without knowing which side she should join.
“Get away from my life, you blood sucking leech” I shouted at Maziya and before she could do I started to shed tears. Maziya appeared sad, and then she told me,
“I am sorry Majnu. I can’t love you for I have feelings towards another. You can’t make me to love you as the way I can’t make you not to love me. Please understand this and go on in your life,”
I cried within myself and tried not to show it outside. Everyone had a sad face, I didn’t like it. I wanted her to accept me. She should accept me. I was about to beg her to stay with me forever. Then at last my eyes got watered.
She told, “I want you to live happily. Believe me, after some days you are going to call me and tell me that you are in love with a new girl. Remember we are still friends, we will tear chocolate wrappers and patch up again when we fight with each other.”
Her words almost shivered me. Could she understand what she was saying? How she would pierce an arrow in my heart and be my friend. She could offer pain and be my lover but not as my friend I wondered. Even after knowing how much I love you, you denied me
I thought you don't know what love is...
When you said we still can be friends..
I understood you don't know what friendship is...
Bulti stood there with me. Even her eyes were watered.
“It’s my fault bhaiya, I should have warned you during the first time itself,” Bulti told clutching my hands.
I consoled everyone by pretending things to be okay with myself. After an hour Maziya told, she, I and her boyfriend would go for lunch in a star hotel the next week. She asked me to come to our school and wait near the brown table, under that Neem tree.
To dear Maziya:-
“You didn’t accept me as your lover,
Maybe because you couldn't.
How could you give your one heart to two?
I understand.
kind girl, you said we could still be friends,
but watching those mesmerizing eyes,
hearing your innocent words,
sitting together with a girl I wanted,
to live my whole life with.
Being with a flawless girl,
whom I love more than my own.
how could I just remain as a friend?
Every moment iI spend with you,
I will be hurt worrying,
why I wasn't lucky enough to have you in my life.
perhaps, as life proceeds, I believe everything will be fine.
I trust I will be having another love story to unfold,
with a happy ending of course.
After that I hope you will not be the only girl I love,
you will become the girl that I once loved.
when that day comes,
we can be friends,
until then I will just stay apart.”

That day I came and kept this letter inserted in the bench, earlier in the morning as I didn’t want to meet Maziya or her lover.
I went to my old class room, where I studied my eighth standard, the same class in which I first saw Maziya during her eighth standard. Bulti was teaching to her students. I called her to accompany me till afternoon. We walked in the pathway of our school. It seemed that our school authorities decided to replace those tiles, as men were working over it. Seeing those red and yellow tiles, Bulti asked me, “What made you happy when you stepped only on red tiles,”
I smiled and told, “I used to think I would get Maziya if I successfully step only on red tiles and reach my class…”

PINCHU, JAARU AND KAERU
Long centuries ago there lived two pigs and a piglet. Kaeru lived as a protector for his wife Pinchu and his son Jaaru. The pig Pinchu like all the mothers was much affectionate towards his son Jaaru. Pinchu, Kaeru and Jaaru lived in a small cave, which originally belonged to their ancestors. Pinchu took care of their ancient cave. On the other hand lovable Kaeru went to the forest everyday and brought food for the other two. Their everyday life in the cave was like a play, they contained many adventures, troubles from other animals and a few mishaps but at last always the curtain of happiness folded their play in the end of the day.
Unreasonably, Pinchu was very afraid of the darkness. So, she never came out from the cave during the night time. But her husband Kaeru took hold of her in the night that she slept comfortable trusting that her husband was there to take care of anything that would come on. During the day time, Kaeru would be going around the forest in search of the food for them. With Jaaru, Pinchu would be eagerly waiting for the arrival of her husband. Kaeru would return the cave in the evening with enough food. They used to eat some food in the evening and kept the remaining for their next day. Days went like this, Jaaru then turned into a grown up kid.
Kaeru as usual went in search of food for them but was caught up by the tiger unfortunately. That tiger killed Kaeru. Pinchu waited for the arrival of Kaeru for the whole day. She believed that he would return safely in the night. He never returned and she couldn’t sleep in that night because of her fear towards the darkness. That fear was then quadrupled with the sorrow because of the absence of her husband to hold her safe. Her whole night contained a hell of nightmares, which never allowed her to sleep even a little.
In the morning, she searched for Kaeru. She went around each and every corner of the forest prodding the childish Jaaru, who was uncontrollably excited on seeing the new sceneries of the dense forest oblivious of the scenario prevailing.
At last, she could find him only as few pieces of flesh. She cried for the full day, Jaaru being a juvenile was hardly aware of the worst things going around him. In that night, she was feared to the extent of even leaving her life, but she didn’t because she knew that she had to live at least for her innocently sweet son Jaaru. Pinchu everyday thought of Jaaru and she was worried of missing her husband.
Then Pinchu had none other option than to go by herself in the search of the food with his son Jaaru. She was satisfied when she could find enough food at least for Jaaru. In the day time, they went in search of the food and returned to the cave in the evening.
Days went on. Pinchu hated the nights for they contained the darkness. When the nights came: she would hold her son, move to the corner of the cave and would close her eyes fearing for the darkness. And her closed eyes resulted in the same. Because of which, she would stay awake for a long time saying some stories to Jaaru. And she would fall asleep unknown by herself. She never told Jaaru about her fear for the darkness. She was afraid that if his son tends to grow up knowing that his mother was having this fear, then he might also get adopted with that deadliness.
Jaaru started to grew witty mainly because of his mother’s love watering his soul of youthfulness. His mother afraid of the nights became quite familiar with that. She always hoped that her son would grow up soon so that all her fear for darkness could be vanished. She wished her son should never be aware of her fear towards darkness. Perhaps, Jaaru could correctly recognise the difference of her behaviour during the night and days.
The cave in which they lived for long years was then damaged and then pinchu’s fear for darkness doubled. Jaaru thought that he should grow soon and make her mother’s fear to vanish away. Pinchu and Jaaru went search for the food. A tiger saw Jaaru and came to attack Jaaru. There came pinchu all of a sudden to save Jaaru. Tiger was furiously chasing Pinchu now. A young buffalo came and fought with the tiger. The tiger ferociously bite the legs of the buffalo and went away because of the tiredness. Tears stagnated in the buffalos’ eyes because of pain and similarly in the pinchu’s eyes because of the kindness offered by the buffalo. That buffalo from then had to suffer in the unendurable pain. Pinchu and Jaaru did all their best to diagnose the wounds of that Buffalo, Quinak, but they couldn’t. They both felt sorry because this happened to Quinak only because of them, but the golden hearted Quinak considered that as a chance for it to know about the two caring hearts.
Something unexpected happened. Leaving Jaaru in the cave, Pinchu went in search of the food. She advised Jaaru not to leave the cave at any cost. Too bored of being alone in the cave, Jaaru went to play ignoring his mother’s words. He then accidentally fell on the river and went away with it. Quinak ran after Jaaru in the shore that contained some rare kind of weeds but couldn’t save Jaaru. In front of Quinak’s eyes Jaaru fell into the ending falls and died. Quinak suddenly realised that his leg got cured miraculously might be as a result of running over that rare kind of weed.
Pinchu came in search of him but she couldn’t even find a trait of him. She was very disappointed with that. She cried to Quinak, the only friend she had now, Quinak hid the truth and told her that he might have lost the path and gone somewhere outside this forest and surely would return one day. Kaeru was depressed over the painful things that had happened to her life. First her caring husband died now her one and only sweet Jaaru was also missing somewhere. She felt totally lost but she still believed that Jaaru would come soon someday as a reason to live her life. In the night as she had no place to go and no one near her, she was much terrified. She was much terrified to the extent of living with the fear that had outscored the fear of death.
Though Quinak asked Pinchu to stay with him in the night, according to their principles, each one of them had to live or die only on their place and not on any others. So she had only choice to live in her cave.
Pinchu was frightened with the things which happened that day and the darkness of the night. Then along with the darkness she had to tolerate the beast of her loneliness too. She was depressed without anyone to live with and so she thought to die but didn’t because she hoped her son would come someday and might feel depressed if she was not alive. Only this hope made her to live out of her heart’s oscillation to choose between the options of death and life.
Jaaru after taken away by the river entered straight into the heaven, because of the good deeds it had done so far. It had once saved a rat from a vulture. Every other who reached the heaven was so happy and they smiled.
But Jaaru cried and sobbed.
God came and enquired Jaaru that why he was crying. For that he answered
“I was really scared for my mom because she was a lot afraid of the darkness, without me she will be terrified.”
God was overwhelmed with the love he possessed towards his mother and he said, “That’s the test of her. She would eventually overcome it”
Jaaru asked God why he was testing and making humans to suffer like this. Humans were none they are a part of me like I was theirs. Only by all these his eternal soul attains a position to care about the eternal world, where people don’t die but they live forever. God makes those dead good people into stars while those selfish and all other bad minded people are dissolved into darkness…
God also said that on that day his father reached heaven, he too wished to go back to Earth and take care of his wife and son. But God told him that Jaaru is there to take care of Pinchu. And like many other people, his father Kaeru was also made as a star, because of the love that glittered in his heart.
“How God only you create people then how one is good and one is bad? What’s your use in creating this world, you want a time pass or it’s a part of your life?” Jaaru questioned.
“Child I am the creator of this world, listener of all my creations’ prayers. There is one thing that entwines the souls of all the creations and myself. That is feelings my son. If you are happy you appreciate me, compliment me, I feel happy. If you are sad you scold me, lament to me, I too feel sad. Nobody has a real idea of why I created this world and what’s the reason behind all their living. There is a reason. But I never let them know it before. Every creation of me will know about the meaning behind their living after they die. It’s all what they learn and what they understood while they lived on their days’ matters at last. Some learn love and understand the language of true hearts. Some learn hate and destroy the meaning of a soul. Everyone has their destiny already framed after their death just like their destiny which was designed after their birth. Hell and heaven exist. Bad people’s mind becomes the hell and good people’s minds become the heaven. And at last every human based on his mind belongs to either of these. Your minds are my mind. My mind is your mind. We all are each others’ completion son. There are some questions in every mind. Similarly there are various answers for every question in every mind. The answers which they choose, which they feel most consistent, which they base their life on is all what matters. “
“From now on, you shall remain as the Moon and provide the light to the whole world, so that woman like your mom could never be scared of the darkness of nights. Moreover you can remain as a friend to everyone who suffers in the loneliness,”
Then next day she went again in search of her son, but couldn’t find even a trait of him. She told herself that she didn’t find him living so he might be dead and the same way she didn’t find him dead so he might be living somewhere. She believed her son would come in the night. As she expected, soon came her son; this time as the Moon. Amidst the compassion and sorrow of missing her son, she was happy for another reason. She realised, she no more had to worry about the darkness. She was awestruck by the sudden arrival of an illuminating material. She realized miracles do happen because someone somewhere hears about all troubles and wanted to help us indeed. She went out from the cave and touched the Moonlight. She was happy and felt as if touching her own son, and hoped her son would come someday and enjoy these nights.
Kaeru was near to Jaaru as a star. Jaaru knew, someday his mother would also come near to him as a star. Jaaru now as the Moon was also happy that his mother would live with the hope that someday he might return. Her sorrow would decrease every day, as days go on. This would make her to practice her life to let go on in its way. After some years when she could hardly recognize that her son was gone, then she would be already in the heaven. Jaaru reasoned.
Jaaru started to glow with light that was induced because of incandescence of kindness and love. Though Jaaru as the Moon gave its light to the whole world, its gaze always fell on the old damaged cave, in which her mother was spending her life.
PRAYERS…
Gunttur is a village in south India, where people’s main business is agriculture and their irrigation mostly depended on mischievous rainfall. This place suffered a serious lapseserious lapse of rainfall for the past one year and the whole village which once appeared like a green blanket upon the Earth was now like a bald-man’s head.
However, this didn’t affect Ninuveni’s business much, as it got nothing to do with her business. She earned her daily bread by selling the candies, chocolates, pickles and chikki (barfis) in a school under a banyan tree at the opening of the school ground. This school being a government school, no rich kids studied, only poor kids had their education here. Even those kids of their teachers were educated in private schools, which had lot more facilities and provided good education. And those poor kids’ money didn’t give her enough profit, she didn’t earn much, and some days she didn’t earn at all. However, she loved her job. Sitting under the banyan tree, spreading the canvas cloth across the floor, she would arrange all her items in order. Seeing this, children – who have got one or two rupees from their parents - would come to her and buy things they want. In the morning times, as soon as she opened her little shop on that canvas cloth, children rushed in seconds and surrounded her like bees surrounding the jack fruit. Those children were bundle of happiness and a pack of troubles as well.
In the morning recess, they came one by one and bought whatever they want in order to eat during the class. As soon as the bell rang in the evening, they all would rush and shout all together of what they want and she would not be able to feel what was happening. Some naughty beasts would bring a big head-ache in minutes causing as much irritability as they could by their poking hands and trying to plunder her items. Some innocent honey-bees would wait until the crowd was over and would ask their favorite snacks with the money they had. Sometimes some lively monalisas would catch her heart all in a glimpse by staring at her items for a long time and without buying anything. Even when these butterflies didn’t have money, she gave candies to them and brought a happy smile on their face. Doing like this she felt contented of having earned much. And her job didn’t end here. Sometimes these children brought their issues and asked for her justice over their fights and sometimes they brought complaints about their teachers and asked remedies for the same. Ninuveni tried her best in solving those.
Though she was selling candies and other items in the school ground for a year, if someone asked about Ninuveni towards children they would shake their heads meaning they didn’t know for she was known to them only as Barfi-naani. She was affectionately called as barfi-naani, by the children. She was one of the favorite people among the children and even some parents were fond of her that they always bought something from her and offered those to their children.
She didn’t want money. She got no one to give it. Perhaps, she saved some money to repair her fully damaged hut, as she wanted a better place to have a good sleep and take rest in her last days. Her hut was almost a mile away from this school. She and cocks in her village woke up at the same time, earlier in the morning. She prepared her food for all the three times in the morning itself. Then she packed her lunch and other items and waited for Kaniappan’s cart. In every morning and evening, she came in the Kaniappan’s bullock cart. He was a potter and every day he carried his pots in the bullock cart to the market. Since the school was on the way, he picked her and dropped her in the morning and evening. During the morning times, it was uncomfortable for Ninuveni to sit in his cart, as he would have filled the pots in all the possible spaces. Perhaps, in the evening, only one third of the pots used to return home, providing enough space for Ninuveni. Though Kaniappan refused, she always forced him to keep the money she gave to him. And she never forgot to keep chocolates and candies in one of the pots in every Friday evening for his children. That his children waited for their father’s arrival eagerly on the Friday evening, for the candies waiting for them.
Though she was a very familiar person over that place, she was just a year old over there place. Ninuveni once used to sell lemons in the market and she had spent most of her life only over there. In that market, she was a very famous personality. Her lemons sold out sooner than others’. People purchased lemons from her for 2 bucks to two thousand bucks and her customers ranged from various places. Her life went after she lost her husband, and her much affectionate, his husband’s brother son. The market was her own castle but the huge noise over that place tortured her ears. So she then took up a corner shop to sell coriander leaves and escape from the noise. But later that shop proved to be a more troublesome one. And she couldn't get back to her previous shop too as it was occupied by someone other, who refused to move away. When her hearing ability in one ear had fully gone she chose to trouble herself with these little rascals by leaving her own castle.
Like the groundnut chikkis she sold, her heart was also sweet, the people told about her. Wherever she went, sooner people got mesmerized to her and her influence made everyone to do something for her. With hearing ability in only one of her ears, she listened to the stories of people and she often spoke to people of how her husband and she once used to rule the market with her lemons and his onions. She told them money was not important as they think that though she had much of it she couldn’t save her husband from tuberculosis or her son from the poison he drank because of his love failure.
Hers only time pass during the other times, she sold her items to the children, was to speak with people. She moved to a tea shop and drank tea often. Sometimes the tea boy, Nair fetched a tea glass for her, sat with her and talked for hours until his master shouted his name. He used to claim that he belonged to an upper caste and none would believe that a boy from this caste had to suffer like this.
In the following month, people of the village spoke only about how the rain was revenging them and how the famine was slowly killing them. There were no good stories as it used to be once. Whenever she heard people lamenting about their plight, and cursing the rain, she assured to them that soon rain would bestow and all their thirst would be fulfilled soon, as their good times were about to follow. She said to them of how much she had seen in her life and assured them that things always change and life, our days and weather never ever remain the same the next day.
After the famine followed, Kaniappan’s pots remained unsold thereby, making her to sit uncomfortable even while returning. Ninuveni knew the reason, even Kaniappan did. Once Kaniappan used to say happy stories to her and always wanted to listen, only those kinds of stories from Ninuveni. But now Kaniappan remained dull and so were his stories. Even when she said happy and hopeful stories, he failed to believe in those. Days after Kaniappan decided to move to a next nearby village. And that didn’t affect Ninuveni anyway as Ismail’s milk van started from the village and ended up in the faraway market place. And this time Ismail picked and dropped her safely, mutching those candies she forced to have him on the way and listening to her stories. Ninuveni realized how famine had eaten up a part of their village and still its hunger wasn’t satisfied. Sitting in his van she saw the streets of her village she was accustomed with for a very long time. They had withered. She felt as if seeing her loved one lying there slumped without being able to move her arms and legs.
Another six months passed; there was no rain at all. The winter season ended and the summer followed. Everyone lost their hopes and they were in a thought to move to a different place to find their daily bread. The loan amount and the numbers of people, who had lent money from her increased, as famine days followed. When they told their sad stories, she didn’t mind offering them her money. When Nair said to her of how much he wanted to go back to his family and return back, she lent the money she had for repair of her house and forced him to visit his family and return soon. But that he never returned and so was the money she offered to him. Some people in that village often said, rain comes to the places where people have good and kind hearts.
That day her items didn’t sell as school was declared a holiday in the afternoon itself. And Ismail told in the morning itself that he wouldn’t be coming in the evening. As her items didn’t sell as she thought, she had no money to go in bus and she didn’t want to ask money from anyone. So, she took up small steps and headed towards her hut with all her packed items in her head. The places where once flowers blossomed were now surrounded by thorns and cactus- which didn’t need water. The canals where the water overflowed were now empty and were used for dumping wastes. The coconut trees had already given up and were breathing their last days. The animals were suffering a lot without proper water and the unendurable heat. People were dying and the soil was longing to breathe, when her mother Earth had broken up.
After a very long tiring journey through the desert like streets, she reached her house in the evening. She felt too much hurt on seeing the rainfall deceiving the people in her village. She prayed to God that He should send the rain soon and save people of her village. In the night she was fully tired and wanted to have a peaceful sleep. She remembered one of the times where there was no rainfall for a long time and when they made a special prayer to rain God, the rain arrived in the following week. She prayed to the rain God by herself begging him to visit all the places, which once ruled by him which werebut now haunted by famine. andShe asked him to exorcise this beast out of his places. When she completed her prayers, she heard the thundering sound outside. Soon the rain drops drizzled through the holes in her hut. She was happy that aAs she had assured people, rain has come on this day finally. Perhaps, considering her own goodness, because of the rain her hut began to leak in various places and she took the utensils and kept it under them wondering whether she would be able to sleep that night or not. But after all, sShe was too happy for the heavy rain as it would once again bring back the prosperity to the people and they were going to tell happy stories thereafter. Keeping the pots at places of leakage, her heart felt fulfilled to have a contented sleep, but she wondered how she would be able with those rain drops drizzling in her hut.

PRECIOUS UGLINESS
Cutaneous leishmaniasis is a parasitic disease that afflicted people and gave them incurable wounds and miseries. This miserable disease came to Stephen when he was just eight years old. Though it was cured a year after, the fatal thing was this disease affected his beautiful plump face and left scars on it. This made his face look ugly; and one even he could not see his face continuously for a minute without disgust in their hearts.
Perhaps, he didn’t worry about this in his younger days because at that time he had: the eyes, which saw his precious heart lying beneath his ugly face; the ears which heard every word he spoke; arms that always reached for him; a heart that always cared for him and offered the pure love. In all these forms he had his affectionate mother to worry his share of worries as well. His father died when he was two years old due to his lung cancer. During that time, Emily became pauper repaying the debts that were borrowed to her husband’s medication costs but she overcame that by working as a baby sitter. This determination of her when her life became a misery and the story of how she overcame the troubles in her life with her faith and perseverance were the hope-giving story, Emily told him often thereby building in him an immeasurable hope.
Stephen then went to school but he didn’t find any good companions over there. Those innocent children enjoyed calling him as beast (he too loved that part for a certain extent), without knowing that Stephen would be hurt for this, though not at that time but after a few years anyway. Then a few children talked with him and he became friends with them. Perhaps, as the grades of his school increased in one or more ways, he felt hurt often because of his ugly appearance. When someone asked him why his face was like this, when someone wanted to ask this question but didn’t; when they indirectly asked this question. There was nothing wrong with the persons who asked, they didn’t mean to hurt him, but naturally his heart sank when he understood that his appearance was counted in their eyes. When his mother came to know all about this she ceased him from going to school, when he too grew adamant for the same. She taught him the subject of affection. She told him the formula of love that
“If you give love to the people, they will repay the same in multiples.”
When she was near to him he didn’t care about anything other. He wouldn’t be concerned about his appearance; rather his thoughts would be preoccupied with some other things in his life, when she remained within his sight. She told him,
” The real beauty of a man lies in the way he loves other people and other creatures in this world.”
His mother went for work and he would be there in his house: sometimes painting; sometimes arranging the things in his house; sometimes washing the dishes and sometimes doing nothing except waiting for the arrival of his mother and arrival of the chocolates, which she bought for him every day. He wanted to be a painter in his life. He wanted to die as an artist. His life went on like this.
Every day he listened to the stories told by his mother and he fell asleep in her lap itself. Sometimes while Stephen had slept, his mother demented with worries by looking at his face thinking how he was going to survive in this world after her. She prayed to God to give Stephen another loving heart like her, when he wants to take her away from him.
Stephen then began to have more faith in God, he felt as if some supreme power was planning for his activities and watching him always. But whenever he saw his face against the mirror he got angry with God for creating his face like that. He sometimes felt how God miserably failed in creating world like this. He thought, God failed when the first person in the world committed suicide. He didn’t understand if God is responsible for every move and action in this world, then how would people be offered hell and heaven, rewarded or punished for their lives in the world.
The years went on, and then Stephen celebrated his 16th birthday, with his mother and the neighbor’s. He was so surprised that Josephine, their neighbor who worked as a janitor had brought him a gift. A black colored silver lined Indian flute it was and he was so pleased with it like the music from it pleases the human ears. He gave much of thankful words to Josephine, who was a fair lady weighing almost 300 pounds.
Sometimes he went out to the churches, sea shores, etc. Perhaps, he hated travelling in the bus as whenever he travelled in the bus, he was afraid to show his shameful appearance to the world. Mostly no one sat near him unless his nearby seat was the only one which wasn’t occupied. Moreover, he was afraid to sit near other people because few reacted to him differently. They wouldn’t even stare at him, rather they would be feeling pity for him inside, he hated that because he didn’t want that. Once, the father in a church even organized a prayer for him and his kinds of people saying that this scornful disease came because of the sins they might have done in their previous lives. They forget to see the humanity in him. All they saw was the ugly face of him. These little things made him feel disappointed about his own life, they always induced a feeling in him as if appearance was going to be the most important thing in this life and without it a whole life was going to be a disaster. He was not normal like others and he couldn’t tolerate his own compulsion of wanting him to be like other people and enjoy his own little life.
His only tolerance was his mother. He had his mother as a protection to walk over the broken glass. Though God had thrown away the broken glass on his path, Stephen was happy that he had given him his mother who kept her palms underneath his feet whenever he failed to notice the broken glass and was about to step on it. But that didn’t last long. His mother was preparing the hot water to bath Eliot, the baby girl of the house, she worked in. There was some circuit failure and because of which Stephen’s mom and the cook of their house was electrocuted. His mother died instantly, leaving him to live in her house with solitude. As this suddenly happened, he was first much depressed with it. Josephine and many others helped him to survive yet living his life after the deadly blows annoyed him too much. He felt how it would have felt for his mother when his father left her and her only son was also affected with a scornful disease. The importance of why she often told and retold him about the story of her determination and courage to make up a life after his father’s loss now made a sense to him. The seeds of hope she cultivated in his heart made him to cling on his life. He remembered his mother’s words,
“Whenever you get much depressed by life and if you feel that, these were the worst things which shall never happen to anyone. Don’t get angry with God and hate your life. But just look out for a positive way because surely there will be some light hidden somewhere in the midst of the darkness. If you are able to find that, it’s going to be the end of the darkness.”
He knew well, both sadness and happiness of life were not permanent. Few months run by, after getting the salvation by himself he joined as a servant to one of the houses, where his mother first went as a baby sitter, and eventually became the maid of the house. This house was the same place where she breathed her last minutes and also the same one she spent most of her life with.
The baby-girl of the house had then turned out to be a beautiful girl of the house. He went to the house daily in the morning and returned to his house in the evening not because he wanted to earn but he wanted to spend his time in some way and make his life to pass on soon. He felt comfortable working in the house as everyone in that house never cared about his appearance. Nonetheless, one day he came to know that the beautiful daughter of the house was having some trouble in seeing his face as she never looked onto his face or eyes while talking, so he avoided to be noticed by her vision. The next day she told him that his mother used to say her that she had a handsome son in her house. Eliot was always a candidly speaking girl and one day she told him, “If she has told the truth instead, we would have at least given her an increased pay.” He knew he was a handsome boy to his mom. The moment he heard about it, tears automatically stagnated in his eyes. He realized until he finds someone like his mom, who would see the beauty in him, his life wasn’t going to be worthy.
Stephen usually had to cross a high traffic road ever day in order to catch the bus on the other side. Always before crossing the road he would see for a long time on the two sides of the road until he makes sure that no automobiles were coming against him, because he believed life was too precious to be wasted on the roads. Had his mother had been a little cautious about her life, had she not plucked the heater with her wet hands, she wouldn’t have gone just as a wind and wouldn’t have let him to suffer searching for his home in this darkness. After long days, he took a walk with Josephine, to the railway station, since she was leaving for her home town that day. Her train arrived so late in the night and he bade her goodbye and was sitting in the railway station for some time, thinking how his future was going to be. There he saw a girl with two big suitcases and a trunk sleeping over the other bench. She wore a dress that almost covered whole of her body. She appeared too cute to him and he decided to induce a conversation with her. He went and talked with her courageously by introducing himself. She responded to him in a fine manner, which made him to fathom that like him she too was yearning for someone to have a conversation for quite a long time. One hour passed, after knowing that she ran away from their farm house afraid of the debtors, he gave shelter to her in his house. She slept in the couch and he in his bed, though he offered her to sleep in the bed and he would be in the couch, she refused. The next day she got up before him and went for a walk and came back. By the time, Stephen prepared the breakfast for both of them and left the house for work. When he returned she had cleaned the house and prepared the dinner for him. One week passed like this. Both had long lasting conversations with each other every day. He expressed the wounds in his heart, his worries about his ugly face and she gave consoling words sometimes and stared his face speechless instead on other times. She told him of how she wanted to bring up a nice family by marrying a good man and having wonderful children. Stephen’s heart was now occupied with a new desire. Desires are like lump in throat the bigger their size the bigger the trouble is going to be. In that night, he took her for a walk and he conveyed his wish to live with her for the rest of the life. She said, she would be telling her decision the next day. To his surprise, Stephen woke up and found that she had left his house after arranging all the things properly.
On the next day as usual he went to Eliot’s house to know that Eliot’s marriage was going to take place in the next week in a grand manner in their house. Eliot’s marriage took place in a grand way as they wanted. Several dishes and all top branded liquors were served. Partying, dancing and karaoke every enjoyable activity was organized in a fine manner. Video cameras and photographers covered all the important moments of their lives in their lenses. Two months later, while seeing their marriage album, he was disgusted to learn that those photographs containing his face were removed from the album. All other servants and maids were excited to see themselves sharing space with them in those album photos, while he was to come home depressed as usual it happened most of the days in his life.
This made him to embarrass than ever. He thought about the boys who enjoyed calling him as beast, the father who said about his sin, the girl who left him, and Eliot who refused to let photos with his face in her album. He worried about the way he was easily neglected by others, his agony rose. All these because he got an ugly appearance, he couldn’t digest the fact of why him? For the first time in his life he felt it would have better if he had not been born in this world. His life seemed to be a void and he became crazy that minute that with full of hatred towards his life he crossed the road without seeing whether it was clear or not. A car and he was injured.
The man, who drove the car after providing the first aid, carried him immediately to the hospital. Since he was a doctor, Stephen was lucky enough to be saved with fewer injuries because of his immediate attention and action.
Then in the hospital he asked Stephen why he was careless while crossing the road. Stephen narrated the story of him. Hearing this, the doctor felt pity for him. Even so that was not the one which Stephen actually wanted.
The doctor then told about the cosmetic surgery costing around $1500 by which his face could be made normal. And he assured him that he would arrange it for him if he could provide at least half of the money. Stephen felt some complacence in him because he realized that he had at last got a chance to make his ugly face a normal one. He never wanted his face to look so beautiful all he wanted was that his face looking tolerable, so that people did not find it disgusting to look at it.
After that, the doctor took him in his car to drop him. To kill the silence prevailed, in the middle of their travel the Doctor spoke to him about the new Pug he had bought. Stephen told him that he was scared of dogs as dogs usually barked on seeing him.
And when he stepped out of the car in the doctor’s house a Pug ran near him. Stephen was scared but the Pug came too close to him by wagging its tail. The doctor lamented about the dog that it usually barked on seeing people and he wondered how the dog could be silent this time. These words induced Stephen some form of fondness towards that Pug. Without a second thought, he requested the doctor to give the Pug to him, but the doctor refused saying that he bought it just before a week.
After spending some time in the doctor’s house Stephen was about to leave and he started walking. The dog followed him until he left the house.
In that night all the thoughts of Stephen were surrounded with that dog.
On the next day he entered the doctor’s house in order to steal the Pug. When the doctor was out he took the dog in his hands. The dog was silent in his hands, it hadn’t barked even once. But unfortunately the watchman of the house saw him. Seeing that Stephen started running and at last he was caught by the doctor’s car. The doctor warned him and told him clearly that he was not in a mind to give away his new dog. So Stephen left the place with dismay and humiliations.
Few days went, then one day the doctor called him. So, he went to his house the doctor gave him the Pug saying,
“This dog always barks on seeing humans except some people including you.”
With full of happiness and excitement he took the Pug to his house and named the Pug as “Dommy”.
Dommy was silent in his hands but as soon as it entered the house it wandered around every nook and corner, which people had never entered before. He felt Dommy clearly knew that he was going to be the king of that house and so it walked in a gait. He became attached to the Dommy he gave food to it before he ate and he ate whenever Dommy ate. Two days went like that.
The next day Dommy wagging its tail jumped and broke the plates, which he kept for the remembrance of his mother, so he got angry and hurt Dommy. After two minutes Dommy came near him as usual by wagging its tail; making his master to wonder how God had created these kinds of creatures, which didn’t possess any envy, anger, indifference and those like worse things, which were seen in ordinary humans.
On the weekends he prepared food for him and his Dommy. They went to places, which they might never have seen before. Together they walked large distances, explored some new places, had their food under some tree and returned only when they wished. He showed too much of affection to Dommy the main reason was that until then he didn’t have any one other to show but now he had got one. He regretted he could never be a good painter, though he tried his hands on it many times. Moreover, he didn’t want to spoil the beautiful art. He changed his heart and now he wanted to die as a soulful lover if not as a soulful artist. For art may not come to some but love would come to anyone. Art needs practice; love just needs a heart, which everyone has anyway.
He still had one thing disturbing his heart. He wanted to earn money in order to change his face.
Days went on and by the doctor’s recommendation a millionaire accepted to offer him the cost of the operation. Then Stephen accepted that. With his Dommy he went to the hospital. He kept Dommy outside; though the doctor came near, it was not ready to go with him. Dommy just focused on the stretcher carrying his master inside the operation theatre. Dommy once again started barking with abhorrence on seeing the ordinary people’s face. Stephen asked the doctor a five minutes time to calm down Dommy. He went leaving Dommy with Stephen.
Few minutes later the doctor entered the operation theatre. He found that, Stephen was not there. He instead, found a letter on the bed. He started reading that letter, in that letter he had written as
“All I wanted is a soul that surrounds me, a heart that purely loves me, and an eye that sees my beauty lying underneath my ugly face. I have got the one. God had given me all these in the name of Dommy. Dommy recognizes everything good in me. Dommy barks on seeing the other people but not at me. To Dommy I am something special and that may be because of the appearance of my face. I am afraid Dommy may not like me, if I operate my face. Why should I need to show myself beautiful for these people, who have never seen the inner humanity of me? I will rather remain the same for the Dommy that loves me so much as the way I am, than to become someone to please others, who doesn’t care much about me. Now I feel my ugliness as precious because it has attracted a beautiful soul that would surround me always. My Dommy and I only know how much worthy it is… ”
The doctor after reading this felt ashamed of himself and on the entire people who failed to recognize the precious humanity lying underneath his ugly face by treating people’s appearance as an important factor. Then doctor reached the window and saw Stephen leaving the hospital with his lovable Dommy.
Stephen then took the bus and this time he had no enough time to look whether the people around him was feeling indifferent to him or not, as he had only a scarce time to watch out his Dommy play joyfully.
After this incident, while travelling in the bus he felt comfortable when no one sat near him. It would be easier for his Dommy to sit over there. He cherished his mother’s words “There will surely be some light hidden somewhere in the midst of the darkness.” The light came to him in the form of Dommy to end his darkness………….

SCUFFLE

But there was much more horrible news awaiting for him.
He looked himself against the mirror, he looked dapper. His perfectly ironed white shirt and white dhoti suited his profession, pPolitics. He had an urgent meeting at 10’ o clock in the town but by the time he saw the clock he was already late. Time got near 9’0 clock, when he came out of his house in his bike. He raced the bike in 90 km/hr to avoid the delay. Unluckily he got jammed in the traffic for about five minutes.
Then he once again raced his bike and tried to overtake a town bus. By that time a man unknowingly spit outside his betel saliva and that spoiled the politician’s shirt and face. The politician got angry and shouted at him. The rustic man who spat the saliva asked to stop the bus and got down. He pleaded to the politician again and again. He told him that he would wash the shirt and perfectly iron it to him. The politician’s could not control his anger and shouted at him badly.
“Whose shirt I am going to wear until you wash and give my shirt?” he cried at the rustic man.
“If you don’t mind wear mine, I will wash and give within ten minutes,” he told him innocently.
The politician’s anger multiplied in quadruples and he slapped on the face of the rural man. The rural man’s supporters hurt politician and politician’s supporters hurt them back. Since both politician and rural man belonged to different community, the scuffle grew into a community fight. Two people died in each side. Bombings, stabs and everything took place in two days. The whole village got demolished like the place after a volcanic eruption but still the fight continued at various places. The District collector in order to put down the burning fire ordered a curfew. Perhaps, innocent people broke that too. Police men threw tear bombs in order to take control over the fight. The Protestants got vigorous and they raced over the police men to attack them and a few threw stones at them.
When the fight was going over, a common mother bathed her child, wore new dress to her and caked her face in the talcum. and lLeaving the child in her home, she went to see outside what was going on. She never knew it was a fatal day for her if she had known that before then she wouldn’t have left her child. aSs the baby too came outside searching for her mom in the back side door of her house. By that time, the police had given a shooting order and police men fired aiming at the leg of a protestant, the aim missed and it hit the baby. The baby died instantly.
On the other side, Llike everyday Rakkayan went inside that tea shop, ordered Light-Tea and waited for it. He asked the cost of Samosa. The shop owner asked whether he wanted that, but he nodded his head meaning he didn’t want it and sat on the bench. When the Tea arrived, he sipped it slowly reading the newspaper, the headlines of which said that the communal fights have gone uncontrollable and those people are protesting peacefully in his place. A full police security had also been provided to ensure that no disaster further happens. The two persons over there began to talk about the politics. Then they soon switched over to the conflict which happened a few days ago, which resulted in a big communal fight in their village. One of the men belonged to one side and other to the opposite community. He knew well that a scuffle would break open. Had he pacified them then there would not have been any problem but the scuffle grew and grew and at last it resulted in a big scuffle. He being afraid of that went inside another room and hid hoping that the scuffle would end soon. After twenty minutes the police men came and everything ended. He was happy that no damage occurred to him by any means. He went outside of his shop, he saw his ice cream carrying vehicle fully damaged and thrown as pieces.
When he came home with disappointment, he had to regret not only for losing his cycle by not stopping the fight with his words, but also for the death of his only child. He regretted that had he stopped the scuffle, there itself and solved it with words, his cycle would not have damaged and in the same way had someone in the bus solved the mis-understanding there itself his daughter wouldn’t have died.

AS THOUGH I HAVE SECRETS…
A girl in the train called me as bro… I was so moved, then I told the story of my sister, whom I met in facebook…. Hearing my story, she gave her band to me, asking me to wear it when the rackie given by her would tear apart… I closely wondered what life is.. how packed people are…thanks for facebook for uniting us together… I know when this wears out there I will meet someone other..

With our packed bags and baggage we were now leaving for Kolkatta, the place I wanted to visit for a long time. I someway loved the Bengali people. I loved the writers from this place. Remembering my childhood dreams presently hurts, because I always wanted to be a writer but I could never become the one. Might be I would become one after long years, but I wanted to be a famous writer before I wanted to marry a girl. Perhaps, now everything is seems to be an end. I got a girl, who hasn’t read one little novel throughout her life and it would be useless for me to explain what it means to read stories or write one. We were married three months before. We don’t share much about everything, and I could sense a good understanding was not growing in between us. I feel some days later we would start confessing about the secrets which we always wanted to confess with our life partners. To say the truth, I was waiting for the chance until then I knew she would treat me indifferent as the way she was treating me for these three weeks. I knew she expected a husband, who is lot better than me and she wasn’t satisfied with me at last, even I expected someone better. Even when I wanted to make a conversation with her, she wasn’t interested to hook up. After all, she said, she didn’t want to sleep with me during the first night after our marriage. She told she wanted sometime for all these, as she had to concentrate on her dreams. I asked her what her dream was. She replied she would let me know one day. I knew she was feeling worried of something and I wanted to say to her, “Cry out all your worries, we would find a solution together” but I just said, “Ok” and slept that day. I really blame the foolish and stupid arranged marriage custom going over in India. I wonder whether these parents really loved their children enough, had they really loved, would they spoil their lives by marrying them to a stranger just because he/she happened to be their religion, caste, etc.
I saw her and asked whether she wanted to have anything. She said that she doesn’t want anything and she would ask if really wanted. She was still maintaining a distance with me and that I didn’t like in her anyway. I said, ok and went to the doors of the train. Few minutes before I thought to start a conversation and get into her heart close enough, but when her ego pointed the opposite direction, I too didn’t wish to move in that direction. It was only yesterday we argued. We were watching a Salman Khan movie in the railway station, she spoke with a teary face, “I always wished to marry someone so handsome like him…”
“Life never gives what we wish. Even I wanted to marry a girl, who read many books and would tell me beautiful stories…”
Then after, we didn’t speak with each other anything, except during the dinner time I asked her whether she wanted anything to eat. She said, she didn’t want anything, so I bought poori from the vendor and ate whereas, she ate the packed biscuits the whole night.
Wondering how she would tackle her ego and hunger, I went to see the passing sceneries in the door way.
When Hyderabad station arrived, a young lady with a little kid and baggage asked me,
“Bhaiya please help me with my luggage.”
I helped her and went to see my wife again, feeling she was after all my wife and I should not hate her or hurt her.

“Nisha, there is one girl in my life. I want you to know everything about her. ”
“I know about her. I read in your novel. I don’t know who is lucky or unlucky. But I feel in a way I am blessed. I hope someday you will love me like you love your Nitthu.”
“No Nisha. I am not talking about Nitthu. There is another girl.”
Nisha remained silent and I continued my conversation.
“During the final year of my college, a girl read my blog and appreciated my story in her comments. I was surprised. Soon she became my Facebook friend.”
“Then” she said.
Nisha’s curiosity increased I understood it by her tone.
Her name was Madya. She and I began to chat with each other. We chatted sometimes up to late nights or up to early mornings. I began to like her. She told me sheme she was aspiring to become an eminent writer and she wanted me to assist her as I had already published my novel at that time. Soon she became close to me with her caring words. I then mentioned in a reply as sister. She then replied in her message, “Thanks for addressing me as your sister.””
“You chatted as brother and sister, interesting,” Nisha told with a smile. Some kind of happiness and relief was seen in her smile.
I continued, “I then saw her photos in Facebook she looked gorgeous and rich. I was sceptic that she was getting acquainted with me because she wanted some things to be done by me. So I was not interested to talk with her initially, but then I understood I had prejudiced her. Through her innocence, I came to know that she was not cunning at all.
I started to say about my love story to her. I told all my yearnings for Nitthu towards her. She used to reply with hopeful words whenever she is in a good mood and with hurting words when she was in a foul mood. I asked about her love story. She told me some lies. But I didn’t make her aware that I understood those all are her lies for I was concerned that she might stop chatting with me. “
Since my childhood I had an unfulfilled worry that I didn’t get a sister. Once my brother and I had a huge fight regarding which channel we both should see on the T.V. As a result, we started to beat each other. He beat me so hard and I was so hurt. On that hurtful day, I wished I had a caring sister instead so that she would have understood me and sacrificed it for me. Whenever I used to see my friends’ sister speaking caring words with them, whenever I came to know that it was their sisters who write assignments for my friends all I wished was that I should have born with a sister. After I understood that having a sister is like having a second mother and I worried I was cursed not to have born with a sister. Perhaps, I had hopes, there would be some girl who would come in some part of my life and fulfil my longings.
I felt Madya was that girl. I had video-chatted with her for two or three times. My friends began mocking me. They told me that I was actually flirting with a girl. I tried to make them understand who she was in my life but it remained as a vain. I believed that an honest girl always knew her responsibilities and freedom. Moreover, she well knew her limits, so none needed to worry about it. She knew the difference between being someone's girlfriend and just a friend. She will be your good caring friend but will save a space which is meant only to care her husband and similarly she won’t occupy the space that is meant for your girlfriend. If she is your lover then she will be faithful. If she had fixed you to be her man, sh3 will be ready to take any kind of risks just to make sure that everything in your life is fine. If we have an honest girl like this in our life either as a friend or as a girl friend then we should respect her and give her enough of the freedom she deserved because she well knew about her limits, more than we even think of.

I was not afraid that our relationship would grow beyond being friends but I stopped video chatting with her, for I was afraid someday her prince who comes in a mustang to marry her would ask me the same question. In spite, my insides knew the truth that her caring behaviour induced a new change. Her magical words built a new hope. Her affectionate love for me satisfied the loving heart of mine. As time proceeded, we began to chat daily. But then came the Earth-quake in my life. I became aware of the depressing thing Nitthu was already committed to another. My dark days began and I became cruel to everyone especially those who cared for me. I started ignoring. All in the way I ignored an innocent girl who was affectionate towards me. I ignored my caring sister. On the other side, she was facing disappointments and disdains. She too began to give time for others and put my name as last in her preference list. I thought it was time for me to say good-bye to her as I fathomed we both couldn’t remain as such forever, because someday our life partners would arrive and start an argument over this.
On that instance she once again started to make me feel that she was a princess who was born to wipe out my tears. She too began to understand me. She realised my love for her was real. Our story went like this. She often behaved crazy and I scolded for her. I often behaved possessive and she hurt me for that. We began to fight with each other. Many a times I doubted about her love and ignored her. One day I decided that I didn’t have a girl like before and I decided I don’t want her now. That day I decided to break up with her. For I thought I no need a girl who fake her love to me. I prejudiced these days that she was not giving importance to me, because she loves and cares another. Indeed it was partially true except the fact that she didn’t fake her love. But wasn’t I giving her all the care and love then how could she love another more and not me equally as she loves him. I made my mind to ask the same from her. She replied, “I have two hearts. One for you and one for him, so don’t worry about me.” I got furious she was just covering her words and making me to believe all these.
I later analysed my heart, I was ashamed of myself. How selfish and possessive I have been. I had doubted the unconditional love of a girl. For once I know I decided to break up with her, I messaged her angrily and asked her to go away. What the she did was heart touching, she never broke up with me and neither gave me a chance to break up with her. I began to fall for her.
Often I thought would I ever get some other girl who would understand me like her? Would I ever a get a girl who would be a supporter of my dreams? Would I ever get a girl who would keep me engaged as her? The chances for it always low. I felt I shouldn’t miss a girl like her in my entire life. My heart began to wish that I should marry her and make her my wife so that by the name of it I would be having my true soul-mate. I decided to propose her.
I signed into my g-chat account. She had messaged me, “How are you Dada?”
Something struck my mind immediately and I just replied, “I am fine behen.”
My brain quickly realised the blunder mistake I would have committed. She had been my sister. I would have hazardously broken a more faithful bond of a brother- sister hoping to make a new bond of soul-mate. A sister like her always been a God’s gift, she would be advising me when I broke the promises, take care of me when I was completely broke, built myself completely when I was shattered, discover me when I was wholly lost. It would be lovable for both of our lives if she and I could remain as a brother and sister till the end as the way it started. Perhaps, I know about the criminal world, it would not accept this for she and I had not been a sister and brother by birth unluckily. We both didn’t even know that someone like this exist a year before, then how could we be brother and sister and how the whole world would believe it.
Later I recognised, if a boy of a different region meets a girl of another place and marries her and spends his whole life with then why can’t a boy remain as a brother to an unknown girl. If the world accepts the former gladly, it should accept the later too. There were stories in which an unknown boy and an unknown girl after meeting together remain as friends till the end. Then why couldn’t an unknown boy acquainted with a caring unknown girl live life long as holding the beautiful bond of brother and sister. We meet so many people in our busy life and do we remember for how many we showed a sibling feeling maybe at least for one or two moments.
Don’t we say “Bhaiya, would you help me please?” to an unknown stranger in railway compartment to help us with our luggage. Don’t we say, “Sister, be careful this path this is slippery” to an unknown girl who was about to fall in a slipper road. Maybe we say this for a little moment but in that moment don’t we really think them as our sibling. Perhaps, the next second, we don’t give much thought to it and move on in our preoccupied life. What if you meet someone and you feel like you share a common bond that is similar to the blood related bond like a sibling bond. What if you meet someone in the middle of your way and you feel the way they treat you like their own sibling asks yourself to stay in their life as if you were indeed a blood born sibling to them. This is what I share with Madya. I may explain what my heart holds for her for about thousand times but still I know people would not easily understand our relationship, but I can assure one thing that our relationship is as pure as friendship and love. Moreover I don’t want everyone to understand and accept this. All I want is your consent. “
Nisha asked, ”Have you invited Madya to our marriage. I wished I had a sister-in-law and thank God I have got one.”
I nodded my head.
“You need not have told me all these truth Uday but why did you say this? “ Nisha asked me.
“I believe a relationship will last forever if one always speaks the truth how much bitter it might be and other always accepts it however hard it would be....”
And then she told me, “Hereafter don’t ask me whether I wanted to eat something or not, just buy me something and do you have any book to read now?” we both smiled at each other.

THOSE MISCHEIVIOUS DAYS….
The day being a holiday, it was impossible for him to stay in his home in Coimbatore especially with his little daughter, who always wanted to be taken out at least to some other place outside of their house. It was an important function in his native place, Pollachi. He hurried to the bus stop in the early morning. Without any trouble, he got a seat for him. The white mouse, his daughter of five years questioned him on everything she saw against the window of the bus. He answered to all the questions of her and made her to sleep on his shoulders, but she was not in a mood to sleep. When she was about to sleep the destination arrived. They got down from the bus. They were overwhelmed to visualize the festival going over in the mystic heights. Every nook and corner of the city was flooded with people. The festival began. They took part in some modes of the celebration. His daughter kept her eyes on the dolls that were seen in the vendor’s shops. She got everything she wanted by her deceiving childish words and gestures.
Then the sky began spreading its dark blanket to fall into a deep slumber. It was time for them to return their home else little angel’s mother would grow impatient and would be ready to crack the fireworks. And they have to sleep with their unfilled tummy if that happens.
So, he went back to the bus stop in order to return to their house. The bus stop was fully crowded with people. He waited to get a seat in the bus. Alas! Every bus, which entered the bus stop, was already dumped by the people. He at last got a seat on the bus with the help of another man. His little angel oblivious of the things going around her fell asleep in his lap. Then the conductor came near him; he gave the money and bought two tickets to Coimbatore. He just watched the peaceful sleep of his daughter and his nostalgic thoughts began.
He was this guy who told that he would never be able to love anyone other. There had been many girls in his life and his story had ego, cruelty, strength and weakness too.
One would have heard about it or not but love at ending years of teenage is inevitable. Some kind of cosmic force it is. We easily get attracted to someone. We start admiring someone's values, riches and their advantages or even to their faults, their innocence, etc. No matter we say YES or NO, love would occupy our hearts anyway without our permission. Then that love either becomes a disease to make us suffer or a diagnosis for all the wounds we had before. Love just happens with someone. We try avoiding it, it happens. We try embracing it, it moves away. We start running away from it, it chases us. We cheat it, it punishes us. We punish it, it cheats us. We know it is ought to happen with someone other who would treat us well, but we watch it happening with someone who will make us suffer the most. We can’t prohibit it, we can’t escape from it all we can do is just to watch it happening. Love is such a God damn thing. It never needs permission from anyone, even from our own selves to build a nest in our hearts or to hatch eggs in it. Preetham wanted to experience love at least one sided else he was afraid that he would go dimensionless.
Looking back the years of life, well, I have so many regrets to fill the little space in my heart. I couldn’t control myself for running behind things which would never be mine and got hurt because of it. I watched helpless when good things I already had had flown away from my hands. There had been so much loss, pain, trouble and failures. But now every loss is my lesson; every pain is my strength; every failure is my hope; every trouble an opportunity and I just admire myself for going through all these, yet having a wish to live my stupid life more. I feel am blessed to experience all these life changing things because without these my life would have been ordinary and I would have lost my identity just like an egg in a dozen without realising the worthy inside life. I have become a passionate lover of myself and my life if not like a rose that would love itself for its fragrance then as a cactus which would love itself for withstanding all the hardships and still growing in a desert... One day when I meet the life's greatest and last adventure called death I know I would be satisfied of having lived my life to the fullest because I have lived my life always close to the death thereby giving more space to my life and living freely. They say life always goes on but the bitter truth is it only we have to decide the path and the journey. If we don’t then we are sure to miss a roller coaster ride ahead. And I know about that life whenever you call for it, it is always ready to embrace you by taking you in its arms.
He was fifteen, and he was the school people leader in his tenth standard. Sadhana was one of the many girls boys chased after. Luckily she was a junior to him. She was studying her ninth standard and so whether she liked it or not, she had to be afraid to say something to him when he followed her all the way. He followed her more than enough to let her know that he was interested in her. And she didn’t mind him enough to let him know that things he did so far wasn’t that much noticeable. He took the second move, through a mediator friend he asked her what would be the answer she would be saying if he was going to propose her. She replied to his mediator friend that why she was unnecessarily asking the question if she knew her answer well. That was a positive sign to him. Leaving everything to God, he decided to propose her.
The next day during their recess, Sadhana was standing in the stair case, he was little frustrated but he believed he wasn’t going to be disappointed. So, courageously he went near her and told her that he wanted to speak something important with her. She asked her friends to go and started following him on her way down to the stair case. Suddenly he turned back at her and told, "I love you," as low as possible. She remained silent so he once again told her, "I love you from the bottom of my heart." He repeated the same a little bit louder the next time. She remained silent. And after that she told him, "I know that you are in love with me. But what I feel is that you deserve a girl much better than me. I am really a bad girl and I don’t deserve you." It was a heavenly feeling that a part of him was freezing and so my other parts became numb. It wasn't a dream come true but it was my reality turning into a dream. He was all at smiles, and it took five minutes to partially convince her that she was the perfect match for him and he was the one who may not deserve her really.
In a king’s stride, he went to his class after the recess. There one of his friends was crying after knowing that she had accepted his proposal. He tried to console him. He told Preetham,
“Congratulations. It’s good for you. So don’t try to console me because you won’t understand me… ”
After that day, Preetham and Sadhana were like one and another one was one. She said to him that she couldn’t believe that this crazy was sticking to her just like a band aid. Maybe they stuck together a lot more than necessary and that caused certain wounds in their relationship. Bitter things started happening not to them but around them also which spread its bitterness to them. Many of the school enemies he had earned started spreading a rumor that he almost did everything to her and he had finished her meaning they both had sex with each other. They never had touched each other but they were painted black. They didn’t mind it initially. They continued their relationship.
On the day of their farewell - which was given to Preetham’s class by Sadhana’s class members, he called her out of the stage and spoke with her for minutes. She cried saying to him that everywhere all she could hear were rumors about her. And so she decidedshe decided to break up with him.
He was somewhat hurt and couldn’t accept this pain so he cried that day and everything was fine later. It was their New Year party, they went to a friend’s house that was beside of Preetham’s sugarcane field and celebrated their party. While his other friends were having their drinks, he took her to the nearby room and they both fed each other their sugar cane juices. At eleven o clock in the night she started to lament that she would no longer remain with them as her parents warned her to come back home before midnight. He let her go and after spending time with his friends, he was heading back to his hostel in his cycle.
He was shocked that Sadhana was happily gadding with other friends of her near the bridge. He shouted at her of why she lied to him like that as soon as he saw her. A guy standing with her seemed to incited by this and that psycho started screaming, "Sadhana I don’t mind whether you both had sex and how important he is to you but if he doesn’t mind his own fucking business, I am gonna knock him down now itself."
A severe argument went between them and she went home sobbing all the way. Preetham believed things like these happen and she would not distance him for this. The next day Preetham saw her chanting with that guy who had spoke ill of her in the previous day. He was too shocked and embarrassed that she was not having any self respect at all. He thought what she said on that day was right and that he deserved someone better than her. After years looking back he could realize that on those days he didn’t know what love really meant. He wasn’t in love. He wasn’t mature to be in love. But for the sake of his vicinity he made up something called love and he penned his own love story. It looked smiling when he looked on those innocent days, in which he was told that to be had sex with a girl even before he had known what love really meant.
Then after he met her back long after in his college as a junior to him in the same way. In the starting everything was going fine. But as time proceeded, nothing went normal. Sadhana wanted to eat only in rich hotels but every time he ate in a star hotel he thought about his family, they didn’t even eat in a hotel because of the money. She wanted to see only movies in costly theatres. All were her money but he didn’t like it. He understood things were not going to work between them after marriage. One day he expressed all these. Sadhana was still the same and he knew that she couldn’t be changed. She wasn’t ready to change herself for the love rather she was ready to change lover for herself.
He believed as time proceeds she would understand what life was really meant to be. He believed it’s not in the material pleasure. It is to love and to be loved, respected, treated with kindness etc. And he thought to change himself to suit her but he knew that’s not the right way, everything would end up in a great disaster. He didn’t fight with her but she shouted at him. He thought, he didn’t want to be a rich girl’s slave, so he decided to stay away from her, then they did so. But staying away merely improvised the love they both possessed towards each other and that resulted in pathcing up.
Sadhana promised that she would change for him. He promised that he would earn more money and make her happy and comfortable but until that he wanted her to be a little stringy. When the answer for marriage is asked many relationships become question marks... and that’s what happened in their relationship too. He just understood she didn’t want to marry him.
When every time they fought he would beg her to come to the cafeteria block they had met and console her every time, but days after she refused to come to the park and he had to beg her to come. But that day he didn’t want to beg her. He went to the park waited for her and called her,
“If you want come back else don’t, I am just waiting in the park and I would be there for another two hours.”
She never came and he went. Now the mistake is in between two of them and somehow things didn’t work in their way as the way it had to happen. Then one day as usual she called him to meet in the cafeteria block. He knew she was expecting him to say sorry to her and beg her to accept but before that he told, “Let’s separate. Things don’t work out within us. Instead of staying together with each other falsely lets separate and find our own ways of life and stop hurting each other.”
People say our ego shouldn’t be as important as the bond we possess. But let me ask you one thing, if they have thought the same way then why do they want to hurt our ego unnecessarily. Why do they treat us as if we matter nothing to them. They may be busy enough being loved by many other people and if they don’t love you then aren’t you going to be one among them. If we are running behind them for love, then what’s the use in the relationship we have with them? We were merely like a dog running after them for a piece of a bone, just for need. Love shouldn’t be something we would chase after, not something we would long to have. It should be a heavenly feeling in which we should feel blessed of deserving it. You know yourself better than others. You know what you deserve for what you are giving. If you feel like you are not getting something for everything you give then don’t stop giving just chose another person who would reciprocate what you give. Because in this modern world many people wanted to be loved but they wouldn’t be in a mindset to love us back. They just wanted to feel inside happy of being loved but don’t want to express it outside. They wanted to be Cleopatras and Alexanders and wanted us to be like their fan followers. They want to use our self-image as their handkerchief in front of everyone to showcase their popularity. Sometimes you have to choose the hardest path if you want to walk happily. It’s far better not to be in a relationship than being in one in which you always remained worthless and not loved. If a relationship is true then you would be having the satisfying love within your side. And a true love would bring tears in your eyes but would never hurt you. If your love hurts then I must say you are with the wrong person, if you aren’t one… this the day when he realized he left her.
He was tired of saying unwanted false sorrys to hold on his relationship and he hated that... He thought it would be better to get away from it... Because as much as love is concerned, ego is also an important thing... when ego doesn’t nullify love wouldn’t blossom... You will say sorry and hold on to it... but at the end you will realize it’s you who always said the sorry and the love you ever wanted is something you ever received... You will realize they held their ego tight and love packed but you gave enough love and hurt your own ego... But when you realise this wasn’t the love story you wanted, your own ego will spit on you. It was at last he understood that when we find a true relationship, which do not find any mistakes in us, we wouldn’t be having a need to say sorry.. In true love there are no sides, there no divisions. True love is always one side, even when both love they take one side, same side!
Then he went in search of love there he met Saranya. She used him. She didn’t want to marry him but wanted to time pass with him. She remained as a friend to him but when he asked her to marry him, she refused him totally. He was so hurt and he thought he couldn’t live his life well without Saranya so he once again begged Saranya to accept him. Perhaps, she remained adamant still. That too because of the only reason that he didn’t mind her during the starting years when he used to be in relationship with Sadhana. But at that time he didn’t know the worth of Saranya. He didn’t know his life’s call is her. And when he had now known, she wasn’t accepting him. He tried to make her understand of how much he wanted to live with her, but still she remained the same and didn’t want to accept him.
Sadhana without informing him she got married. He thought if it was possible for her to forget all the things they had together and marry another, the same way he too could move on.
He wrote a letter to her and Saranya…
“In the path of your life... I Stood there like a stone and begged you to take me in your hands... You walked away without minding about me thinking I was just a worthless stone without knowing my worth. When the Sun shines on me, one day you will realize, I am a diamond and you would come back to claim me. But at that time I would be adorning another girl’s neck and she wouldn’t allow it. “
He wasn’t sad of broken up completely. He fell into pieces as much as possible because he believed one day some hands will collect all of my broken up pieces mend it together beautifully and give it back to him in a way he would adore it for rest of his life. He just made sure that he didn't hurt anyone except himself after he had broken especially those loving hands that came on its way to pick his broken pieces. And those hands belonged to none other than his wife’s.
A stage came where he hated everyone, who don’t want to love him or do not want to like him. And it was at that stage he wished a person who would understand him and care him deserved every good thing from him. It was at that he met his wife Santhya. She was none other than his uncle’s daughter. He didn’t know that she had a fondness for him. And when he knew it was all enough for him to give himself in her arms.
He remembered what he had said to her. And now it’s his daughter who is wearing him as if he was a precious diamond necklace to her. Sometimes he couldn’t tolerate that his life went on like this and he didn’t get the girl he loved too much, but watching the beauty of his daughter playing, he knew his life too would go on as the way she would become tall, get married and become old someday…Sometimes he had to worry for her daughter who didn’t eat than worrying for the love he didn’t attain.
Presently, he admired the beauty of an angel in sleep. His heart started to weigh more as the distance for his destined place reduced. The destination arrived. Every one stepped down the bus, he didn’t. He looked at his daughter and found his one heart was not enough to disturb her peaceful sleep. He knew very well that if he steps down from the bus then her daughter would be woken up, so he stayed in the bus. After a few minutes the conductor of the bus came.
He gave the money to him and asked “Two tickets for Pollachi.”

TRAVEL AND COIN
Our lives are designed in such a way that there would be always someone whom we would miss; there will always a sad story which would ruin our lives, there would be surely heartbreak at times and compulsorily we have to hear a mourning song in depression at certain times but we shouldn’t be carried over by this. Our lives are always in our hands and we should not forget to find a new hope in every day.
Paraman was a big trouble to his mother. He involved in all kinds of quarrels and fights that many people came to his hut and shouted at him. He wouldn’t wait with his mom when she wanted to buy groceries. He wouldn’t care to help her mother either in fetching drinking water or in thatching their hut or in any other thing. And when his mom shouted at him, he would take things and throw them away and show his anger in doubled times. More than all, he would come to home drunk and blast vulgar words on the people around their hut in most of the days. His mother Thai Palanal tried a lot to change him and recover him from his drinking habit but that remained impossible. Nonetheless, Paraman always cared for his mom, whenever she said she wanted something, he would take a part of the money he had earned and keep it aside. He would only use the rest of the money for his drinking and other enjoying purposes. He had that affectionate heart but it was his friendship gang which spoiled him totally. He was so addicted to alcohol and the kick it gave to him.
Every month after he got his salary, he would convert it into ten rupees note and coins and then give it to his mom hands full so that he would get the satisfaction of making his mom to feel happy that her son was earning a lot. Every year in the first month of his salary his mother would take one rupee and fifty paisa and knot it in her saree to offer it to the God. Paraman wouldn’t drink on the day he would get his salary but the next day he surely would.
Other than his mom, he got no one to care. Though his friends-gang acted as if they would give their lives for him, in reality they were merely friends and nothing more. Ramanujan, who was working in a respected insurance company, liked Paraman a lot. Paraman was such a handsome man. He was fair enough and his height matching his weight would mesmerize anyone. Perhaps, Paraman didn’t care about his appearance as the way he didn’t care about any other things. On the other hand, Ramanujan had a female voice and a receding hair. He used to say that the best times in his life were those when he was young and had a Titanic hero like hairstyle. He worried about his life and lamented on the same many a times. Whenever he saw Paraman drunk and laying on the road like a stray dog, he would advise him that he wasn’t knowing the worth of what he had got and that he was wasting his beautiful life offered to him.
In that evening there were brick fights in the wine shop. Paraman and his gang was involved in a quarrel with another gang and as the fight worsened they both started to throw bricks at each other. One brick almost half entered into the skull of a man and he became unconscious the same moment. And the next morning, his mother sobbed to him of why he was bring so much of unhappiness to him and she wished she didn’t have a son like this. The same day, he drank too much and climbs the pole. And that’s the end of his story. He was electrocuted the same instant. Palanal’s life had enough of miseries but this was going to be the most gruesome one. Paraman felt that he was separated from the body. He felt he couldn’t move an inch. He saw his mother crying by hugging his body. He felt the emotions but not any physical feeling only mental pains he was able to gauge. He tried to come out from his body but he couldn’t as he could not find any medium. They slowly buried his body in to the pit. At that time, the then funeral director put his hand on his head and removed the one rupee coin from his head. Paraman finally found that he was at last attached to that one rupee coin and his life and soul was bound by the sides of the coin. He tried to come out of it but he couldn’t. He understood that the one rupee has now become his own body.
Bhargava, was born as intelligent. He always wished to ask incomprehensible questions and end up with mysterious answers.
It was the year of 2020, that year was a very lucky year for the world, for it had very lesser number Earthquakes and other such calamaties, but in that year no one noticed that a whole month of September and another five days from October totally 35 days missed in the world’s calendar. No one knew any records or any kinds of events taken place in that month. Those football matches, those elections planned and other important events planned in that have taken place but that none remembered any memory of it. It was like every man in the world has suddenly lost track of what happened in that month September none remembered of anything. Even watching those replay videos of football matches people didn’t have memory of watching those, even those players who played it didn’t have a memory. It was then the scientist Kijaro discovered that human are bound to lose all their memory too soon and that they are not going to remember anything thereafter. Except a certain things, people are going to lose the remembrance and what things or people meant to them in their past.
Bhargava realized after his deep research that humans at some point of time are losing all their memories and they are not aware of it as it happens to everyone at the same time. And by this way they became unaware of the moments once they lived. They didn’t know what happened during those moments simply because those were not recorded and they didn’t have any memories to remember about it because our brains didn’t prioritize that. There was some universal fault going over, he discovered. Like we remember one day that an accident had happened to us and how it happened but we don’t remember what food we had on that day. They don’t remember it at all and even their subconscious mind too confuses those incidents with a dream and ignores them. He decided that he would take a track of his everyday life incidents in the form of permanent memory. That he summarized all his life events in front of a camera for about thirty minutes in everyday. Six months passed, he replayed back all the tapes he took. He felt that some of the days’ memories were totally out of his mind, as though those days were lived by an alien and not by him actually. He finally found one day that one September month’s memory is missing too much and like that it happens to everyone. He inquired with people about their memories and in that September month everyone’s memories seemed to be diminishing. He finally found out the factor that climatic conditions not only influence our bodies and other enzyme and hormonal functions but also it influences and controls some of the functionalities of our brain. He discovered that being in a certain region our memories could be improved to a greater extent. He decided to make his life’s goal as this. He decided to dedicate his life only for this.
Meanwhile, Paraman now as a coin after was going in to a tea-shop’s money bag. Lying in his pocket, he saw across the bridges of how he used to be happy... Now he understood what Ramanujam said on those days. He used to insist every time that he had got a beautiful life and he shouldn’t waste it by enjoying too much. Now Paraman understood that he didn’t waste his life by enjoying too much but while Ramanujam himself wasted it by worrying too much. He went into his thoughts and convinced him. Then Ramanujam gave the coin happily to a boy who sold pens in the bus and appreciated him that this boy was going to do something great in his life for he had come up to stand on his own leg and earn money in a honest way even when other cheap options were available. as a play thing for children, where they decided to check whether these coins are turning as magnets when they place it on the railway track. Paraman knew he was going to be crushed but before that one little boy’s hands saved him. That boy was the one who was once saved by Paraman when he was afraid to cross the street by the dog. Paraman said, “Take the coin take the coin it was foolishness. Are you going to lose your coin?”
Perhaps, Paraman felt how the boy could understand what he was speaking as the words he spoke wouldn’t be in that hearing frequency and wouldn’t cross the medium he lived. To his surprise that boy took the coin and told his friends that he wasn’t foolish enough to lose his coin. When that boy took the coin Paraman realized he could influence other people by speaking to them through their thoughts.
Paraman, practiced the skill daily and when he was keenly concentrated he could well hear the voices of those humans who speak with themselves. He clearly listened to their stories and healed their souls by talking to them through their own mind voice, thereby inspiring them. Paraman then after came to the tea shop and got locked inside a drawer. When Bhargava came, drank the tea and got his change, Paraman, reached Bhargava’s pocket. Bhragava wore a dirty shirt which stinked too much. It was this time he realized, he had senses and he had the same life as he had on Earth only thing was his medium for living had been changed from the Earth to the coin. Lying in the coin, lying in the shirt pocket of Bhargava, Paraman tried his best to come out.
Paraman pulled forth and back the coin and tried to knock the heart of Bhargava but his force wasn’t strong enough. Then he tried to change his mind, conjugate his thoughts with his and try to influence Bharagava’s mind with his own thoughts. But Bhargava kept his mind busy of his scientific research he was now involved with. Paraman, tried hard to influence the mind of Bhargava and change his opinion for changing his shirt. But Bhargava remained to be a toughest Paraman faced all the while. When Paraman tried to influence Bharagava by speaking to him as his own mind voice by interconnecting Paraman’s own thoughts and building a bridge between his and Bhargava’s thoughts by resonating the same frequency of his thoughts, he was able to speak out his thoughts to him but wasn’t strong enough to convince him. Bhargava after somedays understood that he was influenced by another. His own thoughts which he didn’t utter were monitored. It was at that time he realized, there is someone another inside his own mind, inside his own soul and though the other man didn’t fully control him he was trying his best to influence him.. Finally Bhargava recognized Paraman but he too failed in that mission fully. Bhargava shouted at himself, ”Who is inside me, who is influencing myself and who is speaking in my thoughts?”
Paraman spoke inside his thoughts, “Only you are speaking inside of you. Only your thoughts are influencing you,”
Then Bhargava told himself, “Yeah of course, it’s me influencing myself.”
Then a week later he understood someone is speaking in his thoughts and somehow he understood a dead man is doing so. He decided to get rid of him. He just relaxed and sat inside a dark room and tried imagining a dark spot for ten minutes. Bharagava didn’t let his own mind voice to speak or think about anything. In the end he asked the question of who was the one influencing and how he was doing it. The answer came from his voice and it struck him that the coin in his pocket was the trick behind these.
He decided to throw away the coin and Paraman decided to convey his full story to him so that he would be able to see her mom soon. His mother always said that happiness and comfort in life couldn’t be found easily and one had to struggle for it. But he always said the opposite. At this point of time he wanted to see his mother and console her for he knew she would be now thinking about him and worrying that happiness couldn’t be found in life easily. But when Bhargava heard Paraman’s story inside his mind, he appreciated himself for building such a kind of story and he started to ignore his own words and started to follow his dream path. Where he encountered these adventures. First he travelled in a bone caravan, with his eyes not blindfolded but those of others who were half skeleton and half humans and their ratios such like that with their eyes blindfolded.
He got a clue to find where the September had gone and for that he had to die and he decided to sacrifice his life to find the mystery. He went inside the huge figure. His caravan travelled into those fiery black eyes, which resembled a Hindu Goddess. Like cows living on a high way roads in his city don't understand what's going on Earth he went into a world where he didn't know what those aliens were doing. Whether cows had the ability to grasp why humans were driving some vehicles, why they were moving in some kind of roads every time and why were some people waiting at some places, etc… The same way both of them couldn’t understand what was going on really. Why those aliens were driving those beastly kind of bone caravans and those. He was just awestruck to watch those. When he passed into another complicated canal he saw many of the engineers of the world. They were creating animals moulding plants and humans etc in that underground. Time appeared like a million of octopuses joined together. It appeared to have billions of tiny tentacles and every tentacle appeared to have an eye and other sensing element. Bhargava couldn’t understand what Time was saying. But when a tentacle touched Paraman he was shocked to know that this giant monster was none other time. Paraman heard its thoughts and he was afraid to influence its mind for he was afraid of getting caught. Time lamented about those people who used him badly and Paraman knew he was one of them too.
And he died or gone in to nowhere existence this time. He knew one day death would stare at him and he wouldn't blink his eye. He knew he would die happily if he would die as a hero....
He travelled in that skull bus and everyone other than him died. When he travelled in that bus everyone other than him would die in that bus. But one day he travelled in a bus and everyone survive but he died. At last the reason for that is that everyone who travelled in that bus had a fate that anyone travelling in a bus with them would die… The caravan ended at one destination and everyone except him in that caravan died and he had to make the journey all alone by himself. And at another point he became blind when one monster blind folded his eyes, at that point in that caravan only he died and others survived. The monster took the one rupee out of his pocket and threw it away. It straightly fell on the road a little boy took it with so much of happiness and went and gave to an old lady who was selling those chocolates. That old lady was none other than Palanal. Perhaps, she didn’t notice the coin and was trying to walk away. Palanal decided to go to the temple and seek happiness for her and make her feel satisfied. She wanted to take one and half rupees to tie in her saree and later offer it to the God. Of all other coins, Paraman fought jumped, danced and danced making a swing and went and fell near a God’s photo. Palanal bent took it in her arms and enclosed it, Paraman felt how he was kissed and embraced during the day he was born. He cried mummy, mummy but she didn’t respond. She suddenly felt the absence of him and presence of him somewhere and she decided to worry by thinking about his son. It was at that time, he influenced her mind through her own voice,
Palanal unknown that Paraman was speaking in her thoughts, thought to herself,
“My son didn’t take this decision and things like this do happen. Maybe he is too near me only I wasn’t able to recognize his soul. I know he would be happy somewhere else…”and by this way she was just happy.
Of all the things he knew life is a gift and that he shouldn’t have wasted it…

TOWARDS DESTINY…
It is a snowy evening. I searched for a safe and comfortable place to lie and have a peaceful sleep. I am like a beggar but I don’t beg. Instead I sing some songs and get the money for it, and how could this be accounted as begging. Perhaps this is what I tell to console myself. I finally found a small house. The house is lined in the top with bamboo roof. Since the house is locked I sat on the small verandah and sang a happy song. I mostly sing happy songs, either to the crowd in the bus while asking for alms or during my lonely hours to kill the time. And at times I sang the sad songs, only when I believed I would feel happy about it. Yes I wanted to live a regretless life, for that I know I have to be contented with my present and accept the past which led to this present and should not hope or discouraged about my future based on his present. One has to do all these things every time, and then only a man could be really happy.
Well this is the way I live my life. Life is short and the bitter truth is that we all are going to die maybe not soon but for sure. Are you such a spendthrift to waste your meager precious moments by worrying? Just think that the things you are afraid to imagine are already over. Make the next step carefully and be happy. It is nothing wrong to trust that everything will be fine, when you well know that it is always in your hands to make everything fine. You may not accept but the truth is your life will be splendid once if you learn to accept those hard things and smile on easily. Life is crazy and all humans are also. See one day we all are going to die surely and we all know this yet we live. There is no other craziness greater than this. So there is nothing wrong in living crazily. I try my level best to live crazily, maybe that was one of the reasons why I was singing songs for alms in the streets, but no worries and no regrets I am happy anyway. I don’t have any regrets with my present, it’s all okay for me to live a happy life, but I too have some regrets for my past.
People who are inside our heart are the ones who don’t understand it fully. I had loved my wife but that is another sad story and I don’t want to think about that and feel sad about it. It might be that I am shielding myself against the worries because I don’t want to be weak but this doesn’t mean I am a coward to face these. I could face these feel pain but what’s the use?
In past days, when I was around twenty years I used to wish, I should have been beautiful a little more. I wished I had plumpy cheeks, thick dark hair and muscled body. But then I realized, we have to take life easily. We have to accept when something when they happens to us. People say we have to accept things, but I would say we have to enjoy things. Why force ourselves to accept those when you can enjoy those as the way they are?. We should just learn to enjoy being something, and be happy of ourselves of being anything.
When I think about my past life there were only failures and disappointment stories. I had lost all my loving ones and all the wealth I had, I am now an orphan, a destitute orphan more precisely. I have faced tragedies, sang melancholies and had heartbreaks but I didn’t die, as it had to be if being sad had been the purpose of my life. I just wanted to choose between either of these options: to live happily or die happily but not to live sadly. And I chose the first option for best. If I wanted to be so much sad, then I should have died for there is no other sadness intense than it. But I live, this means I don’t want to be too much sad. Nevertheless what I feel is that if I live then I should live happily and don’t want to be sad at all, right? It was the mere purpose of life, isn’t it?
Everyone has their own views, their own beliefs, their own false and true stories about happiness, the purpose and enjoyment and contentment of their lives. I have my own too. Man is unhappy because of only one reason. He thinks of the ways that made him happy in earlier days without knowing that those ways cannot make him happier. And those ways eventually fails and he is unhappy at last... He has to change it… He has to find new ways. In our childhood we were care free and happy but we can’t be happier by adopting the same way of care freeness after having attained all the responsibilities. Instead we have to find a way of making ourselves happy by taking responsibilities and enjoying them... Life is weather. It‘s those changes taking place in every moment that makes life interesting and without it would be plain. So, we have to find new ways. Now I am not rich and I don’t have anything but I have found happiness in this way... That is I am the only man who can remain happy even in this situation and this is what makes me pride and this pride gives me happiness that’s it... In my younger days, I had many dreams and many wishes and many yearnings for how my after math marriage life or older life is going to be. But now I laugh at myself for wasting my days like that. Did I dream so much only for this?
You can create happiness you can do anything... You can snap your finger and stop the world ... You can make anyone envy by being happy that after your life everyone will fight to have your life. Only thing is we shouldn’t compare ourselves with others. They say feel happy by comparing yourself with handicaps and beggars. Only fools do it. You don't know how much happy they were and I am. If you are alive you are blessed and no one is highly blessed and no one is lightly blessed nothing like that. This is what I tell to myself every time.
And don’t think that I don’t have any hopes for my future as my present life itself a happy one. Right now I am practiced to be lazier and I have hopes to work, earn and live my life in future but now I feel happy in being lazy because this age is apt for enjoying my life. I have hopes for my future life and that is to live my life happily as the way I do now and have a peaceful and self contented death one day. And this way my life goes on beautifully sometimes singing songs in the railway stations, sometimes in temples and churches and sometimes in the verandahs of the locked houses.
It is earlier morning, when the owner of the house came and shouted at me to get away from his house compound. I gave a smile and went out of that house. I am feeling sleepy and I know there are many other places for me to sleep maybe another locked house with an open verandah. I am going to find one and going to enjoy my sleep until I would wake up for a new day with a happy song. It’s simple logic for life. When sadness comes to spoil your happiness then you have to find happiness in that sadness to spoil your sadness. Some sadness is a kiddo, if you stop paying attention to it. It would stop coming towards you again and again. I would not say that you better things are waiting for you and that was the reason you missed them... Better things may not happen to you... You might end up with better things... Better things may come once again and fall out of you... Things are not sure and no one can assure you how your life is going to be... But it’s your life you decide how you want it to be if you want to get out of all these you have to start the journey by yourself...
WAR – A PUPET SHOW
Discriminating people based on races is racism. Discriminating people based on countries is called patriotism... Like all other boundaries, patriotism is also one such wall that often prohibits the love bird to cross the nation... Let future kids be taught to love the people than to love the country..
SECTION 1:
One who loves his country more than his soul is indeed a gift to the country; by the name of war every country loses its most valuable gift every time;
How much ever the nations may develop, every nation at some point of time waste all their developments to fight with other nations.
Tukaram Omble was a major in the Nation’s Air Force. He was across the borders to serve the nation. His lovely wife Leena and his son Yuvaraj (yuvi) of eight years, studying third grade were eagerly waiting for his arrival.
His son was very much angry towards his father, because he was not always available with him, while his friends’ fathers where always with them. He awaited his father’s return in order to show his anger towards him.
A week later his father returned with a bag full of chocolates for his son. His wife welcomed him with a warm hug. But yuvi offered him a sad face. Omble went near him and asked
“What happened to my superman?”
Yuvi grinned and asked
“Why are you always leaving me?”
His father lifted him on his shoulders and said
“All because of the war, I love our nation and I have got to save our nation”.
“But my friends’ fathers are always with them. Don’t they love our nation?” yuvi asked.
“It is not that they don’t love their country but that I love more than them” that time he answered him with a kiss on his forehead.
“He has come now only. He will be tired. You shall have your questions later” Leena interrupted and saved Omble who saves the nation from his son’s firing questions.
Yuvi ran behind him ignoring his mother’s words.
“He will be here only until your holidays get over…” Leena said to him.
Yuvi then went on to watch television. In the television the scenario of the war that was about to arose due to some border conflicts with our neighbour nation was telecasted. He watched that. His father then went to dine, his mother called him, he went and sat on his father’s lap and asked,
“Why do wars come?”
“Because to end the problems that was caused due to some problems and other conflicts with our enemy countries” Omble answered to his son’s eager eyes.
“Why do problems arise? Does our enemy countries are that much bad” yuvi asked with a sigh.
“Not at all like that. There are also common people like us; that country also contains: houses, men going for their work, women doing their household work and kids pestering their father just like you”
He told yuvi with stroking his hair.
Yuvi giggled and asked “Then why do wars arise?”
His mother once again saved Omble. She said, “Leave him yuvi, you have already exceeded the questions you can ask for a day, you can ask your questions later”
Then he kept quiet till he ate and after that he went asleep in his father’s lap while watching the television.
Few hours later, call came for Omble from Air force that,
“The war was about to commence- return immediately”
After that Omble started packing his things. Though it was hard to bear for Leena she knew very well that she had no option and no reason in impeding him. And moreover it wasn’t new for her, the same had been happening for her each time the television reads out the news that “There are chances for war to commence soon”
When Yuvi came knew that, Yuvi started his obstinacy by rolling on the floor asking his father not to leave. He sobbed and did every possible thing to prevent his father leaving him.
His mother land was calling him, so he had no other options other than ignoring his son’s determinations. He took yuvi on his shoulders and consoled him by saying that,
“The breath of the normal people reaches the lungs; while the breath of the one who loves their country reaches the heart. Those men are called as the patriots”
“A patriotic man shouldn’t be idle watching his nation when it is in peril” he asserted him,
When he stopped crying, Omble told him that
“If you want yourself and me to be patriots then you should not impede on my journey to protect our nation”.
Yuvi then changed his mind and asked in his childish way, “You still haven’t answered that why wars do arise?”
Omble kissed his son on his cheeks on the way to his journey and said
“I will surely answer to your question next time, now return the kiss to your father and say good bye”.
Omble called Leena and said “I will call you after a week, take care”
After Omble left, he went to bed with his unanswered question that rooted towards his belief that
“If I could find the reason behind why the wars arise, then I will make the war never come. So that I can have my father as long as I could”.
From that next day his mother was the one to face all his questions he asked her one question but repeatedly every time,
“When will dad return?”
And his mother gave him the same answer every day that “might be tomorrow”.
A week later Leena was expecting the phone call from her husband, the neighbour house family members crowded near her house. She was shocked on hearing the gossips that went on the crowd. With shivering hands she took the television remote and switched it ‘ON’. She didn’t know that a thunder storm was waiting to carry away the peace of her family. She saw her husband’s photo telecasted and the news underneath it displayed that, he was one among the fourteen men who had sacrificed their lives for the good of the nation during the war.
She always apprehended that, this might happen someday. So she always prayed to God that this should never happen and she believed in God that he would never leave her in such like trouble. But when she realised that those daring things had at last happened to her, she frustrated and stumbled with the thought,
“How I am going to answer to yuvi who is sleeping oblivious of all these fatal happenings.”
Yuvi then opened his eyes to see the most darkened day of his life. He was dumb folded on seeing his mother crying he recognised that his father would be no more available with him. An hour later his father arrived in the form of a respectful corpse and blood stains in his uniforms. Yuvi unable to tolerate the game that fate had played in their life on seeing his father’s body went near it and said
“I won’t ask you anymore questions please comeback pa…”
The hard time passed slowly. People gathered in mass around their house cried out slogans praising the great sacrifice made by him. Those people helped the cremation of Omble in a good way. His funeral was an adorable one, only few good men like Omble could get one like that.
Two days later the local politicians came to their house in order to buy the popularity and fame by bargaining the major’s sacrifice with their solatium money. But when they offered the money Leena refused to accept that because she didn’t want to fix rate for Omble’s patriotism. And moreover she knew very well the poisonous motive behind their hypocrite disguise.
It was only because of those hypocrite politicians the war and other conflicts among the nations were caused. First they attain power by vowing to people that they would do their best for the welfare of the county. After that they were just concentrated in the welfare of their family. Sometimes it was their personal conflicts and narrow mindedness that leads to the war. Always these narrow minded leaders would be reason beneath a nation’s deprival.
Then the politicians advised to accept the money at least for the sake of the welfare of her son, but she again refused. They compelled, yuvi came near them got their money and then he straight away threw it on their face. The crowded people humiliated them and they were left with no option other than leaving their house with dismays.
SECTION 2:
Yuvaraj then grown up with the immense love of his mother; and with the affection repaid by the people who once debited with his father’s patriotic sacrifice of his life. Then he joined in the same air force as the fighter aircraft pilot. He was well practised of driving the aircrafts even in the sonic speeds.
At that time the Nation’s air force became omnipotent. And everyone especially families of military men were afraid that it might become the time for it to be tested; because once again the same border problem rose up between the two countries. That same crisis which went unresolved when the wrong decision of war was approached as the solution to end the problem; had at last started to peak out its head once again. Though both the countries suffered heavy loss in terms of economy and lives and they were not afraid to indulge in this fatal game again. By the previous war nothing was gained except the tears and curses of the family members who lost their loved ones.
Those foolish leaders never stopped making their blind decisions. Once again the war, which was feared to occur, had at last begun. A month later the war touched its hard core intensity, both nations began to suffer loss in the form of lives.
By the name of war those stupid leaders efficiently played their show with holding the patriotic threads of the dolls named people. And moreover the thread of patriotism tied the people to oppose the war.
A week later yuvi was given order to bomb their enemy country with the aircraft. He first accepted the order and went on flight. Later he changed his mind and returned, because he didn’t wanted to become a murderer.
He was then arrested for disobeying the rules and regulations of air force. And he was jailed. His senior officers came to see him and he asked,
“Aren’t you ashamed of this, I wonder was you really a son of the patriotic Omble.”
Yuvi’s eyes turned red. The officer continued, “Not even a single drop of patriotic Omble’s blood runs in your unpatriotic body”
Yuvi got furious and said,
“If patriotism impedes as the wall to the bird of love that flies across the world then everyone who owns such like patriotism should be ashamed of themselves”
“If patriotism also causes loss of lives then it is no more differentiated with terrorism”
His senior officer was ashamed after hearing that. He understood that he was one among the fools who screened their eyes with the dark cloth of patriotism and was unable to see the beautiful portrait of love and treating the entire human alike.
“Every time one forgets that he causes destruction to his own community of humans…while he uproars that he serves his own country’s people”
Those who even involve in it, doesn’t knew the reason “why”
They just fight, win or lose and at last die,
Only the innocent people becomes the prey
To the beast named “war”.
It is just a bad example the past had left for us,
It is a circle that ends at the same point where it began
And continues forever,
It can never find a solution to a problem
Because it is itself a problem to a solution,
It makes a patriot either a killer or a dead corpse,
It makes people either to cry or to curse,
It is a disease that affects the health of a nation,
And soon makes it die suffering from pain;
Nothing would fall under its gain,
On thinking it can be understood that
It is strange, stupid and foolish
Think of something, what was the reason?
If you can’t get anything then ask yourself
“Why war?” and “Why this murder rage”…
Then the issue became the hot news in Medias. Some broad minded people understood the motive lying beneath the Yuvi’s concern.
The youths of the nation joined their hands and some matured people too assisted them. Yuvi became the hero. In order to earn the people’s concern many things were made. And a peace march of millions was organised. Yet few leaders were still adamant on their view.
At last they decided to know the people’s wish to have a war or not. All the people, who have the thought that wars were stupid enough and they never solve the problems, were requested to send letters to one particular address.
Millions of letters gathered in that address, nearly half of the letters came from the other country.
And at last the president of the Nation too joined in their movement.
Then he himself volunteered in peace talks with the other nation. A good leader must do like this only; he should involve himself in negotiations regarding any problem before using the weapon of war. A better leader will look for peace in every problem that could arise. While a best leader will run the nation in peace such that problems never arise.
And at last the reasonless war came to an end. The bird of love crossed all the impediments such as walls of boundaries, language, religion, etc and flew too high in the sky so captivating to the watching eye.
The little boy once pestered his father that “Why wars do come?” at last found the reason and as he thought he made the wars to cease its existence.
If he had done this earlier then he would have had his father with him like he thought. And now it is too late for him to think like that. But he consoled himself that at least his son shall have his father always with him.
FISHERWOMAN, WHO FISHED HEARTS..
He used to dance when he was happy. When the love of his life went on in a wrong move. He didn’t know what to do. His heart’s music started to play in a high beat. On that day it was her marriage and all he did was to dance.
When he was sad all he know was to dance…
It was our first day. A half of us came earlier and occupied our favorite places in the earliest. There were certain moments in life which were meant to be cherished forever. One such was when we saw each other for the first time. Though good or bad, though we like them or not, we realized our next year was going to be spent together with them and we hoped that it would remain memorable. And who knows, how important the person we meet going to become in our lives? We believed, at least a few of them would be there in our lives up to the end-time. In this way we started running the race. The class teacher arrived, classes begun, few listened and others had their own jobs to do.
It is the time for us to see our friends, people who are going to be friends and others too. Seeing some of the girls meant for the boys that they had to remain in the company combating the assessment exams at least for these.
Awesome moments were flowing like a river but we were able to scoop only a few. A very few people whom we met in CTS would occupy a permanent place for life long. We will be in contact with them if not by any means then at least through social networks hoping that they wouldn’t forget us until we wouldn’t.
That evening after our classes ended he met Nina in the same park bench of our college. We were holding our hands, sitting together and watching the sky.
"Which part of my body you love the most" she asked me.
"Your ring finger" I told her.
"Why?" she asked me.
"It’s that beautiful ring finger that will make you my pretty wife..."I told her.

She told of how much cold exists there in her country... Hearing it he told it shivers me..
he danced like the rise of music..
Nina why don’t you love?
“Piyush, I know how much you love me and I really wanted to love you with all my heart. But I don’t have two hearts to do that and my one heart is already with him.”
“It appears as if nothing to you because you have already got that.”
“Nina please even if you don’t love me to marry me it’s not going to be a problem but don’t marry that transgender and spoil your life. I am thousand times better than him. Marry me Nina, we would be perfect. I am the honey of your life, don’t push me away.”
“Piyush, love is not finding the perfect person, it’s making ourselves complete by finding our missing pieces. And you know that those missing pieces are not perfect. Mehbub is my missing piece.”
See the way we are. We are both imperfect. We both have defect but look at you how perfect you are you will really get someone better.
“Nina defect, is not merely about not getting the tings which others have got it’s also about not getting things which we really want. See, I haven’t got the girl I loved so much. If this makes sense I am the greatest handicap of all us. “ Piyush cried out in agony.
As the way he had promised he should now agree to do her a favor as she had won the dance competition as she had said. And she wittily asked that he should help her in choosing the marriage ring for her. Though he was not interested she forced him to do so. One day Nina dragged him to a ring shop and told him that only he had to choose the ring for her marriage. Perhaps, for her groom she chose the one and she grew adamant to change it when Mehbub wanted it to be the one he had chosen. What he chose was an excellent diamond ring for the bride and what she chose was an impeccable ruby ring for the groom. The rings needed to be identical for the marriage but both didn’t want to leave either of those.
Three years had passed since Piyush stepped out of the Canberra’s airport with his pocket diary containing the qualities of the girl he wanted to marry. Everything happened fine but none in a way he had imagined. He looked back into his life; nostalgic smokes settled inside of him began to drizzle. This was that list.
She should be very beautiful for I love the beauty, and which will make me to love her forever. Fair white complexion, black hair, elegant body, enticing face and green eyes are what I crave for.
She should love me unconditionally and should be a supporter of my dreams. She should adjust with me and should always make me feel special.
She should be kind and an easy going type. She should have a good past. She may be loved or loved by any but I should be the first guy to kiss her.
She should be the one who dreamt much about her husband and her aftermath life with him. For I will satisfy all her needs and be the best husband she ever wished for.
She shouldn’t be much proud about herself and shouldn’t covet for money. She may be a spendthrift it won’t be a problem but she should not be a miser.
She might be a medium intelligent and should be a hardcore lover of things I was familiar and popular in.
She shouldn’t question me often and shouldn’t be adamant. She should know that she is my whole world and I only think about the good of us.
She should be Ok with all my defects because all other of my achievements and every good thing of me just belong to her.
She should be ready to leave anything for me. For I love her like anything.
She should possibly know that even when she fails to satisfy any of these above expectations, I will love her unconditionally if she could be able to break my heart by any of the above qualities or maybe from some other qualities. Anything it maybe, I merely want a reason which will make me to love her forever and I would marry the girl who I believe would make me to do so. It will be all fine, if she just understands that all I wanted is to marry one woman and if she is my wife, she already means many things to me.
Piyush’s pocket diary not only contained this list but also all other important and interesting facts about the dream girl he was about to meet in his future. He always carried this in his pocket. Whenever he felt like he had seen the dream girl, he took this diary out and rated down the chances for and the expectations he had for his dream girl. He was curious on every girl he got a chance to see, from a waitress, receptionist to an airhostess, analyzing whether she was the one his heart was craving for. When he saw some lovely couples - who were mismatches by their appearances yet holding each other tightly – and when read the pages of his pocket diary, his heart used to sadden thinking whether he was expecting too much. Perhaps, he trusted that there was something called destiny which would bring such a girl to him and he felt nothing wrong in dreaming about a girl like this for he was just thinking to make her life and his life beautiful. He hoped he would one day show these to his wife and both would feel excited of how he was able to find such an impeccable dream girl in his life.
He remembered the day he was so interested to prepare a list of qualities for his dream girl. It was at that day, soon after he finished preparing the list; someone rang his house’s calling bell. Outside there was a post man with a letter. The letter was his selection letter for the Varanasi University he had applied for. His life’s call to study his dance in the college he had always dreamt of had arrived. He knew sort of that his dream girl was going to be a traditional Indian girl and he knew finding such girls international dance school had minimum chances. Perhaps, he didn’t want to miss the dream and purpose of his life because of this. He knew about the kind of excitement that lasted in his family after he got a chance to pursue his education in a respected college, which for many people was dream that never came true. He took everything he wanted to take, kept his pocket diary in his pocket and bade good bye to his mother and got in his father’s car for the way to airport.
Leaning on the windows of the car, he spoke to his imaginary dream girl.
His father interrupted his dream-saying,
“Always be in touch with us, Piyush. We miss you a lot, come in video chat as much as possible. Don’t drink too much”
With his father’s parting words, and without shedding smiles or tears, without worrying about missing each other, he boarded the flight.
He loved his college and the environment well in the first day itself. How couldn’t he as he started to love it even before joining it, when he saw the photos in internet. Since it was a big university containing a group of twenty colleges inside, his own university seemed to be a small world filled only with youngsters. He loved all those people arrived from various countries. Instead of looking for his dream girl he was busy in getting to know with people and making them his friends. He easily made good friends with many people with his cool and honest attitude. Piyush wasn’t a boy anymore he was a man and he well knew how to behave with people.
His first day classes began. He believed that he was going to meet his soul mate only in this college and for that he wrote the first confession in the notice board of their university. For this he would wake up earlier come to his university and stick his confession paper and run away.
“’One Day I Know I Would Hug You Tight After Our Marriage
And Whisper Into Your Ears, Which None In This
World Has Told You Before, It Is Nothing But
You Are Actually Made For Me.’
They don’t. And even you don’t know how much beautiful you are. Only I know. If someone hurts you take it easy. It’s going to be only some more days. People here are hurting me too but I don’t care them because I know one day I will find you and only you are going to matter and none other. My soul mate, I don’t know where you are right now but one day I will find you. Keep your faith because as long as you are waiting for me I will be searching for you. One day I will reach you and that’s the day you will realize that I wasn’t made for you but I was born for you. They say we don’t meet people just by a chance accidentally; we meet someone because there is a reason behind it. I know the reason I would meet you one day, it is because I know you are mine. And for the same reason I am going to get you too”
His first post remained interesting and it started to catch readers. On the next day more than he expected many girls and boys gathered to study this. Girls appreciated it a lot and said lovely and such words but most of the boys were very irriated with this that one boy reported it and tore the paper the same day.
That feel was so special to him. He knew his soul mate was very near him and she was going to meet him sooner but he couldn’t guess who she would be and when he would meet him. This made every girl he met to be important and every moment worth cherishing. At the moment he saw an angelic girl, Piyush didn’t want to look at the list, he just wanted to take his pocket diary and throw it down for he understood she was the girl meant for him. When he looked at her for the first time, he really couldn’t look away. His heart whispered this was the girl he was expecting for all these days. His heart got swayed all in one moment because of the way she moved around. So much confidence in her ways and so much of happiness in her face.
Piyush waited for her first chance to talk with her. Perhaps, what he could do when he didn’t even knew what her name was. He had seen her only once in a canteen then after for a whole week he couldn’t see her even.
“This is my confession about the girl, whom I recently saw in our college. Yeah!! Your guess is right, I too study here only. I believe in soul-mates, I believe someone is born only for me. This girl is making me to regret that I am wishing too much, I feel like I am asking something I could not deserve. I started to notice something I didn’t notice before. She is God-damn beautiful. I know for sure that she is the girl who would complete my incomplete love story. I watched her closely; she is childish and has many friends. She is like a pack of fireworks she keeps the surrounding lively, like a bunch of roses, keeps the environment enticing.
Hey you!! I don't know your name, your class or anything. All I know about you is that you ate in Ground floor and that's where I have seen you (First time while you bought sandwich, I was standing near you). If you are already committed, I will stop wishing for you and make myself understand my soul-mate is going to be another. I don't know whether you read this or not. I don't know while reading this, whether you will know it’s about you or not. Let all that be a mystery. But I hope if you are destined to be my soul-mate, you, my lucky charm, will reach my hands safely. My snow-flakes polar bear, cutie-pie tulip, Barbie-doll-white mouse, you watch me closely from tomorrow in the ground-floor, I am a guy, whom none could easily guess it to be me(that’s my clue for you to find me). I have found you, and if you want you find me you do it. I won’t wait for you or come for you but who knows in case if I was born for you, I will be surely there for you, when your eyes search for me.
Two red roses…“
Piyush afraid to tell about the feelings of his heart directly to Nina started to confess about her, about his dream girl. It began with a confession like this…
He then saw his girl of life reading his confessions about her everyday interestingly. He then understood her name was Nina Thomas. He went to speak with her directly without delaying, for he thought he had already waited for these many years. When he introduced himself, he became aware that Nina was a deaf and dumb by birth. He was not in a confusion to choose her to fall in love with or not as love doesn’t give him a chance. As days followed there were love poems and quotes about a particular girl in their notice board. Though he couldn’t confess his love to Nina, he became a good friend with her and by this he got a chance to what was in her heart.
When he started loving her, he also started to love the imperfections he had within himself and those he found in Nina. One day he told her,
“I love imperfections they somehow make me feel close to God. They make me feel that purpose of my life, that uniqueness he had given in me must mean a purpose. And when I know that this ugliness is meant for something I feel this too is beautiful in its own way. “
When she was dull with his pleasing words, he always made her feel special and because of this they both became friends sooner.
“You have got the two best things in this world. Look yourself in the mirror you will know what the first thing is. Look yourself in my eyes you will know what the second thing is” This is what he used to say at her.
Use for my school had a bench..
End of the day Nina finally came shook hands with him and expressed,
“Happy birthday!” and gave a gift to him in the evening which was a speaking clock. All their wishes and sweet words made his birthday beautiful. He welcomed and thanked each and every rose plant that dedicated their wishes of roses to my birthday these roses not only decorated his day well but also has left fragrances over my sweet memories.
He went to give chocolates to her in order to celebrate his birthday. He told her that he was very happy.

For the SQL there came Bhuvana as our trainer. She is one among us. She gave us freedom and we owe her for that. Like a feather we flew across our sky called CTS. Thereby, we embraced many of the blessings sooner before it reached the down Earth. Our second assesments SQL a nightmare is also over. Effectively, everyone in our batch cleared the stage-1 assessments and we are half-confirmed associates of CTS. But it also meant that we are in the half way through the well. We have to cross it fully else no use. Our trains halted in a few places. Coming out successfully through the tunnels of assessments had been our main focus but still the eye-catching sceneries we saw made travelling worth-while. One such is our birthday-parties.

Piyush wrote confessions about her unknown to anyone in the early morning and went with Nina to study the same after their classes began. Nina loved reading it. She said to him, she just loved that, she felt a girl should be lucky to get a guy like this. Every day she rushed to the dormitory to see what the confessor has confessed recently. He wrote a confession about that girl and pasted it on the board and waited for Nina to read it.
None got a clue of who is writing these confessions and whom was it written about. In the following day another confession was visible on the board.
“I watched you and you were reading my confession with a smile on your face. Perhaps, I know that you didn’t think the confession is about you only and so does other people. SO I have kept two red roses on your place to let you know that you are the girl I wrote a confession and I am talking with”
He kept a rose in her place and when Nina found that she understood it was Piyush doing all these. When the guy revealed who the girl was by keeping two red roses, on her desk, she immediately took the flowers and threw it on Piyush’s face and scolded him.
“If you love me so much, I must say you, what I am going to say is to break your heart in pieces,”
“Please don’t say it then” he pleaded.
“I wish I could. There is already a Mehbub in my life, only to pursue him, I came all along this way to this beautiful country.”
Nina expressed,
“Say something,”
Piyush couldn’t digest that he met his dream girl and fell in love with her without knowing that she already loves another. With so many dreams about her he wanted to marry only Nina and no other go. But Nina refuses… What happens next?? He felt for the first time that why people asked him not to fall in love and that too with an innocent girl.
That feel when your lover is with you, you feel the whole world is walking with you. You don’t want to care about anything other knowing that you will miss moments too much by caring anything other which would not matter. That feel can’t be made by everyone. There is always a particular string that makes that particular sound. And its pleasantness the way it sounds could never be replaced by anything other. Some other strings might produce some other beautiful sounds but it would not be the same sound made by that particular sound. He didn’t what other would make him feel okay of not getting her and all the answer he knew for this was death…
But he felt if she could be happy somewhere he would also be happy and felt that he was not worthy enough to deserve her but all his mistakes were going to be regrets when he realized that whom Nina refuses to let him go in order to hold Piyush was a transgender.
She said how her love story began it was all because of him. She was a girl who used to see him as a burden but only he made her to feel that she was special. He used to tell her,
“You don’t have any handicap in your body; it’s all in your heart. The real disabled people are those who look life as a burden instead of cherishing every little moment it has offered. You say your life is trouble, let me ask you one thing. Did your parents see you that way when you are born? You are up to this only because of them. But see yourself; you are looking our future child as a burden to them. Why are you so afraid of future, when life doesn’t guarantee you anything? We can
He was a transgender. From a well renowned family, he was brought up. His life must be a sin many told, but for him his life was meaningful and he wanted to show the same to those who were afraid to live. That university was a fine place, since none had bullied them rather they helped him and supported them all the time.
“Daddy you did a great thing to me. You didn’t throw me out. You know I am disgrace but you happily accepted it. But why you did that? Did you know how hard it would be for me when I grew up like this?” with tears in his eyes, he asked his father after Piyush asked why he hadn’t committed suicide.
“I was totally disappointed when I saw you in that condition. The moment I saw you, I really wished you are born dead. Everyone around me told either to kill you or drop you in an ashram. I asked your mother to decide, she cried silently leaving me to decide. In one moment I took you in my arms, looked at you in your eyes. I heard you say it wasn’t your mistake. I felt you are not a disgrace. I decided to bring you up. When I looked at you shaking your arms and legs, I understood you too are having a life, the life that was offered by me. You are also a part of me this means your defect is mine actually. And I felt you are going to make me proud and yourself proud no matter of things. But I know some would not allow you to remain safe they may hurt you and you would be hurt and I promised myself that I would be always there and say it’s not worth it, for everyone in this world have their own defects. ”
After listening his father speak, he at last told,
“Thank you, dad”
People here are ungrateful; they get too much and complain. I am not that handsome, nor someone too great, I am just another soul and I know my life would have been better if God has given me something more. Perhaps, it’s unworthy if we know that we have already gotten too much and yet we ask for a little more. When I look at the greatest things life has bestowed me, I become speechless for a moment wondering how blessed I was to deserve all these. I am someone who is loved and remained loveable all the times, isn't it something great. I have known the value of every little thing which brought me happiness, I have crossed every hurricane that came to destroy me, I have traveled up to the desires of my heart and felt disappointed finding nothing left for me over there yet I have successfully swam across those disappointments clinging to my virtual boat of hope. I have fought every dragon of failures pointed towards me by using my secret weapon of hard work. And here I am finally breathing my life as if every second is very important. But all these don’t matter, as our lives are not only meant for this. What my inside heart says my life is worth living is something different and here it goes like this. During my depressing times, I always used to wonder why can’t people smile at a stranger and make their day better. Why can’t they remain trustworthy, appreciate people and get returned by the same good things they gave away. Then I questioned to myself, am I like this? Why Shouldn't I be like this? Still then I am trying to be a loveable one. It was in those moments I learned, with life we can do magic, we just have to believe it and try it. Perhaps, there are certain things which we can’t easily change their course. It’s like this anyway, if we are beautiful we have to enjoy it, if we are ugly in the same way we have to enjoy that too. We can be grateful or we can complain. But whatever we do things remain the same Parallel things can’t happen in life we just have to enjoy things as the way they happens. When it comes down totally its all ends up here simply. If we live we life well with a purpose, principle and a meaning, even God would be impressed. Even HE will become our slave asking us to teach him how to make this world a better place... If that's the case and I am offered so much why should I worry for things that matter less? When I am infinite why should I worry for being counted less by others? When I am composed of million miracles why would I even bother when I get maximum/minimum likes by others? I simply don't care about what others hold of me when I know my life is going to be lived only by me and that too only once...
And one day Piyush suddenly came and said to Nina,
“You are right. I am not practical. As you said, ‘I can’t cope up with you all the time.’ My parents are not going to allow me. Like the way they wished I am going to marry a girl and live happily. But know that without you I have become a handicap!! Have you seen the wind instrument and wondered what converts the air into the beautiful music. It was those imperfect holes in that which composes the fabulous music.”

She was born with this defect, which can’t be explained. She hated herself for being born with this but he always loved her in spite of this and always tried to convince her that there was nothing wrong in born like this. She too loved him immensely. One day they decided to marry. But then the she came to know that her plight of being born was a prenatal affliction inherited from the defect in the genes of her family’s generation. The same thing will also be naturally inherited to her child too. After knowing this, she grew adamant that she didn’t want to marry and give birth to some other with same defect like hers. Though he compelled her, she expressed that she had a miserable life until she met him and she didn’t want to see her child suffering miserably. She cried that if her mom had thought so then she would not have cursed with this pitiful life. The boy then gave a letter to her.
“You expressed that you had a miserable life, until you met me. The same goes with me too. My life was lonely and miserable with none to care, only fake people to share my true emotions. And then I met you. Do you know that my life changed colorful after your hands touched my life? When you started to care me as your own, I got interest to live as my life got someone to care. You swept away the emptiness in me and darkness in my life. If you believe you have chosen the right man then trust me I would be there to take care of you and I would also take care of our child twice better than you. You know what your real defect is; you are born with a weak heart that you take every little thing so sensitive. You love too much, that’s the defect. You know what happens when you love too much and leave, it hurts too much. Not everyone is lucky to find their missing pieces like us. You are an angel in my life and I believe our child would also become angel someday in someone’s life. You offer me the utmost perfect love and I really wonder how you would offer this perfect love to me if you are defected as you say. Defect is something that belongs to our heart. No one is perfect in this world, I too have many defects but you wholeheartedly accepted mine. The same way we will accept our child too and our child will also accept us and this world. We would remain as the best parents to our child. Finally, the decision is yours. I never have and never will compel you much on anything, but I want you to close your eyes and think for a minute about everything I said.”
Then one Sunday they both got happily married in a church and in a temple as per their traditions. They both got a beautiful daughter two years later. She was born like her mother. They looked after her well for ten years until he left her alone to do this job when he passed away after a fatal accident. She had that letter safe even after all these years and she read it often. She read it one last time in her death bed after living for happy eighty eight years in this beautiful world. It was because it’s the letter which made her to understand that she was not cursed with her defect as she thought but she was blessed indeed to meet a perfect man and to fall in love with him. It’s this letter which made her to realize that true love is something beyond everything. It doesn’t see defects, faults and imperfections but some kind of beauty in all those.

You see I looked on to the list I had once. You don’t hold more and I think I haven’t yet find my dream girl. You don’t love me right. And just because of this I couldn’t stop loving you as such. I can’t forget you because of this. But what I will do is I will try not to remember about your declination to my love or cold rejection, I will try and occupy myself with other things and try to find someone new. It is useless to waste our times by loving those people who don’t love us back rather we should reciprocate the love of those who loves us.
“Mehaboob, you are such a coward. You are afraid to live your own life. Please don’t neglect me I will once again become crippled. I was at first time happy in my life after being born as handicap on my when I met you. I felt that I am going to be fit in somewhere perfectly,”
“Let stop all these shit of drama, love, fucking love just happened with you. I love you and I know you also love me. Stop all yours fucking psychologies and theologies, you are going to accept me”
“You say you don’t love me, then why the fuck you learnt the sign language?”
“You know what, even I love you even more. And I didn’t want you to hurt that’s why I stayed apart but now I realize, I would have killed you by chosing that. I am accepting you with all my heart, we can get married but with one condition.”
“!!... you should stop abusing words,”
“My life is a purgatory. Why you want to come into it??”
I saw her face, so innocent, so loving, that something inside me said, “She will love me. She would like me” I trusted my instinct, because I believed I wasn’t going to regret for that. All together I realized I was caught up in her nets of love, in the bait of eye fishes, the same way fishes get caught in fisherman’s nets.
Mehbub was a great dancer from Iran, his father came India long back and stayed there itself. While Nina was a dumb and she wanted to be a dancer. Along the way came Piyush only to fall in love with Nina, without knowing that she might be greatly influenced thereby gotten to fall in love with her mentor/teacher Mehaboob. Mehaboob being a Muslim brought up with cultural values, he refused to accept the love growing in Nina, because of the fact that he got boobs and was originally a transgender. Nina came a long way to prove that there is nothing wrong in it. If his heart is so pure and he has gotten all the rights to live his life as others do.
Though Piyush understood that she wouldn’t accept his love, all he couldn’t accept is that she wasn’t falling into proper place. He could have accepted if she wasn’t wishing to marry a transgender and spoil her life. Piyush has warned his master, who was his dance teacher for Nina quite a long time. That if he marries her he was going to spoil her full life, he shouted angrily,
“Why are you people alive and don’t die and cause troubles to others?”
He goes to mosque, she prays in church and he goes to temple. But Nina and Piyush had thousands of dreams of their life partners these two lived with a principle. That there should be only one life partner in their life and they should be their one and only soul mate.
“You love the dance in me and not me. There is a huge difference you don’t understand,”
“There is dance in me too, yeah I love the dance in both of us but more than that I love life in you. I love it more than I love the life in myself, you are the music of making my every move, and every cell to dance and taking you out will stop my heart from beating its music.”
“I can’t accept you Piyush, you are perfect”
“Don’t play with me, Nina. Stop your stories, I was perfect before I saw you maybe but without you now I am more crippled than you and even than that transgender,”
Piyush and Nina’s brother Darwin were friends, he told him “You shouldn’t allow this Darwin,”
“I know he would keep her happily and even you would but she would be happy to care and cared by him. She loves him and not you. The difference is simple, you love Nina and can’t accept someone better than her, and the same goes with her too,”
The dance rehearsals began, Mehbub danced, Nina and Piyush followed. They two danced and Mehaboob couldn’t resist falling to Nina that he hugged her watching this Piyush rose like the music in a piano danced his in and out and left the competition and the university all together to drive a bike in a road furiously. After sometime, one or two hours of continuous driving, he calmed down and with tears he said to himself,
He knew well that she would not allow him to alter anything in her life. She wouldn’t even give a chance to take a decision in her life for her life. Then if it’s all like this why should he worry for her life and care for the good of her, when she didn’t want him or his advice. He felt there is no use in trying to be with her and improve her life when his own is lingering over the struggled pathways. I made all these dream girl wish list, and all these nonsense only to find a girl whom I would love from all my heart but now I have ended up hating one, yes I hate her now but for the good of her when I loved... Since the day I saw you first time, I learned a thousand ways to love you in every passing day except one little way to make you love me back. One day I suddenly realize this and then trying to stop loving you, and it is like trying to forget all the beautiful moments I had in these past days since I loved you. It’s like erasing those happy days away from my life and making myself to believe that my life has never been happy... It just hurts me a lot... This should have been other way... This pain of mine should been our happiness instead, because only aiming for it I kept on loving you... This is ought to be our love story and not merely my failure story... This should been about you, I and us and not merely about me.. You are ought to care about me and make me happy because I love you so much... You are ought to wipe out my tears and give a happy ending to my story because I love you a lot... You are ought to share my pain, my happiness and my every little moment because I love you than anyone other. Yes it’s still going to pain but I am going to stop loving you because I too have some hearts loving me and I have to live my life for them too instead of wasting it by worrying for the one, who would not care me at all... You don’t even think about us but we feel that though you said you don’t love us, you too would be caring and wishing that we should be happy like we wish for you every minute... Perhaps, it’s not all the time like this. I made a mistake at that time. You are going to live your life and you are not going to allow me to bring any changes into your life. You are preceding it in the way you want. Then why should I waste my time? When all you care is your own, what’s the difference it would make if I love you or don’t… Consider a girl who would care for me, if she knows I love her she would also love me even more… One day that girl is going to be my life and for that let you remain my love failure there is nothing wrong in it… It’s simple; if you don’t love me at all then I guess I don’t need you at all....

WITH DEEP REGRETS

The bus halted in its end destination. Though there was a lot of time left for the next trip of the bus, James went inside of it early. He was the first one to get inside of the bus. That was the routine bus he took every day. He knew very well that, this day was not going to be an ordinary one like the other days. He sat on a window seat in that bus. As soon as he sat in the seat he adjusted his jacket, he had wore and made sure that the zip was tightly fit.
After few minutes people began to rush towards the bus, and soon the bus started to crowd with people.
The bus had to move within half an hour. The bus was usually taken by blondes. And as he expected, he was the one and only coloured man among them. It was some decades ago that people were racially discriminated but then with the enrichment of humanity among the people and with the development among the generations, most of the people mingled with each other giving a second thought to racism. A white man of about thirty five years old came and sat near him. James hated white men, but he had no other option than travelling with him. The old man seemed to be in a blithe, a chirpy smile accompanied all around his whitish face.
The white man began a conversation with him. Though James was not interested in replying to him, the white man didn’t give James an alternative choice to remain mum. He gave the white man, hardly two or three words of an answer for each question he asked. Sooner the white man’s interesting questions made James to reply to him.
And then the white man started sharing his experiences and the life he was living.
The white man after beating about the bush by asking about his aims and interests, he asked him the direct question,
“Do you love somebody?”
No, James nodded his head quietly with a sense of asperity. He was irritated with the white man’s unwanted interest over him.
The white man then asked, “Have you ever been loved by someone, so dearly?”
“It is none of your business. See I am here to enjoy my travel. If you utter another word then I will move away to travel by standing.”
The white man though got humiliated he didn’t care it much.
Soon the bus’ seats got filled with people. The bus started to move from its destination. Some minutes later only silence prevailed around him, the white man was then busy with his cell phone.
James keenly watched the passing sceneries through the foggy window, his mind was brimmed with the thoughts of the questions the white man asked him, for which he didn’t gave him a reply.
He thought, “Why the white man asked me about love, for they are fuckers who only love their own colour and never knew that love is a common blood to all. Do they really know what love meant?”
“Had he asked me whether I hate anyone, then I would have expressed my abhorrence towards him and towards the community of his white,” he lamented to himself.
Tears ran down his cheeks, when he thought about how the cruel white men killed his father in a racist attack in front of his eyes few years before. His father was his angel; he dedicated his life in order to raise him up. If they hadn’t been fanatic over the mere colours then he would have had his cheerer alive.
He started hating the white men, who were embodiment of fiends in the disguise of beasts (according to him), since from this incidence. Someday he wanted to take revenge on these cruel ill tempered white men, who didn’t know the beautiful meaning of love. He recalled the words he promised over his father’s grave.
The white man again broke the silence. He started to speak over his cell phone. His voice was so loud and the voice of the girl, with whom he was clamouring, was heard outside as well. The girl’s voice over the phone proved to be a little irritating or like a childish one.
He shouted loudly on the phone, “Have you all eaten?”
The girl on the phone replied that they were waiting for him. He asked them to eat and go for their work or take a rest instead of waiting for him.
The white man sounded to be a good hearted man, so James regretted that he shouldn’t have humiliated him.
James was crying for some reason while the white man was busy on his cell phone. Suddenly the white man saw James crying and shook him up to know the reason for which he was crying.
James remained silent. Then the white man, started to talk with him. He said to him,
“Think me like your brother and tell me why you are crying now. I will do my best to make you feel better.”
“I feel better when I cry.” He retorted to him.
“Ah! Come on, though your heart wishes for it, there are many hearts that do not want the same.”
“Whose hearts were those?” James questioned him again.
“May be your parents’, friends’ or your girlfriend’s” The white man said with a smile while saying girlfriend.
“I don’t have any of them.” James sobbing increased.
The white man felt sad for it and he thought he shouldn’t have spoken to him in this way.
The white man then spoke to him about his lovely wife Lina. He told him that he too was once lonely like him, without anyone until he met Lina. He professed how he loves her and how she fell in love with him. He told James that he met Lina seven years before, when he was about to despise the whole world, she came and explained the beautiful meaning of this world and made him to adore her. He at last came to the point that everyone would have some soul to be mingled in order to feel the love they were born to live with. He said all those only in a way to console James and make him to look on with the satisfaction that the things lying ahead were always better.
The white man’s love story relieved a little pang from James’ heart and this induced him to get into conversation with him.
James then got a keen interest on his love story. He then asked him how he had met her and who was the first one to propose and other things like this.
The white man explained to him of all the sweet moments he had spent with her.
The white man’s love story proved to be an extra ordinary one. James then asked him whether the girl he spoke before a few minutes on phone was his Lina.
The white man shook his head to say no, and proudly replied to him that it was their daughter who was only five years old.
Then white man started to explain how they were extraordinarily raising up their daughter, their daughter’s naughty activities and so on.
The white man cunningly asked him about the reason for which he was shedding his tears a few moments before.
James expressed his moans of the white men’s cruelty over his innocent father and how he was greatly missing his father. The white man felt sorry for that incident, and understood why he had been giving his rough shoulders during their earlier conversation.
The white man saw James’ eyes turning red with wrath and emotions while he spoke the unforgettable incident of his life.
James at last said, “You white man are monsters, you only love your own colour and you are fanatic bastards so I hate all of you for this.”
Though white man could not digest this, he remained silent. Then the white smiled and took his cell phone and took out a picture of a black girl and showed that to James.
James asked who that girl was.
The white man kissed her picture and said to him,
“This is my beautiful angel Lina.”
Hearing this, James understood his mistake and how he prejudiced white men. He felt ashamed of himself. He realised that, good people and bad people were present in all the castes, religions and races. He regretted himself of being a fanatic of being against the white men.
The white man then told him that, the worst discrimination was discriminating an entire community of people because one or two people among them were bad.
James fretted about the stupid activity he was involved with. Tears streamed down his cheeks, unnoticed by the white man as he was busy in attending the call that came to him.
Once again his daughter was on the phone.
“He will come soon, Why are disturbing him often?” Her mother chided her on the back ground.
“Hello daddy,” his daughter spoke.
“Honey, daddy will safely come home soon. Give a kiss to Daddy, and cut the phone,” he spoke to her and ended the call. James thought about how miserable it would be if the activity he was involved with goes on. He didn’t want that to happen, he felt happy that it was God’s grace that he had met the white man. For a minute he thought how sorrowful it would be for a daughter to miss her best dad. The bus not only contains white men but also many good dads and moms he recognised. He asked the driver to stop the bus immediately.
James stood away from his seat went to the exit of the bus, and as the bus was about to stop, he jumped outside and ran with a great force towards the fields.
On watching James, the white man was too perplexed on why he was doing like this. Within a few moments James was blown up into pieces by the suicidal bomb he carried inside of his jacket. Everyone on the bus was dumb folded with the huge sound of this sudden shocking incident. The frozen white man for a few seconds could not grasp what were the things going around him. Moments later, he called up his wife and said to her about the things happened shortly. She questioned him and he said he explain it fully in the night.

JEALOUSY
Jinja nana was the only soul Puvan could stretch his hands as someone who would care for him. Since that old man was the one who adopted him and gave him a life after he was delivered by an woman of forty five years in a temple, who they knew nothing about and before they could inquire she lived her last minutes too. Puvan was well cared by this old man, whom people called affectionately as Jinja nana. Jinja nana had his own family and was not an orphan like Puvan. He denied moving away from his house and his beautiful village when his only daughter, Sharmi married and moved to the city. It was because Jinja nana had his own relationship with this village and the bond he shared with those people on village and those bonds people shared with him never gave him enough courage to break those. This ex-military man suffered from Asthma and his daughter was too much worried about this. And so, she had been insisting him for a long time to come with them but he would console her by all means and make her to feel ok and not to have any regrets of leaving him alone in his place while she was living happily with all comforts in some other place.
Since the place she was married to her sweet-heart remained far away from this village, she could not find enough time and chance to visit her father quite often. Thus, her daughter came with her family to visit their Jinja nana only during the festival times. But they never missed to celebrate Diwali with him.
Sharmi phoned him on the next day of her delivery that she had got a handsome boy to end his anticipated agony of missing them all for the sake of his village. The next day Jinja phoned Sharmi again and told about adopting Puvan. She was very happy about it. She was happy for the reason that there would be someone to look after him at his last days, when they wouldn’t be available.
Perhaps, as days went, Puvan understood Sharmi was concerned only about her father and not towards him actually. She remained neutral with him. She didn’t extend her hands to hug him neither pushed him away. Puvan went to school for some days but after he didn’t like it and his nana too didn’t force him much. As years went Puvan somehow understood, this nana was not his own grandpa and there was going to be a greater difference. And as years proceeded, Jinja’s asthma grew intense and he would hug Puvan, well in his sleep and this little boy to loved it and he too enjoyed his sleep by hugging this old man . Puvan had only one wish and aim in his life and that was to meet all other six people who would be identical in appearance to him in this world as the way nana had told.
Sharmi’s handsome boy was named as Alamon and he was born to enjoy all the sophistications of the Hi-fi family of Sharmi. Alamon was of same age as Puvan and when these boys saw each other during the times Sharmi’s family vacationed in nana’s house, they both were in an agony and disdain towards each other. This time, Sharmi’s family came for celebrating Diwali.
Jinja nana, gave Alamon, 500 rupees while he gave Puvan only 200 rupees for buying crackers. They were merely twelve years old and this money was enough to spoil both of them totally, Sharmi scolded her father for being incautious like this. This made Puvan to be hurt and angry on Alamon. Puvan couldn’t bear this injustice offered to him that he fought with nana saying he was cheating him and when Sharmi entered the arguments and so, he threw away the money and went to the terrace to cry alone. Though nana convinced him saying that he had thought to give him much more money once Alamon returned back to his home, Puvan tears took time to dry. When Sharmi came and dragged him back to give him his dinner, he was pleased inside his heart.
For a moment, he thought that he had not been his own grandson and this old man had given him the money, which need not be given and none was going to ask about it. He felt so great of old man and so less on himself. He expected 100 rupees from Nana and he should be super excited when he got another 100 but he remained sad because he felt jealous of Alamon. Of all the weapons owned by man to destroy himself, jealousy is the cruelest of all. He compared what he had got with what others had got. He regretted for being jealous with Alamon. He understood that he was having too much jealousy and comparing what he had got with what others have got, which caused all the troubles. He tried to stop being envious but it was hard to manage, but he kept on trying, which made him to not to become a victim for this poor jealousy. The next day he decided to seek remedy for this. He went up to Alamon, and asked sorry that he was jealous on him. Alamon accepted this innocent boy with open hands and told,
“There is nothing wrong in it. It is natural to be jealous on someone. But never allow that to eat you up totally. Even you are my own brother, there is nothing as yours or mine everything hereafter is going to be ours,” said Alamon and he gave the whole five hundred rupees to him. Alamon after breaking his heart with his act of kindness and getting reciprocated with the same by Puvan, bade him a goodbye. And also he went back to his home making Puvan to wait for his next arrival than nana waited.
Puvan always behaved well with Sharmi but he could never win her heart. Even after all these years, she remained neutral with him as they way she used to, that she didn’t embrace him close or pushed him away. From the next visits of Alamon, these two brothers went to lie on the sand – which had been there in front of nana’s house for a long time waiting for the apt time to be built as a compound wall. They two talked for a long time, they had very pleasant times. Alamon didn’t know to ride a bicycle though he was thirteen years old and it was Puvan who ran behind him in his cycle all the way holding his cycle in one hand. By this way he learnt cycling, the same way he thought him to ride it by standing on the one of the pedals of the cycle. They sat together in the evening times, playing the puzzle games and chess no matter whether who won and who lost.
When these boys were about twenty years old, Puvan and Alamon stuck with each other more than necessary that even Sharmi warned Alamon. Then these boys remained faithful to each other and exhibited friendship and brotherhood the whole village admired and envied as years went. They always understood each other but people said there would arise some circumstances which would easily separate them for life is not always an easy game. But these two brothers had one thing in common that was a good understanding between each other.
People, unable to bear the good things, done by the old man, which they couldn’t do, felt jealous and started to blame that old man in order to make themselves feel better of why they haven’t done those. They blamed that this old man didn’t know how to raise children and he was giving everything to these children without any indifference and Puvan one day is going to loot all their property and going to ran away someday. And Puvan and Alamon are going to fight vigorously someday for their property. People could not bear the fact that while they were going temples and churches praying everyday to make their lives and aftermath lives of their death beautiful but how could this old man would adopt a boy and grew him equally to his own grandson. How could he add so much meaning to his life without going to temples or churches?
One day the old man died of vomiting blood and not by his asthma as Sharmi used to fear. The whole village gathered for his funeral, many said that he died because of heart attack while some said that he died because of some stomach disease.
After another seven years, Puvan and Alamon both got married and settled in their own places. Still the brother hood bond they shared with each other remained the same. As the way Sharmi remained neutral to Puvan, she remained neutral with his children and wife also. That day came. Jinja nana’s name was almost forgotten and was remembered most of the times in Alamon’s family only during the times they wanted to sell the nana’s farm land and solve all the debts in Alamon’s businesses. And as per the tradition of the village, people gathered to split Jinja nana’s property. Puvan and Alamon started to fight. As people had expected, these two brothers finally started to quarrel over their share among these properties. Puvan argued that he wasn’t a legal heir and he didn’t deserve any of the money from nana while Alamon argued that his nana always treated him as his own grandson and he deserved equal share from his property. At last after a long quarrel both came to a conclusion that as the way nana gave Diwali celebration money, they would divide the shares in the ratio of five and three. Perhaps, Puvan didn’t accept anything more than the three room house he had been living since he was born.

GANGSTER’S GAME AND THE VAPORIZING LANE:-

These people deserve to die as much as I do... These bastards drive fast and kill innocent people. Let these bastards die first and then I will follow their suit don’t worry.
You Think Someone Can Take A Gun And Shoot Me Just like That.. Nah.. Nah... By The Time Gun Was In His Hand, A Bullet Will Go In His Brain... See I Have People Around Me To Decide Who Should Die When.. I Have Money More Than Enough To Ask My Death To Meet Me Some other Day...!!

Someone couldn’t take a gun and shoot me just like that. By the time the gun was in his hand, a bullet would pierce his brain. See I have people around me to decide who should die when. I have money more than enough to ask my death to meet me on some other day.

Many think I am innocent they don’t know I am smart...
Many think I am smart, they don’t know I am stupid...
Many think I am stupid they don’t know I am innocent...
Don’t judge me you will be deceived...
Don’t deceive me you will be fooled...
Don’t fool me you will be judged...

Every man before becoming dangerous must been very weak, hopeless and only after this becomes dangerous....
He had that shining silver Italian pistol in his hands. But that pistol didn’t scare me not even a bit but the hands it rested with scared me enough to kill me.
I live inside the eyes of danger and that I see the danger before the danger sees me…
But you see Athma, I am that one card that redefines the game of Your life...

If it wasn’t he none would have caught her easily like this. In the middle of a shopping complex, he caught her. There were many policemen, surrounding that building and she was in a disguise which was hard to figure out. With the secret information from someone inside the gang, police arrived to this place, where this Chinese doll had come to meet another secret spy. He had to be there to meet her at 3 o’ clock exactly as they talked over their cell phones. She had come on time but he hadn’t. Police recognized her, in spite of the utterly confusing disguise she was in . With handcuffs he jumped in front of her, caught hold of her hands and said, "You are under arrest!"
Chaos followed. Police warned everyone to get out of the place immediately, which they followed in seconds.
She waited for a minute. How to threaten someone who was not afraid of being killed, raped, massacred, and not for anything which would hurt them, she was one like that. It was impossible to threaten her because she had crossed all those things. Every assault on her was merely her surprise. Every bullet to her body was merely an adventure. Everything that would kill her was merely a sport to her. To her life was not fearful as she was ready to accept death whenever it wanted to give her a chance.
A minute she allowed him to have the pride of having knocked her in his arms, meanwhile another one came and surrounded her. The man, who had to arrive, arrived inside with his gun hands curling up a young lady. He threatened to shoot her down if the police were not ready to leave, Cyna. Then all of sudden Cyna turned, took her gun and pointed at his head, while another hand efficiently slit the throat of the police, who held her tightly.
She pulled the trigger and said, "You are under this Earth..."
That man watched her and so were all other police men.
The woman, who was caught in his hands, was pregnant too and she seemed to be fainted. The man, who meant to meet Cyna asked, “How we are going to escape now.” Cyna looked on to him, took her gun and put a bullet on his head, and told
“Sorry, you are two minutes late…”
Cyna murmured, “See my outdoor wear” and opened up to show her well-polished body wrapped with suicide bombs.
When the police watched her in amazement and fear,
“Fucked up by failures, sucked up by disappointments, I am living the life of a whore because every day I sleep with failures...” she said and moved out of the way with gun in her hand. In short minutes, a man arrived with a car showcasing the explosives it contained, inside which moved Cyna and the pregnant lady.
This news didn’t shock the city as that was more efficiently done by an interview given by a mafia leader Athma, who was called as Mr. Stone-heart. Athma’s chair was turned towards the other side of the camera and so was the interviewer’s chair. People could know was that there were two men sitting against each other, one asking questions and the other answering it was the gangster, Athma.
First question was,
“How you became a gangster… ”
“You can't go inside a bank. Take a gun and threaten them to surrender the money. You should have the gun first and before that you need the courage. You can't become a gangster overnight. None becomes just like that. You should been having it inside of you all the time. Suddenly one day someone triggers that and it comes out like a bullet to burst them...”
“What incited the gangster in you?” The second question followed.
“I went to school. They said I won’t study well. I got the top grade, they said, I can’t be good in sports. I run the race came with a trophy, they said, I won’t be good in arts. I rocked the party with my dance; they said I would turn up to be a nerd. I got suspended from college they said I would be a coward. I took a gun and said I wanted to be a gangster, and from then I didn’t hear them say anything... as they weren’t there to say anything at all… “
“From when have you been involved in killing people and how it feels to you?”
“For me it’s like a video game… Like the way you kill people in those games I just kill real people... Yeah first I learnt it from movies. Until heroes who were shown as gangsters get full whistle sounds and holding a gun is shown as heroism there will be people like me who are greatly influenced by it and will do the same in our real lives.... No I am not a hero like them. I first killed an old man... And yeah I was very afraid and regretted for that the whole day ... Then I had to kill a nine year kid to tell myself that I am not like others and I am not afraid of killing people... Then I used to count bullets in order to know how many people I have hurt and killed. Many thought I killed for money and few said I killed for fame and there were many other comments but actually I killed people because I wanted to increase the count... but I left it in halfway because it became difficult to count as it became too many... Now I know all the bullets I have thrown away are going to come back, target me and kill me... But it’s not going to be all the bullets which are going to kill me ... I no need to worry about all other bullets but that only one and I have to run away only from this bullet nothing more... And that one bullet would never be able to hit me because I would always be a step ahead of it. You see, I didn’t take the gun; it came to my hands by itself, just like a butterfly finding a fragrant flower to suck the nectar. The day before I took the gun in my hand, I wrote my name in a bullet and kept it for me already. Yeah I am not afraid for death. For me it’s just a reach point when the game ends... “
The interviewer then showed about some details of those cases which were proved to be done by him, the important murders and major smugglings.
The interviewer asked the fourth question…
“And nowadays you are involved only in killing people who drive fast? Why is it so?”
“I loved to kill those people who drive fast because those bastards already wanted to die and I wanted to help them so I killed them before they killed some innocents who didn't want to die ....”
And this video became popular and there was greater reduction in the people who drove too fast and killed innocents as everyone proclaimed the video to be real. Some claimed it as false and one man to prove this drove too fast in a high way only to end up as a body in the river.
Caesar, on the Xmas wanted to go the pub but the police blocked the way saying there was road damage over there and made them to round again and again. At last after the traffic lessened, they paved way. Caesar understood police was handling the same trick thereby giving Cyna’s identity to someone other and reducing the road accidents in this way.
Even some criminals would do good to the people, he understood and didn’t want to break this plan but wanted to kill Cyna and end atrocity.
“I sense the danger before it senses me… I feel right now the place is not safe for me, I know it’s because you are here. Tell me what the trick is going on… Is there any bullet coming for me,” he said and turned back with laughter.
I would warn you, “Don’t have cameras, they record everything you do… They merely tell everything about you and make you less interesting, because what you think as your secrets became our tips… to get into all the sides of you…”
“It was like movies, sometimes when you are a villain you have to kill the hero, before he becomes a villain and kills you… ”saying this he stuck the cyanide syringe in his chest, which was timed with two minutes. If someone could take the syringe, then by the pressure the cyanide would enter the blood. If they didn’t then he was going to die in two minutes. No other go.
“All are fine... I am a cop but I am just like you Mr. Stone heart. You enjoyed killing people, same way I enjoy killing monsters. You always run a step ahead of the bullets aimed at you, but the bullet which is going to kill you is not. Because this one doesn’t chase you as you think it is aimed in your front and as much you run as much you will get closer to it “
“I am not hero I am not villain I am not even a part of this story but you see I am the one who is going to complete this story, the gangster’s game and give an end to it” she told and pulled the trigger of the high intense laser light which in milliseconds vaporized the head of Mr. Stone-heart, the same minute Caesar died too…
Actually, Caesar’s left eye had the high power sensitive focal camera’s which are operated through frequency waves. When he scans the cameras of the room after some minute through a focal length and resonant frequency allocating software all the cameras of the room come into control of someone present over at the other side.
Caesar was a human brain with dog’s heart. Those military dogs were communicated in a language in which both would understand and after their consent, they were moved into selection area.
Who are you? She asked,
“When you took away something I already had, I became a man who got nothing to lose. A man who got nothing to lose is the dangerous fighter in this world, he would not be afraid to do anything. He will be such a pain in the ass”
I was much nervous and frustrated too, but I didn't want this to spoil my venture. I feared I didn't have this within myself but I wanted to do this for sure. As planned before I hid the knife in the table adjacent to the fridge. I also made sure that the knife could be easily reached. I knew she had been always punctual. I had convinced her to come to this room at 7'0 clock. She would come at exact 7'o clock. I saw the time in the digital clock, which was fixed slightly above the table adjacent to the fridge. Time was getting near 6.45 PM.
I told myself, "Don't be afraid of anything. You can do it easily. You have to kill that whore." I felt frightened but thinking of her irritating face incited the murder rage in me and I was normal once again. I went to check whether all the windows have tightly shut or not. Also I recited the plan to myself once again. As per the plan I would ask her to help herself with the fridge, when she goes for it, I would creep behind her and stab her in the spine with the knife hid in the adjacent table. I fathomed the plan was good provided I execute it properly.
“Does she deserve it?” A second thought arousing in my mind helpless invited dilemma into the plight. “Yes she is. She already has slept with many guys and then seduced me to be her new boyfriend. When she understood I was rich she is threatening me to marry her claiming that I am the father of her child growing in her womb.”
Calling bell rang. It was her, I invited her. “What have you decided?” She entered in and asked me. I was profusely perspiring and couldn’t utter a word. She went near the fridge by herself. I moved behind her, slowly took the knife in the table. She bent down to take something from the fridge. I went to stab her. She turned, saw me and shouted. Within a fraction of second, she took the flower vase, which remained above the fridge, and hit hard on my chin. I lost control of myself. I didn’t know what was happening I could feel only the pain and the suffocation. Perhaps, I gathered myself and went to finish my revenge. She was screaming and moved near the table. Once again I gathered to stab her. I put my knife hard on the blurring image of hers. She missed and I fell down on the table and spread myself over it. With a stool she hurt me on my spine and back. I stood up and my face fell over the digital clock. I felt the choking pain and like a stranded fish I struggled over the table. I could recognise that my spine, chin and my face were bleeding hard and I was soon going to die. The digits of the clock and reddish flames of fire were the last image my eyes could visualise. I really forget that she was a hardcore bitch who had ditched and seen many men like me.

YESTERDAY, A TREE… TODAY A BIRD… AND TOMORROW, A SONG…
After shaking the cradle (she made in her old Saree) - for a long time, she believed she could make him to sleep earlier and she too could get some good rest. She sang a lullaby to him and after a while, he was asleep. She left him on the cradle and went on to see her husband. Her husband was sleeping peacefully. She thought he wasn’t sleeping as in the radio, the same song which he heard daily for these continuous three months, had been playing still. She switched it off and went to sleep in her mattress, which remained in a pathetic condition.
She went to a deep slumber and was woken up suddenly when her seven year old son Bansuri came near her and wept. She held him, wiped his tears and asked with trembling frustration,
“What happened, Bansuri Raja, why are you crying? Does anything bit you?”
“I don’t want to grow older. If I grow older, then one day I would also lose my arm like my father. I am afraid one day I would grow older and die soon,”
She didn’t say anything. She just put him on her shoulders and started to carry him street by street. She showed the trees to him and told him a short dragon poem. Perhaps, he continued to say that he couldn’t sleep.
She told him, “I would tell you a story, listening to it, you have to sleep.”
He nodded his head in enthusiasm.
She showed the sky and asked,
“What do you see in the sky?”
“Stars,” he said.
“Do you like these stars and don’t you want to go there someday?”
“I want to go there… My friends told me there we will get everything we wish. Is that true mama?” He asked, still some of the tears in his eyes tickling down his cheeks.
“Over there all our wishes will be granted. We will get everything we want and everything will happen as the way we wished. What do you wish?”
“I wish that our daddy gets his arm back and we all will live happily and I will never become old,”
She went to the end of the street, where Kali temple stood. She sat with him on the verandah of that temple.
She told him,
“You should not worry about all these. You see, you can go to stars only if you grow up. I will say you how our lives are going to be when you grow up,”
She saw in his eyes, an eagerness, which she had not noticed till then.
“See one day the tamarind seeds in our house are going to cost higher and they are going to earn a high profit… Then I will get you everything you wish. You are going to study in a big school and you are going to rule the school. Everyone around you will ask, ‘Arey! What’s the name of that boy, he rules the school as if he is the Raja’… Do you want me to continue the story or do you want to go back to sleep?” she asked,
“Mama, the story is good… Continue this story. I will surely sleep after this story ends” he told her.
“Kanna, you are going to study well, earn good name for me and your father. Your father will get well soon and once again he will start going to work. And he will get you your favorite chikkis and toys on every Saturday as before. We are going to live happily forever. Meanwhile, you will finish studying, buy one big car and one day we all will reach the stars,” she said to him.
“If I buy the car, only you will sit near me, daddy has to sit on the back seat only” he told her with assurance.
“Now, shall we go to our home and sleep? “She asked him.
“Mama, I am feeling hungry… Will I get something to eat?” he asked her.
She was dumb folded on this minute. She had seen many tragedies in life and had fought with all those with her invincible hope but now she really didn’t know how she was going to manage this. She knew for all this time why Bansuri hadn’t slept, it was because he hadn’t got anything to eat since this afternoon.
“Now it’s too late, kanna… All the shops are closed, and we don’t have money too. We don’t have anything in our home, except those tamarind seeds… You just sleep today. Tomorrow mama would get you something to eat…” she told in a feeble crying voice.
“I am hungry. Mama I want yellow cake. Will you buy that to me tomorrow at least?”
“I will surely buy that to you… Now shall we play a game if you can’t get the sleep,” she told and felt convenient that she had managed his hunger but worried in her mind of how she was going to answer him the next day. Moreover, it was the last due date for Kamala’s interest money to be settled. She had already given excuses for three times and the next day Kamala was surely going to take and threw away the things as she had warned. She worried but her son didn’t give her enough time for this….
“Mama, teach me a new game,”
She loved the beautiful voice of her son, as the way her husband loved. Her husband loved music and he always siad that Indian flute had the ability to stir his soul like anything. Owing to his addiction, the sweet name Bansuri (meaning flute) came to their son.
She took him to their house and took some of the tamarind seeds in the canny bags, which she collected from various people and sold for a meager profit. She did this on every tamarind season, where she could not find any other job. The money she got from looking after an old lady, was all enough for settling the interests for the debts, she had got for her husband’s medication. And only these tamarind seeds earned the daily bread for her family for these three months.
She took Bansuri back to the temple verandah and there they played a game by arranging the tamarind seeds – which were split up in to two. Bansuri grew adamant that she had to teach him a new game. He was very keen on learning new games and sometimes, he told her that he had himself discovered a new game and troubled her to play that game with him. She tried her best in remembering a new game to be played with Bansuri, but she had already played with him all the games she had remembered from her childhood. She scattered those split seeds across the floor, under the new Moon light, and pretended to teach him a new game for some time. Perhaps, she didn’t want to disappoint him. So, she managed to assure him that she would teach him a new game the next day and she was successful in making him sleep finally.
It wasn’t easy for anyone to manage a husband who was willing to die and a child who was hungry and the debtors who were going to come to her home next day and threw away the things in her house. Yet she had got the faith. She would still remain optimistic and help her loved ones to take heart again oblivious of bitter things happening. When her husband, Mani met with an accident and lost his auto fully, only she stood there with him as a support and convinced him to be courageous. As a result he recovered from his health soon, though not from his debts but even after he went to drive the rented auto and earned enough. Things were going fine and they had almost settled all their debts and they had been on their happy track of life once again. Nevertheless, fate chose to give a new twist in their stories and that he had lost his right arm in an accident, which followed soon.
Mani was a much devoted person. He had this strange disease that his hair grew sooner than all others. His body had dense hairs and he shaved his face once in a week, else a long beard would be seen in his face, unlike others. When he met a doctor, he told him that this was caused to due to hormonal disorder. Mani didn’t mind about it, as he didn’t wish to waste money and time, over this issue which was not very important. He enjoyed his simple life more. While driving his auto he would either count the number of speed breakers he met on his way or rehearse devoted songsin his mind. One day unfortunately, he fell down his auto when a van hit him sideward and moved in a jet speed. And his right arm was crushed by a two wheeler and he laid there unconscious. His wife, when counted the money they had saved and was thinking to join Bansuri in the convent school, received the fatal news and rushed to the Government hospital. Three months had passed but still he was adamant that he didn’t want to live as a trouble for her. To look after him, especially with the hair growing excessively on his body was really pathetic he often lamented about his plight and one day he begged her to poison him. Since then she was watching him consciously and throughout all the hard times, she didn’t want to sell the radio, in which he heard a hopeful song, again and again, which started with the lines,
“Things will change tomorrow. Stories will change tomorrow… Tomorrow is going to be all yours…”
She laid down Bansuri on his cradle. She went and saw her husband once again. He was sleeping. His half-torn blanket was away from his body and mosquitoes were preying on him. She went and took the blanket and covered his body. He woke up by the disturbance and told,
“I am remaining as a trouble to you… I wish I wasn’t. I wish God doesn’t give so many disasters. Life is full of melancholy,” then he started to cry just like Bansuri, who cried a few minutes before. Now it was her turn to convince her husband. She sat on his cot and told,
“Did you forget what I used to tell you all the time? Yesterday is a tree… Today is a bird sitting on it and tomorrow is the song the bird is going to sing. They all are different from each other though they are related. We can’t predict how tomorrow is going to be based on today as the way we could not predict what the bird is going to sing… The song maybe a melancholy or maybe a melody who knows…”
She convinced him that nothing could be done by worrying about the past and soon they would figure out how things would work out well in the future. She gave her pleasant words and convinced him not to decide his life was going to be worse, just because it remained as such that day.
She knew how much hope is needed for a person, how great words could do… When she was a child, when she went to school with her sisters, they asked her everyday whether she was going to die soon out of their innocence. And so were some of the students in her class, who pitied her by telling her the same thing. Only her mother’s words saved her when she was a child. When she cried the same to her mother, she used to give hopeful words of how someday she was going to live somewhere and be someone and do something. Her mother used to warn her,
“You tell yourself of how, where and who before others would decide it. You tell people, ‘don’t worry, I am going to fight against it’ before they could say,’ I am afraid, it’s going to affect you…’“
Her mother’s hopeful words always helped her. She didn’t die as a victim to that disease, rather she took all the medications and fought with it bravely and sustained a life out of it. It was then she got to believe that her mother’s hopeful words were true enough and they really had a magic. As she had aspired, she didn’t become a doctor with her fair skin leprosy. Nonetheless, she knew how things were and how much happy her mother was when she married one of the best men in the village.
So, for Bansuri and her husband, just like her mother, she too told of her hopeful stories. Whenever she looked into Bansuri’s eyes, she knew like her, he too was dreaming of something he wanted to do, someplace he wanted to live and someone he wanted to become. After convincing her husband and making him to sleep, she went to lie on the mattress. Time would have been around twelve o clock and she knew Bansuri was going to ask, yellow cakes as soon as he would wake, and Kamala was going to come to her house asking for the debts. Moreover, she got nothing in her house to feed all of them and her husband’s medicines too got over. Perhaps, she hoped that the next day’s song was going to be a melody…. Nevertheless, the next day was not a melody as she thought. At the same time, it wasn’t melancholic enough to be remembered on the day she went with her son to receive Bansuri’s National Chess championship trophy after twenty years.

Soul healer…

Life is more than a story... It started like infinity and going to end up as a mystery... Somewhere in between we know it’s meaningful anyway even when we couldn't understand even a word of it... We realise at one point that we live not just because we were born but we have some other reasons too associated with the untold meaning of our lives.... We realise slowly after giving enough chances for the sadness thinking this too was a part of our lives until we understand that Our life is not a merely story ... And It doesn't necessary to be tragic to be good...
We are here for one another... We all need one another's hug... make someone happy and find your happiness in it… we all are hurt and we all would feel that we would feel better if someone hugs and tells it’s going to be okay… if it so then why can we give a hug to each other and make them feel better.. why can’t we
We all want to impress people and we all want to be loved…
And that’s the reason we do so much to look pretty and that’s the reason wear good clothes but the fact is that we often forget most of the times it could easily be done just with a smile…

Living your life purposefully sad is equal to wasting it by committing suicide... Don't let anything to make you sad which will make others also sad by this... Remind yourself of how much awesome life you have got... Be a shower of happiness despite your real story inside... Seeing you let people know life is worthy only if it is lived as the way you live...

“Alicia, you are now aged thirteen. And as I have said for all these years, you can now step in to the outside world but before that Llet me tell about some of things, I ever wanted to tell you. Let’s go outside of this hut…”
“I am too excited to know about the outside world. I will take my water bottle. Also I am feeling hungry shall we go after we eat… ” she told him and in that beautiful spring morning. He wore the new dress on her the new dress, which he had brought for her birthday, and he started crying. Alicia understood he was hurt and she tried to console him.
Sharom told, “I am sorry Alicia, I have hidden many things from you because I was afraid some or few of the things might really hurt you and you would be feeling totally damaged. I don’t know whether to regret or feel happy about this,”
“Now you are aged thirteen. I believe by now you have got confidence in you. I also believe that I had made your world as beautiful as I could. Perhaps, now it’s all in your hands to forgive me or hurt me for one of the major things I had done by myself without your decision. My girl I have told many lies to you. One of those is that the world doesn’t end only with me and you. This world contains many people; people - who are better than us in some ways and worse than us in some ways. There is so much beauty and disaster in this world. I didn’t allow you to enter in this world not because I didn’t want you to enjoy the beauty of the world but because I was afraid that the disasters in this world, would not allow you to see the beauty and you might be so hurt with the melancholies thereby you will never lend ears to the melody. I am sorry girlie, let me tell why I did so” he told this after taking his twelve year old daughter outside of the hut for the first time in her life.
Twelve years before, whenever he saw people fighting with each other on the roads, and whenever he saw some speaking worse at their backs, he felt why these people couldn’t be loveable and love others too. His heart was very sensitive and loveable, which made it very weak. Many times, he wondered why he couldn’t live a normal life like others. He wished happiness in life was at least one degree higher than the sadness in it. When he told the same philosophy to his friends they said,
“Do you know why rainbow is special than a sky? Because rainbow is short and not often met…”
Hearing this he told them back that if he were God, he would make the sky a rainbow and a rainbow, the sky so that there would be life in happiness and not happiness in life. This was Sharom. His life was a broken piece, and he lived his life against the agony of the creator. He had to cover his face with a net in order to avoid bees sticking to his face. He never understood the reason why flies found his face to be so much addictive. And it was on the times of the earlier nineteenth century and there was no surgery such as plastic and cosmetic. When he consulted the doctor, they told him that this was because of his genes. The truth was anyway the doctors too were clueless just like him. Perhaps, as none behaved to him as if this was a defect. Especially his friends treated him with affection for his good heart though new people found him strange and often inquired about his plight even when he wasn’t interested to talk about it.
He moved on in his life just like a leaf moving on in a stream without caring where it was going to end. Actually this didn’t hurt him much, what it hurt him really was that his mother never tried to understand what he was going through inside. She didn’t care about him a lot. And even he was not able to understand herself fully, she showed different colours to him at different times and he wasn’t able to know what her real colour was. Whenever she scolded him, he would think about the day she wouldn’t be available. Only this made him to bear everything knowing that one day he would cry thinking about the days he fought back with his mother, if he fought back. So he wouldn’t demand anything or claim the justices in his side, he would just let it go.
Moreover, he didn't like his job at all. The only part he loved about his job was the times he would go to a lotus pond to collect lotuses. He was a flower decorator. He went to decorate flowers only to the marriages and other pleasurable functions. He didn’t go for funerals as seeing those confused his conscience a lot.
He had something as his soul healer too. It was the cactus he grew. Whenever his heart was in a depressed stage, mostly because of the words of his mom- who often scolded him to be a sloth and useless - he came to this cactus and lamented of what he was going through inside. Perhaps, he never hated his mom. He just wished she could change the way she looked on to the things. When he tried to tell her that speaking lovely words and loving each other was more important than keeping their house clean or earning a lot of money, she remained adamant on her own views. These like things he hated in her. His mother too loved him and wanted him to live a better life but she didn’t know the right way of showing it and she was habituated to live like this. He demanded a happy family and a happy life while she demanded a wealthy family and a comfortable life. She struggled a lot to get him married.
Sharom always wished that he would meet someone in some part of his life, who would end all his loneliness and sadness and take him in their arms and would never allow him to be hurt. After going through all this pain, he was happy that at last he had transformed into such a man who could shed a thousand of tears for love. He knew the meaning of true love and though he was not beautiful, he indeed created beauty to this Earth, because he was loveable. He hated the feeling of being hurt and feeling restless and sleepless in the night and being angry with someone and something which he didn’t know. He prayed to God that he should find someone better or someone other finds him and takes him in their arms and would tell it’s nothing wrong to be failed in life, it’s all okay, and everything from now on was going to be miraculous. With this hope he lived his life decorating flowers so beautifully in every marriage and going to a distant place and seeing the marriage over there.
Every day he made excuses and made his time to sit near the lotus pond and think about his future life and hope for best things to happen in his life too. With these hopeful days, his marriage day too came. Decorating the flowers for his own marriage, with the yellow flower of his Cactus in the middle, he was so happy to marry Alicia, who was blind by birth. Perhaps, in the marriage stage itself, heart-break waited for him when he learned that Alicia wasn’t interested in this marriage at all. She treated him with hatred and didn't like him at all in aftermath their marriage.
He wanted to know what his wife was going through and he wanted to be her soul healer as the way he expected her to be his. He often wanted to have contentment by explaining about her of what people felt about him. He told her of how many sees him disgusting and ugly but these which she would never understand, as for her both ugly and beautiful were one and the same mystery. Every time when he expressed of how much hurt he was, he expected her to console him saying it would be fine. He wished she could heal his wounds. Perhaps, how could she be his soul-healer when she herself was deeply hurt with wounds? So she didn’t. Understanding this, he tried to remain as her soul-healer.
Sometimes when he closed his eyes, he understood how hard it would be hard for her wife. And he wondered how she could see things in his dream anyway. He then understood that vision wasn’t in eyes as everyone think, it was actually in the brain. He wished that though his wife was not born blind, he would make her to see things though not through her eyes but through mind. He wished to know how her dreams would be. And what it really feels to be. Sometimes, he felt that her dreams would be something like a voice and she wouldn’t be able to see someone in her dreams. Though she wasn’t interested to speak with him, he often asked to her about the dreams she had. Sometimes, his interesting topic made her to be hooked in his conversation, against her own wish. He often tried to explain what dreams really mean.
He said,
“Dreams are imagining something you see when asleep, things which possibly couldn’t happen in real life”
“I imagine all the things all the time and I don’t need to sleep in order to dream about it.”
One day a groom appreciated the way he had decorated the flowers. That day he realized it takes time for us to realise the worth of the things we have got easy but one day we would realize it surely. We don’t see happiness because we always focus on sadness. We don’t see beautiful things because we are leaned towards disastrous things. He used to see people with so much of beauty and convenience in their lives wasting their lives. He cursed them for he knew that people never knew the worth of the beautiful things they had got. Perhaps, they couldn’t be blamed for this when the mistake actually belonged to the creators. Since then he felt that same like this his wife would also understand him someday. Hoping that his wife would realise it one day he went to his house to know that she had committed suicide... He knew well that her life was totally a disaster and she wasn’t able to face it. When his mom told that she committed suicide after she understood that his mother came to know about the affair of her with the neighbor. He refused to believe it saying that he wouldn’t believe things he didn’t see and he was very angry towards his mother whenever she said to him about this. Perhaps, one day the neighbor himself confessed it yet he wasn’t angry with her, when he put himself on her shoes, he didn’t feel anything wrong done by her. She was totally angry at someone, at everyone and didn’t know to whom she could show it. Although she showed it to everyone through her arrogance, her immature heart, didn’t take it all the fact that she was deceived by God, and like that one day she showed all her angry towards herself and God and left the world. She left the world by herself to tell God that there were flaws in the way he created this world. She left the world to embarrass him that he sucks, as this place created by him was not apt for her to live.
Later of the day he buried her, he came to his Cactus plant, cried and asked it to console him. The Cactus plant remained silent and he kept on asking it to talk for hours. Totally disappointed with it he finally broke that plant and fully destroyed it. The next day he regretted for it. His mother remained the same. He wondered how things didn’t hurt her much, then he realized she was not much sensitive in her heart and she wasn’t much loveable too. Walking alone in the streets with his net still covering the face, he wished there was much beauty in the world than these many disasters.
From then on in every other marriage function he would closely watch whether groom and bride are interested for each other not… He had watched those beautiful pair married in front of him, fighting with each other in roads and shedding the tears later. And once he saw a man marrying a crazy woman and as far as he knew it was the most beautiful marriage he had seen till now.
He too hated his life, and he too was angry but more than all, he wanted to show something to the world. He sometimes, seeing every other he felt there was nothing wrong in being born like this and there was going to some reason behind this. He also knew that he shouldn’t hurt the ones loving him. He might be broken and because of this he shouldn’t hurt the hands which were picking him up. He yearned to love someone. And this yearning was crueler than yearning to be loved by someone. All he had was his mother to love, he loved and cared for her enough, yet he wanted someone other who would be like a partner to share his life.
I was walking on the streets my heart was paining too much. I saw an old man complaining about the too much Sun. I wondered why there is sadness in everyone's life. I felt something wrong aout life, the nature and the force that driving things together. I hated life and I felt there was a lot of meaning was present in death than in life. Soon it rained. It was more than spectacular. That moment, you can define anything. I saw a little dog just a week of age enjoying the rain. I thought about my young childhood days, like him, I too enjoyed life but now I didn't know what I was doing I was living my life wrongly. I knew the right way of living in the beginning naturally during the days I was born but when I grew people taught me different things for living a good life and confused me totally. They countered sadness in their life and told me that even I have to battle with everyday and it’s called life ... I foolishly believed and applied the same in my life... I realized humans are living their lives wrongly. Even when a little thing goes wrong, slightly changes it track, they apply their misconception that they have to remain sad for this. It was only then I realized we are remaining sad without reasons and we are reflecting sadness to others as well. And when I realised it that was the last day Iu cried because then I realised nothing is gonna happen when you remain hurt instead if you try to be better you will feel better really. ..andAnd when your soul hurts it means it has to be healed and not cried...
None is going to listen to your worries fully; even god doesn’t if he has…None would live sadly.. if you are sad, you are living life wrongly.. you are reflecting it wrongly.. try being happy for it.. you may be called heartless but if you could frame new rules for mankind it will be very useful…
“They well knew that their lives had been under their control. It was their mistake if it remains in that way they didn’t want. People can be loveable. We all have pain and we all have defect. When you are hurt distract yourself. When your memories taste sad, switch on quickly to the better and good ones, I know it for sure you would be having a bundle. I used to wonder why can’t people smile at a stranger and make their day better. Why can’t they remain trustworthy appreciate people and get returned by the good things they have shown. Then I questioned am I like this? Still then I am trying to be a loveable one just like my father. Many people won’t understand you they just want to show how great they are. Don’t waste your time in making them to realize because our seconds we are important and our lives too are. With life we can do magic we just have to believe it and try it. If I am handsome I have to enjoy it if I am ugly in the same way I have to enjoy it too. Parallel things can’t happen in life I don’t pity those who are born like me but those who don’t get good people especially a good parent around them just like me. You all supported me too much and I will there for you every time you wish I was there. If they live their life well with a purpose, principle and a meaning, I know even God would be impressed. Even he will become your slave asking you to teach him how to make this world a better place.”
He was himself hurt with deepest wounds, yet he could not see someone other hurt. Even with his deepest wounds, he wanted to be a soul healer for anyone. He found his purpose and the contentment of his life in that way. He became loveable enough that he was able to forget and forgive anyone who hurt him. He loved them still even after bearing the hurt offered by them. He became so loveable that no one was able to hurt him really, because even when they hurt him, he considered it as another act of kindness.
After saying these stories to her, he finally said,
“Just like my wife Alicia you are also born blind…” She remained speechless and waited for him to explain the difference between being blind and not being blind.
Days passed and his mother died one day. As he expected he showed him of how much she loved him in her death bed by hugging him tightly and wishing him that he was not a sin as he thought but a miracle. A day after this, he went to an orphanage and adopted Alicia, who was born blind. He started to nurture in an isolated place away from the outside world. He was afraid that she would also hate her life like his wife if she knew what she lacks from other people. So he started to look after her and nurture her as if not only she but everyone other in this world was born like this. He told her lies that, she would be allowed to see the people of outside world only after she attained the age of thirteen. He tried her best in growing her up without letting anything to hurt her, the same many other things to please her. He knew that she would be comfortable in nights, and for that he didn’t allow her in the Sun. He first wanted her to teach confidence to her and to take life easily with her defected and after which only he wanted to disclose the defect she was born with.
Alicia sat there with him in the lotus pond as speechless. Sharom went there, hugged her and kissed her. He told with tears,
“I am sorry Alicia… Here after all the doors to this world are open. Go in the one which you like, take pleasure … Leave those which you don’t like… I will be there for you. Our lives are once and we don’t know whether heaven is there for us after our death. So we can live happily as much as we can here, enjoy and do anything. If there is hell for these then don’t worry it’s going to be after our death only… ”
Alicia hugged him back and shed the tear for the first time in her life…

MELODIOUS HEARTS…
Bintu always didn’t understand one thing. He had learnt to read, write and memorise the answers, but why people wanted him to do the same thing again and again in all the grades of his school, the same way we eat and shit daily. If people could easily see and write the answers available in books then why they waste time to memorize them and write the same thing on the papers once again. What’s the big deal about it, he didn’t always understand. This maybe the reason why he hated studying, which he showcased through his grades that always ranged in the descending order of alphabets. Whenever, he felt he could not sit inside his hostel and go on studying, he would come out of his school to have those tasty Samosas of Babul. Babul’s samosas often made him to be restless inside his hostel, that he couldn’t control thinking about the smell and taste of it.
Babul’s shop was famous for the warmest and awesomely tasting samosas and jhalebhis. Babul Jo, the forty year old Muslim, was a good friend to him, and Bintu often asked him how his samosas could taste this good. He would answer him with a proud smile, pouring him the green pudhina chatni in excess.
Bintu was from Karnataka, his culture and way of being with people varied widely with the people of this Rajasthani area. He waited for Sundays to come for that was the only day he enjoyed his life in that hostel. He would take a book and pretend to be studying until his study hour got over, then after he would secretly take the money given by his parents and come here to eat the Babul’s samosas for which he had to bribe the watchman too with one or two samosas sometimes.
Bintu one day forgot to take the money away from his pocket when he put his clothes to laundry. He was so worried when he found the notes back in his same pocket, in an awful condition. He ate the samosas in firsthand as he couldn’t stop from doing it. But then he felt hard to give those torn out notes to Babul. And that day to his disappointment a little boy was there instead of Babul and he made those samosas wonderful than Babul and Bintu felt that it would be shameful for him to give this awful rupee note. Perhaps, as he got no other way, after eating seven samosas he gave that ten rupees to this little boy. This little boy accepted it though the note was in a bad condition.
“If it doesn’t get ratified, I will be coming here to the same place next week too,” Bintu told.
That boy answered it was okay and gave him a big smile.
He was just five years elder to him. Their relationship grew from then.
Three Sundays passed like this and Bintu’s acquaintance with the boy Riyaz grew every time. Bintu could not understand Riyaz’s language, the same way Riyaz couldn’t understand either of Kannada or English- which Bintu spoke. But still the melodies of their hearts synched and they knew what each other was trying to convey.
That day Bintu took his friend Thulasi to share samosas with him as he had promised in exchange of his tomato sandwich given to him by his parents the previous day. Thulasi after eating samosas said, ‘Thank you’ to Riyaz, when Riyaz came to take the plate from his hands. Riyaz told, ‘Welcome’ in an amputated tone with a big smile. Bintu came to knew about the curiosity of Riyaz to learn and know about things. When their friendship grew of exchanging free samosas with his old dresses, Bintu sometimes spent the whole Sunday in his shop itself.
Riyaz always looked up on superiorly of those people who spoke English. And one day Bintu told him that English was merely a language and nothing more…
“See the people over there speak English just like that as the way you speak your language. There even an illiterate or any man would speak English better than many other intellectuals in India. Just like that I would teach English.” He told him and he started teaching him the English
Riyaz felt too much grateful for him and every week he waited for the Sundays. He started teaching him from the basic, from alphabets and well enthusiastic Riyaz showed much passion and interest which incited Bintu to spend much time in teaching him. At times, Bintu taught him for whole of half a day. When Bintu’s parents spoke to him in phone, he asked them to bring his older grade books with them when they come to meet him the next time. Bintu offered those books to Riyaz. Babul was too much moved with the boy who was teaching his poor son. Riyaz learnt the alphabets at the age of eleven. Sometimes, he worried he missed all these days, but felt happy that at least by now he got a chance. Every morning to noon after helping his father in preparing those samosas, Riyaz studied and practiced for the whole day. Two years passed like this. Since the day Bintu started teaching his son, Babul refused to accept money from him for the samosas he ate. Babul started to treat him as his own son that he sometimes gave samosas to the watchman and asked him to pass it on to Bintu during the working days.
As per the request of Babul, Bintu asked permission from their parents and he stayed in Babul’s house itself to celebrate Ramzan with them. By the time went, Riyaz excelled in reading and writing in English though he struggled in speaking. And Bintu had learnt to make excellent samosas like Babul and Riyaz. Bintu as expected got flunked in his twelfth standard and the school disgraced him and made his parents to shift him a school of their native place. Babul told Bintu on the next day that Riyaz cried for his departure in the night. Bintu assured them that he would surely meet them at least once in a month and exchanged good-byes and address for communicated in letters with them.
Babul told Riyaz that he missed Bintu in every Sunday that followed then after. Less than a week’s time after Babar Masjid was shattered. Babul had to shift his home to Hyderabad. Lacking the interest in his studies, Bintu then took up catering course due the fondness he had for food. While Riyaz fought with his father and went to work in another hotel. That hotel remained in south India and was ran by a very polite guy. In the hotel he had enough of good friends, Lavan and Lakshay were twin brothers who worked with him. Lakshay was a child prodigy though he didn’t get a good chance to be educated. These two boys went to their homes in alternate weeks but Lavan most of the times cheated Lakshay and went to home in his turn also convincing him that their mother wanted to see him much than Lakshay.
On the days, when his brother cheated him and went to home leaving him alone with Riyaz, Riyaz taught him to read and write. More than he expected Lakshay easily learned reading and writing. As years followed, their paths diverged and Lakshay went as a guide in Delhi, where he learnt to speak many of the languages fluently. His learning appetite never ended.
Twenty years later Bintu become a chief chef in one of the five star hotels. His life was peaceful as he married his uncle’s daughter Santhya, whom he didn’t like much. Santhya on other hand didn’t like him at all as the way her father didn’t like him. Perhaps, Bintu’s mother liked Santhya and Santhya’s mother liked Bintu’s family, though not him actually. Nevertheless, at last after their marriage, Santhya and Bintu started to love each other and then after they didn’t mind who liked whom. That day on his star hotel a prominent yo0ung writer came to give a guest speech to media about the dreams and goals of youths. As it seemed to be interesting Bintu went to watch this. That writer told that there was a hostel boy who taught him to read and write and he owes this to him. Bintu clapped his hands without knowing, he was talking only about him as he was the one solely responsible for Lakshay to become a prominent writer in future.

RIVERSIDE MEMORIES…

Those people who are angry are hurt deep inside and when they know love hurts they just want protect themselves....
After all the rough paths I travelled in my life ended nowhere, I decided to hold on to the music echoing somewhere and end in a safer zone. I took up a violin in my hands and went in search of peace after all those I had within myself had flew somewhere. I was getting away from the chains of regrets which roped me like an anaconda. I didn’t want to pray, I didn’t want any answers from anyone and I didn’t want to be dumped over somewhere just because I was stuck with my hurting memories of a girl, who entered my life as a rain and went away like a storm. That girl used to say everyone deserved to be happier. Our homes were nearer to this river. We used to sit near the river side and share our stories and struggles together. The river passing across witnessed our love more than anyone other had. And one day, sitting near the river, she told she was not happy with me anymore and wanted to leave me to find her happiness. When I asked why she had to leave me if I also deserve my happiness, she said she deserved her happiness more than I deserved mine. In that way she opened the closed door through which she came in and went out without telling how would I hold on, hope again and wait for her to knock my open door once again. Then one day she came back and tried to explain me why it didn’t work in between both of us and I understood why she was trying to explain this when I saw an invitation in her hands.
When there was a blossoming spring everywhere and when my garden rose, which I grew for her bore a red rose, she was there in the church as a lovely bride soon goinggetting to beready to blossoming as a beautiful wife to someone other. That day’s unusual cloudy rain made me feel that my life was about to fade and the seasons of love were always unfair. Perhaps, I wanted to see her happiness. I wanted to know what made her happier in making me to suffer and exchange rings with someone other. I know it had been always my mistake. I should have taken care when she said her dreams mattered to her more than anything other. I should have assured her that I would be a support to her in her dreams of becoming a heroine. I tried my best but couldn’t get a rope to hold on my dreams, all I had was an indomitable hope and that wasn’t helpful tokeep her trust in my hands. When she lacked in hers hope, I supported her but only through my words. Rather I should have done something to keep both of ours alive and thereby able to retain the tenderness in our relationship. The depression in our bond began when I said her that she was too beautiful to be mine and she didn’t say a word. Our relationship ended when one day, when there was summer everywhere and I was in my home repairing both of our cycles and waiting for her to have a long ride together. She came splendid in a car driven by a more handsome man. She came near me and told that she had an important thing to talk with me. I knew what she was going to say and heard everything from her without showing a sense of sadness in my face. At last, I gave her a beautiful goodbye and took my cycle and had the longest ride of my life to end up in lonely nights followed after that day. Those autumn days were unforgettable in my life. It was because in order to forget the girl of my heart, I tried to immerse myself on the beauty of the nature. Thanks to the mountain side I got to live. The place I lived always dwelled with beautiful flowers in the spring time. During those rainy days, the place I lived looked like a green girl who was seduced by the melodies of the cunning rain. It was like one such day I met her in a library. We first exchanged our looks and then our books. When a week passed, we were impressed with each other more than the impressions of our hands casted on the pages of the book.
And this is my love story. Now without her, I just go to the riverside and think about her for some time, then I would cry and feel sad to the extent I could and after some time I would get up and come back assuring myself that I was not going to worry for her until I come back to the river the next day. I forced myself to do like this every day because only this way I could avoid thinking about her all the day. Six months had passed, since the day I had joined in this violin class. Whenever I looked on to this girl, who was playing the violin next to me, I often felt a strange mystery. What to say about her. She was not loveable like my girl, but there was something in her which overwhelmed me. That sadness in her eyes baffled me every time. I was wondering what’s bothering this beautiful girl. I felt this melancholic role she had put up with was totally spoiling her. I was very affected with it. It was a tragic face I had ever seen. I decided to go up to her and ask what’s the matter with her, what’s was her story and why it was certainly necessary for her to remain sorrowful all the time. I wanted to tell her that people make choices and their choices often go abrupt and there was nothing to worry when our wishes go wrong. Day by day, the sadness increased more. I guessed this girl must be having an autumn love story within her, same like me and that’s what making her to wither outside petal by petal. If that’s the case, I wanted to tell her that people fall in love and fail in love and there was nothing wrong to worry about it. I just wanted to meet her and tell her that if she had some sadness then let her cry it out the same instant for it was unbearable for me to watch her innocent eyes bearing this heavy melodrama. Melancholy was good for a violin she was playing but not to her melodiously pleasing eyes. These unsuitable melancholic eyes shattered the whole equilibrium and disturbed the harmony of our place and because of this I could not concentrate in music when a story was playing in her eyes.
The next day, she came with a clean white dress. Her hair appeared to be much tidier than the previous days. Her lips appeared to be parting a little more. Her face appeared to be a little fleshier and even bright too. Perhaps, her kohl decorated eyes still remained the same. It bothered me once again, it told me about some sad story which was filled with depressions. Let me hear it now, I wished the perfect time was now and went near her and asked,
“What’s that thing bothering you?”
She told, “Things do not bother a woman like me, would you please stop prejudicing people and mind your own business,”
I left the place with a shrug. The next two weeks I watched her during the times, she was busy in her work and seemed to be carried away. Then after I didn’t look into her eyes, first reason was that I was afraid to earn a bad name for myself. The second was that she didn’t give me a chance.
“Don’t look myself and judge me just like that. When you look at me in order to look out something from me, let me tell you are never going to get that. You may see me in different ways, look closely and sometimes you could feel that you have found that thing which you are searching in me. Perhaps, the truth is, it still going to be a different thing. Because when I know you are looking at me in order to find something from me, I always show every other thing except from the one you are looking in from me.” She wrote in a paper and kept in front of the notes. I understood this girl wanted me to hear her stories. I realized she shrugged me away because she was afraid that I was getting into her, when she felt she had no one to care about her really. Those people who wereare angry arewere hurt deep inside and when they know love hurts, they just wanted to protected themselves against the love which might hurt them once again. The next day I wrote a melodious note and placed in her notes telling her that she ought to play these tunes.
She came near me after playing that note,
“You asked me what bothers me, right? I tell you it’s that people not bothering about me…”
She told of how she was once a famous heroine but then got her face operated after a skewing accident and ended up with an unfixable broken heart.
She asked, “Have you ever been in love?” She asked me whether I was ever been in love before, I told her I would tell my story and someday and asked for hers.
“Yeah I have… have you been…”
“I have my own love stories… Thanks for caring about me,” she told me.
“You no need thank me I didn’t do it out of some obligation. It’s my own compulsive force. ”
As days went, I told her that each of my thousand broken pieces of heart has a thousand reasons to be sad and I can’t be happy really. She asked me to lie on her lap. She told me to cry and let it go. But as she thought letting go wasn’t an easy thing. I had to let go the past beautiful hopes I had for my girl. I had to let go of my awesome feelings and colorful dreams. I had to let go and make me to believe that those thoughts I had on previous days that my life would be more beautiful were just lies I told to myself. To let go, I had to kill my existing self and give birth to someone new and fake. And I didn’t wish to do it because I wasn’t capable of doing it. Perhaps, she tried to build my broken pieces again. She searched for a place to stay in my heart but how could she find, when it’s all shattered and I don’t have enough space for myself even. She wanted to be loved by me but how could I when I am myself broken to the extreme. But with her caring words and her unconditional love, I found my life was becoming normal and my heart was becoming loveable once again. It was then I learnt this girl had replaced my broken heart with her own heart. She took my broken heart and yearned wouldn’t anyone other do the same thing she had done to me. It was then after I decided to love her with all my heart, because after all the heart I have now belonged to her indeed and at least she deserved this love from me. Now looking back I feel happy that I was once got broken too much because without it I wouldn’t have got those caring hands which rebuilt me. Sometimes it’s okay to be hurt because some blessed souls would come on way to open up the hidden beauty of this world and show to us why we shouldn’t remain hurt.
“Can we both marry?” I asked her the same next day.
“We knew each other just now but it’s all enough for me to marry you. You are a girl worthy enough to live without even knowing a single phrase about you. But is this one conversation enough for you to trust me and give your life in my hands?” I asked her the same moment.
“I thought about my first love for days to months and accepted to be with him but what happened. I know you are going to be the loveliest father of my two years old son after three years from now and its nothing wrong in trusting you now.”
Then I took her the river side which meant so much to me. I told her how important the memories associated with it were. And we made a small hut over the side and got married as we wished. It was the third anniversary of our love and marriage life. She and I had been best to each other. By this time we knew about each other more than we knew about ourselves. We have a son as she wished and he was in his grandma’s home taking up the nutritious foods as his nanny concerned. She and I were holding our hands and walking over the rails and also we were looking at each other very often and saying some stories. She was eager in my every word, as the way I was careful in her every move.
She asked me,
"What you were doing before you fell in love with me"
"I was falling in your eyes," I replied.
We were glad for each other that once we failed in love because without that we would never have understood what it means to be with the person whom we love, and why it was important to love the people who would love us in return. These all happened because I didn’t shut my heart after I failed in love.
Some people waste their life by failing in love and losing their hopes that they would ever fall in love again. What matters in love was not whether you have got the one you loved but how much loveable you have became at last.

WHEELS :-
Madhu’s family decided to die than to starve and live in desperations out of the debts and troubles. So, Madhu’s father, brought Jhelebhi and rat poison with the left out money from their mortgaged properties. Mother’s love did not certainly know what the word, ‘poverty’ means, it is always rich. This mother’s love allowed her to give Madhu the jhelebhi because it was sweet and in a little amount because it was soaked with poison. It was because of that Madhu survived while his parents went their abode to the grave.
Madhu - who was left behind the doors of loneliness - was then embraced by the hands of his relations to be forsaken on the roads of orphanage when the creditors started to bang their doors. Left out things (nothing merely) in the Madhu’s house then belonged to the house owner for one years’ unpaid rent.
Madhuresh, the boy of 13 years, knew he had no one to care and no one to look after and so he felt, the whole world belonged to him and he belonged to the whole world. He went to the factory where his father once used to buy the clothes and sell it on various houses by carrying them over his head.
The factory owner, Ramanujam helped the boy. He obtained work from him and gave him things enough for his survival. Madhu worked in that factory and slept there itself. He worked hard. Every day he had to wake up earlier and switch on the electricity in dying unit. Then he had to sweep the floor, take bath and decorate the photographs of Gods, which Ramanujam worshipped. After his breakfast he worked in the packing section, where he had to pack the blankets. In the afternoon he had to suffer in the dying unit. In the evening he had to rush his cycle to deliver the blankets and collect money from the customers. In the midst of all these he also had to fetch tea for his boss or his customers whenever needed. Perhaps, he felt comfortable in this job because he didn’t have to starve and got a good sleep mainly because of the tiredness.
Later the factory business became dull so the owner could not help him much but by giving some blankets. Madhu carried those blankets and sold it. He ate with the money in an intelligent way that he was able to eat as well as buy some blankets for selling them in the next days. This continued for a month. In a business, bargaining and cheating were always a part of it. But he never allowed those parts in his business. He sold his blankets with a fixed price and felt contented with what he got. If he didn’t sell them with a fixed price, he knew that his covet wouldn’t be satisfied. Even when he would have sold it to a higher price, his heart would still be aching that he should have sold it at a higher price still. His father’s blankets never got sold easier mainly because of this reason.
On that day, he roamed all the possible streets, but not even a single blanket sold out. He was ready to sell it on the price he had bought even then no one was ready to buy. Had it been available inside of some glass doors then people would have bought the same for three times more than its original price.
The poor boy of 15 years old could not withstand his hunger. How a poor man was comes into world? It was because he was given birth by another poor soul. How a poor eventually becomes a destitute was always an easy answer. It was because he had to eat when he starves, he had to wear clothes and the clothes he buys did not knows about his poverty that it fades soon& tears away, and he had a family to look after, and he had to grew up his kids. If he couldn’t look after himself even, then why does he want to marry some other and increase the trouble? He being poor didn’t mean that he should be denied of the physical ecstasies. It was not a mistake that he finds some other to look after him and to share his world. Nevertheless, why does he covet to rise up his generation, if he himself starves and was destitute to live? But being destitute didn’t mean that he should not have someone of his own blood, to speak about the life he had lead, after he had gone. Being destitute was not a sin he had committed but giving another poor to this world was really one. However, who knows he may think that his son/daughter may bring fortune and success to their families. If he has that idea then he should make sure that he does everything possible, every work he got, earn every penny he could so that his children never lives destitute and remains as a burden to themselves and the society. If he has this motive behind then he deserves every quality to be a father though he do not have a penny in his pocket to care about the next meal for his children. If happiness is considered to be the sole purpose of life then who is rich and who is poor? It all depends on the size of the desire in the hearts. Who said poor doesn’t have happiness in their lives? We have to just look something other than the holes in their roof. Then only we could see in their lives a beautiful sky giving a cordial welcome. However, practically speaking, if he couldn’t find a roof to shelter his forthcoming generation then he should think twice before giving another soul to this world. The idea behind this is simple, if every man thinks like this, there wouldn’t be any destitute in the world. It was in that moment Madhu made a promise to himself, he would not give birth to another generation until he would make a good foundation to them.
In the evening, he went to a Pani Puri barrow and ate to his appetite. At last, he told the owner to take his blanket as he had no money to give. The owner of that barrow almost had the same story as his. He gave him a job and a place in his own hut. From then, every morning, Madhu woke up and habitually cleaned the barrow, went to the market and bought the flour, mushroom, vegetables, etc. Jagan, owner of the shop was kind towards him and Madhu reciprocated his loyalty to him. Perhaps, Jagan found the boys’ help was useless as he could manage things by himself. So, he made an idea, he gave Madhu a chair, a canny bag and a few utensils & other things.
Madhu then started to live on his own life. He earned and saved the money by carrying a chair on his head and other items packed in a small canny bag that resided over his shoulder. He prepared tasty Gol - goppas and other Puri items in front of the big companies’ platforms. Even when he earned less or didn’t earn at all, he had something to eat and a place to shelter. What else a man wants? He felt contented and his life went smoothly still he saved money for his future family. All the days he toiled and saved the money for the only one reason that he didn’t want the same thing to happen to his next generation, because he knew very well that if his father had thought like this then this plight wouldn’t have happened to him. He used to wonder how his master’s son could go to school while he was left over to work. He wished the same should not happen to his son or daughter. He believed that it was his father’s fault that he was denied schooling.
Jagan was five years elder than him. After years of hard work, he earned enough money to own a shop, and it was the time for him to marry. So with the enough of the money he earned he decided to go back to his native place, Kolkatta and start his own shop. So he gave Madhu his barrow and told him,
“You have to push hard and hold it at times, if you want the wheels of this barrow and your life to run smoothly.”
Jagan went to his native. Madhu found missing of someone dear, but he had no other option. Perhaps, the work, his thoughts, his dream world he built for his child made him busy and gave no room for his worries. Sorrows weren’t new to him so was the departure of his close ones. A man who is often put on to something becomes trained with it and he never feels it trouble as the way he had it in the first time. Because, life teaches many things, the most important of that is acceptance.
Every night he slept in the room of loneliness but his closed eyes built a colorful world for his future. He served people in the evening and earned enough for him and saved money his future family. He was punctual in paying rents and cautious in other expenses and that he was not chained by the thorns of debt which comes along with the poverty.
Time flew and age arrived for Madhu’s marriage. He wished to marry some girl who had the same thoughts like him. A girl who had the same story like his would be the best understanding one he thought. One day he met a maid of a house who had a common wish like him. He married her, and then they started to live a peaceful life. Madhu was so lucky to have a girl like her. She bent with him just like a Rose flower bending in accordance with the breeze. And the same way Rose giving away its fragrance to the breeze, she gave the goodness in her to him and both at last made a beautiful family. They got a beautiful daughter in the next year. His daughter grew in the richness of her parents’ love without having the clear idea of the poverty her parents were combating against in every day. Madhu educated her in the best school and gave her enough freedom.
Life soon went by and he soon became old. He was forty five years old and had half lived his life spending most of it by pushing the barrow to earn a better living for him and his family.
Their angel grew, her wings started to spread. Since she grew in her closed sophisticated room, she didn’t know the struggling story of their parents. She broke the glass walls of the dream world her father had built for her. Reshmu fell in love with a rich guy. She fell in love with a post-master’s son, who was working in the Central government Electricity board of Maharastra. This wasn’t love this was seeking advantage in the name of love. She sought a better life by choosing him in the way of love. She being beautiful, he too fell for him. Though Madhu tried to explain what the necessary thing about life was, she was too busily occupied in the hands of money to lend her ears to him. First he was adamant that he wouldn’t marry Reshmu to him but after Reshmu threatened him and he had no other option than marrying her to him. She was adamant to marry him while his parents were adamant in not marrying him to her.
Finally, against his parents’ wishes, Madhu helped him in marrying his daughter. After his marriage as he was the youngest among the four sons of the family, his parents stayed with their eldest son. They got pension though they were retired, and so the eldest son easily accepted them. Like Madhu, Reshmu too had a great desire to bring up her generation well. Reshmu loved his husband Tanvir a lot. To avoid the nuisance of his father, the family decided to stay in the quarters provided by his job.
Madhu and his wife stayed with their daughter. For the first few months there had been good hospitality and good respect. But after she got her own son, she didn’t like to have them in her house. Madhu everyday woke up at seven o clock, which he dreamed since he was a kid and went to market and came back. He waited for Tanvir to finish his morning business and then he brushed and took bath. He ate and watched television till the evening, while Lakshmi helped her daughter in household works. Tanvir grew impatient that his parents were living separately because of this arranged-love marriage while Madhu living with them financially useless and also supporting his daughter whenever they had an argument.
Tanvir well knew to move the coin efficiently. He explained to Reshmu of how her father and mother were wasting time in their money. He said they had already fought with his parents and living separately and it would be surely difficult for him to manage all of them.
One month later, their hospitality decreased. Reshmu started lamenting about the expenses all the time, though her husband earned more than enough of the money. They always pretended as if they had no money at all. She cooked a meagre food and she said that she was trying to minimize the expenses.
A week later, Madhu called his wife and he left the home after informing her that they were likely to move their old house. Reshmu was happy in hearing that. He felt it is better to toil, struggle and die a respectable death than being unrespectable and enjoy the life. It may have taken years but still he hadn’t forget the excellent way in which he prepared pani puri….
“Take a waste cloth” he called his wife on the next day of his old home. He knew, “We have to push hard if we want the wheels of life to run for life is like a barrow, we have to pull it hard when moves in a steep and push hard to move it in over an ascent.

LoVe@FaCeBook…
I met Payal in Facebook. It was the beginning days of Facebook. I was new to Facebook and didn’t have much of idea of what to do in it. I was very lonely at that youthful phase in my lifee time and I wished there was someone with me to converse. That’s the reason why I logged in Facebook too. I went to home once in a week and I didn’t miss my parents, but I missed real friends, I missed some close ones, where I could safely disclose my secrets. In Facebook, I visited my college’s page to add it as my current education. I saw herPayal’s post on its timeline. Though she had got less cut off marks, she was confident in asking whether she would get MBBS seat in my college by posting her cut off percentage in her query. I liked the post and replied to her query that she had chances to get a seat if she could try a management seat. She replied the next instance that she was from a middle class and she didn’t have enough money to get a management seat and asked me to suggest some other good colleges where she could get a merit seat. I was very impressed with her honesty and the conversation went on. She liked my comment and gave a new comment. I liked her comment and replied another comment. In the midst she sent me a friend request and I accepted it. We started chatting through message. We chatted until midnight, though the conversation had begun in the evening itself. She didn’t post any of her photos in her account and so was I.
As two days went, we started chatting with each other all the time. She said that she admired doctors and though she had given her best in the exams, she could not make up to the level of getting a doctor seat. I motivated her that she still had a chance to BDS but she said she was out of focus and her parents were interested in making her a teacher. We started speaking about our family and parents. She was from Mizoram and I was from Tamil Nadu. I never had guts to speak with any of girls in my school or college and I really wondered how I was casually chatting with an unknown girl from the opposite end of the country. However, still I didn’t tell the truth about myself or my family fully for I was doubtful whether she was telling the truth or not and I didn’t wish to be deceived at last. I have always been like this safe-guarding myself against troubles and rarely trusted people easily for I have already learnt a lot of lessons. I didn’t provide any real details in my Facebook account and everything in it was fake.
The next day I didn’t go to college in order to chat with her. That day I asked for her photograph, she sent many of hers. She wasn’t very beautiful. She looked short, very fair and fat. However, I wasn’t disappointed with that, as I started to like her in spite of how she might appear because I was very impressed with her carefree outspoken attitude and faithfulness. As a week went, I understood she wasn’t lying to me by any means. She would tell the stories of what she did and where she went as the same way I would tell her what I have done during the whole day although, most of our days were spent only by chatting with each other. All the time she didn’t ask for my photograph and I didn’t give it to her. When I asked why she was chatting with me and telling all the secrets about her, she told she trusted me. Soon she swept away my loneliness and brought loveliness, which made me to be addicted with her. Just with her caring words, she made me to fall for her. After all, this was more than enough to make anyone to fall in love. Sometimes I wished just to chat with her all the life without worrying about any other things. I didn’t actually love her. I didn’t even want to marry her and be with her instead I wanted to say my stories to her and listen to her stories in return. This wasn’t love. This was craziness. After she became a trustworthy person in my life, I thought to disclose my identity but then I felt when everything was going fine why I should disturb this normal flow. However, she didn’t ask my photos and that’s the reason I didn’t intend else I would have given my whole real identity. I decided to disclose those details as a surprise to her on some other day.
I told about my love story to my friends. They said love at Facebook was like building a paper house with a hope to live in it. On that night, this was our chat topic. I asked her whether we would be able to live happily in practical life and would she accept someone as her partner even if he was ugly. I wasn’t feared about my appearance. God didn’t deceive me in that but still I wanted to know what was in her heart. She replied that she wouldn’t care how he appears and how he would behave provided he would chat with her and make her happy similar to the way I was doing now. She told me that when we love someone, we should love them stone- deaf and blindly so that only what our heart feels for them should matter and not what others say. I felt there was nothing greater than this trust worthy loving heart and for this I was ready to sacrifice anything. This girl was worthy enough for doing anything.
Then I proposed her with a poem. She didn’t reply for a day and I was broken completely. I disturbed her again and again with my messages and postings in her wall. The same night she sent me photos of two different rings and asked which one I would select to make her mine. There were literal tears in my keyboard. As thought of marriage came, we started to speak much more realistic and practical. We analyzed all the possible chances for us to be together. I finally concluded that I would finish my MBBS degree in another three years and I would come to marry her. I promised her that I would come for her surely one day and asked her to promise me that she would be waiting for me in spite of anything. She said she would surely wait for the day I would be able to marry her. She said, “I will wait for you till forever. If you don’t come then after too, I will still wait for you with a hope that you will come to meet me after forever ends.”
End of that month we became too close. We started treating each other like we were real couple and actual soul mates. It was merely a month I came to know about her and that too I didn’t even have met her face to face but there came a phase in my life where I realized I couldn’t live without her anymore. She had now shown me that there was so much beauty in my life and I could be happy to this extent and nothing would be hurting me if she was with me. And to live without her, I had to erase my memories and make myself believe I was never ever been this much happy and I hadn’t lived my life so soulfully.
She had the counseling for choosing the college next week and we decided to meet each other on my birthday. In the middle of all these, she couldn’t stop posting in my Facebook wall. It was so much pleasure to me to see her postings on my wall. She had her real profile and she didn’t mind what her friends thought. Many of her friends often commented on her post in my wall too and so did my friends. However, my profile being only half real, most of the friends I had were cheapest rascals that they messaged her and disturbed her often. So, I decided to open a new Facebook account with all my real details and add her as my friend and so I deleted my account. That day I started in train to her place, I called her to tell that my real name was Krishna and the Facebook account I had was a fake one. She was surprised and a little angry at me and told me, “I am going to break your face for lying to me when I see you soon.” We both laughed and I decided to reveal every little thing about me after meeting her in Mizoram Railway Station, as we decided. , Meanwhile, my mom called to tell me that my father had become blind suddenly when his cataract removal operation went wrong. I was dumb folded and that hour I became so mad that I didn’t inform her, didn’t call her because I myself wasn’t able to understand what was going in and around me. Only thing which ran in my mind were the worries for my dad. Soon I took the bus to my hometown. In a highway road I was in a hurry and there I met with an accident. An Innova car driven so fast splashed me on the roads. I went unconscious and my spine got factored. I couldn’t wake up for six months. I was in a coma. Six months later, when I opened my Facebook again, I saw her account was deleted and when I called her phone number it was not in existence. I was more dejected by this than seeing myself completely broken by the accident. I was so angry at God for giving me a love story like this and making me lonely once again and that too with her hurting memories now. She would have called to my number but my phone got crashed in the accident already. I didn’t know what she had gone through all these days. I doubted whether she had forgotten me but then I remembered her words, love means trusting someone blindly. I trusted that she would have understood I was in an unavoidable circumstance only because of which I couldn’t make up to meet her. I trusted she would be waiting for me with a hope.
After my recovery, I anticipated a lot to meet her. I tried to see her and went to her village but just by knowing her name and the school she had studied, I couldn’t find her. The school she studied didn’t possess any records of her unfortunately. I went to the places she had told me in our chat. I went to the beach, she had told in chat, where she brought and ate ice creams from a man who had only one hand. I asked about her to him, he didn’t know. I went to the zoo where she had taken photographs with the Bengal tiger, the photograph of which she had sent to me. I went to the bus stand where she said she had lost her ring over there a few months before. In all these places, I could find only her memories but not her. And so, I had to come back to my place after spending a week over that place with a decayed heart drowned in her memories.
After my accident, only my father had helped to rebuild me even when he was completely shaken. Without minding his shame, he borrowed money from every one he knew in order to rebuild me completelypay my medications. I never have experienced such a great feeling when I opened my eyes in a coma to see my parents eyes wetted with tears and smiles. I understood the importance of me to shine because my parents’ happiness depended precisely on this. I decided to study hard and complete my degree, which were my parents’ dreams. I concentrated on my studies and assisted myself during the times I got distracted with her thoughts, but still I logged on to Facebook and checked her name again and again , and waited for her arrival, like a child waiting for her military father by keeping the doors open. However there weren’t any of her footsteps in my wall.
Two years passed, I successfully completed my degree and as a government doctor, I opted transfer to her village with a foolish hope that I would get a chance to meet her. I cherished her everlasting words every day. Missing her, every day I collected a number of poems and seeing her photos in my computer, I sketched how she would be appearing now by myself. In the two years, not even a day passed without thinking about her and when I realized how much she used to love me, I was more hurt that she would be more hurt for missing me. And I promised myself that I would soon end her pain of missing me. I had a strong hope that she was waiting for me somewhere. Like this I passed three months, with everyday waking up with a brand new hope to meet her. It was that day, I was examining patients’ reports and all of a sudden outside those glass walls, I saw someone similar to her; a girl who looked alike Payal. It was Payalher and I was speechless. With her, I saw a man, and it seemed like she got married to him. I prayed to God that she should not have married but before my prayers could reach God, she lay on his shoulders and he held her tightly, making me to drown in the open air because of this sudden disaster. She had said to me that she would surely wait but what happened now, she had cheated me. I wanted to take the incisor blade and give a cut in my arms the same moment and punish myself for believing in her foolishly.
Soon I called my nurse and asked the details about her. She checked and told me that her name was Payal and they both were waiting for the scanning results to know whether their baby was a boy or a girl. My heart was precipitating inside and my body was freezing slowly. They both entered my cabin to have her reports checked. I smiled at them and they too smiled at me, but the difference was I have been sobbing inside. I asked them to wait over there and I took her scan report and went inside the curtains, where patients were usually examined. I pulled the curtain for I could not withstand the pain and I started to cry. I cried silently knowing that if I criedy loudly then they would hear it. For ten minutes, I didn’t come outside. I lay on the patients’ bed. Meanwhile, I overheard what they were discussing. They were speaking about the name they should keep if it was a boy. She said my fake Facebook profile’smy name as the name she wanted to keep for her son. The same name which she trusted to be real during the times we chatted endlessly. Her husband mocked her and they both laughed and remained happy. I knew she had the ability to make anyone to fall for her whenif she could talk with them for a few minutes. Her husband would be presently in so much in love with her, but not more than me.
It was this moment I realized that inside of her heart, she was still waiting for me even when she knew we couldn’t be together once again. It was merely my fault. I didn’t come to meet her on that day and I made her to wait for me for so long. And even now I was going to make her to wait because I don’t want to hurt her by making her to know the fact that I was still waiting for her. When she remembers my profile’s name still now, I know how much she truly loved me. Payal loved me even without knowing my real name and she never have doubted about this not even one time. And somewhere in her heart she still loves me without even knowing who I was really. Her husband seemed to be taking care of her well and some way I felt that’s all enough for me and so I didn’t want to disclose my real me or my real name.
This was a story of trust, love, sacrifice and truthfulness which others wouldn’t easily understand because for them it was merely another time-pass love at Facebook times for we had just chatted for a month and nothing more. But when we love someone blindly and stone deaf only what we feel for them would only matter and not what others say. I know she would have taken this decision to marry someone other than me only under some unavoidable situation and I trust her completely because this is what love is about. I wiped out my tears and came out smiling. I took my seat and focused on her husband. I wished I could at least tell him that he was born so lucky to have a wife like her. They were very curious about the results. Smiling at them, I gave her reports back and told them, “It’s going to be a boy…”

Last good-bye…
Juveria and I always fought with each other for a window seat in our school bus. In the morning, she had no choice to claim my window seat because every morning, my mom would accompanied me and as soon as the bus arrived she would get me inside the bus in the first and then I would walk in a gait to claim my seat. She would enter the bus then after, as normally, no one accompanied her to the bus stop. Keeping a sad face and an angry look she would come and sit near me, even when there are other window seats unoccupied. Same like me, this devilish girl too wanted the same last window seat of the bus. I have warned her many times that it belonged only to me but in the evening, many days she would run faster than me and occupy the seat first, telling me that the seat belonged to the one who came first. She was the one and only enemy for me.
In class, she was sitting in the first bench, while I was in the last bench and only it favored her. During the last five minutes before our last session’s ending, she and I would have packed all our things, waiting for the bell to ring so that we could run fast and catch our window seat. As she was in first bench, she would run in seconds as soon as the bell rung. And there are days, we had got punishments for leaving the class before the bell had rung. Perhaps, the race never ended between us. And that day I ran equally to her and we both were to board the bus, the same moment. And I pushed her away. She fell down breaking her incisor (her upper jaw’s first tooth). I was very afraid. Soon she started crying and I got beated the same instant by the looking-after lady of the bus. I didn’t sit in the window seat that day, I left it for her.
The next day morning, as I was concerned, she came to the bus stop with her nanny. Soon a quarrel broke between her nanny and my mom. Juveria and I remained silent though. I got in the bus and sat in another seat. She went and sat in the window seat. Then after, for the whole year I didn’t sit in that window seat nor did I talk with her. The next year I changed my school.
And in my tenth standard, Juveria joined my school. She was totally changed. Her then pop cut hair was now reached her thighs. She was the girl with the longest hair in our whole school. She didn’t talk nor did I. When I saw her first time, I smiled at her and she smiled at me. When she smiled, I saw only half of her incisor. Five years had passed, since the day I broke her incisor. I still remembered the way she would change her face into a sad one and give an angry look when she became envious. It was so much loveable. When the boys in my class admired the beauty of the newly joined girl, I told them that her cute-looking half incisor was indeed broken by me perhaps, they hardly believed it.
The next month, Juveria’s family shifted back to the previous house they lived, i.e nearer to my house. We had free transportation from our school and that we both once again travelled in a same school bus. However, having grown up, our childish innocence was replaced with our teenage shyness that we both didn’t talk with each other but we would just smile at each other. I tried many times to talk with her but I couldn’t. Every time I saw her, I would smile at her and she would smile at me in return. Like these our days passed. One day after our exams ended, I hooked up a conversation with her asking how she had given her exams. She talked so sweet. The next day in the morning, I came earlier to the bus stop to talk with her again. I said, “Hi,” to her as soon as she came, but her eyes appeared watered. Her father asked me.
“Haven’t they given your progress report yet? Juveria is telling like such,”
I told him a lie that our school had not given our report cards yet. I knew she had lied to her father, as she got failed. From then maybe because of that embarrassment, she didn’t try talking to me and even I didn’t find a chance. We would just see each other and smile and pass on in our ways. One and half year passed like this and she got failed in her eleventh standard. Then after we rarely met each other but whenever we met, we smiled. I wished so many times to talk with her but I was afraid she might not be interested and she would stop offering me that smile even. And when in my twelfth standard a boy noticed and mocked me, I confessed my love for her towards him.
The next she waited for me in our class in the evening. I was so much pleasured on that day. She asked me whether I would give my guides and study notes to her. The next day filling my bag with every study thing, which I grabbed in the last night, I went to her class in the morning by myself to give her. She was so happy. Then after, we met each other often, went to canteen together and I helped in her studies most of the times. In the examination followed, she got passed in all the subjects for the first time in her life and for the first time I got failed in Math. I was angry at her and scolded her, when she came with a chocolate to meet me. I well remember how she kept a sad face and gave me an angry look and moved away. That night I regretted for shouting at her, when I knew I was going to be there in my school only for another three months. I was angry at myself for hating her at that time but loving her in all other times. One month later, when I saw her, I smiled at her, she ignored me as the way she did for many days since the day I scolded her.
Then from next week, we started to talk with each other again. It was my last exam and last day of my school. Feeling too much nostalgic and worried, I wrote her a love letter and I waited to give it to her. I read the letter once again, the poem I wrote appeared too silly. I trashed it and hoped to tell my love by myself.
She came outside the exam hall. I went to her and told, “Today is the last day in my school…”
She told me, “I will miss you…”
I told her that I would come to see her often. She smiled and then another girl came and shouted at her,
“Juveria, they are going to cut cake for Riyaz, come soon it’s getting late…”
Juveria told, “I got to go now… We will meet soon…”
I wanted to tell her that I would wait for her, but I didn’t. I wasn’t getting away from the happiness of hearing her say, she missed me. I hoped I would see her soon. I smiled at her and she smiled at me. I must say that my love feel wasn’t intense, at that time as I felt I wasn’t going to miss her. I started walking. She called, “Krishna,” I turned, and she told me, “bye.”
I thought she was just going to be near my house then how would I miss her. Indeed, I didn’t know I have missed a good chance to talk with her that day and that was the last chance I would ever get to talk with her. Then life happened. After all I wasn’t a hero of a movie to love her all the time. I have so many other things, so many responsibilities, so many roles. A lot other works to distract myself from thinking about her. In my exam holidays, I passed near her house’s way very often. Seeing me, she would smile and I would return it. More than love in my heart, I started to run behind things, which I didn’t know whether I wanted it or not. Then I thought about her every day. Thinking about her caused me so much of pain. I went to study my college degree in other city. Every day, I tried to think about her in a way it would not pain, but I couldn’t. So, I stopped thinking about her, but I couldn’t. Some days, all I wished was to just think about her. I felt why I should worry missing for her, when I was going to get her someday soon. I was confident that after I settle in a good job, I could easily marry her. I knew by the way she smiled at her, even if she didn’t love me, she would at least accept to live with me. Every weekend, I went to my home, too much excited to meet her. My birthday was in the following weekend. And I decided to propose her that week. I wrote a very loveable poem for her in my college. Soon there were riots in my college, after the ancient monument, the Babar Masjid was broken by Hindus.
To resolve my parents’ concerns and apprehensions, I went to my home a week later and by that time the issues and riots are almost dead just like the hundreds of innocent people. It was a beautiful night for me. Sitting in the train I built colourful worlds, living with her. I wondered how even I could feel such things and fall in love, since I thought love is merely in movies, hero wants to marry a girl and when he doesn’t get a chance, he would sing a sad song. Perhaps, then I knew what was meant to be love someone and yearning to loved by them in return. I knew why some goodbyes devastate a soul completely. The next day after reaching my place, I was shocked to see so many huts demolished. I saw some of tyre tubes still burning leaving the pungent smell across the whole city, asking people what they have got at last.
Then next day, my birthday came. My saddest birthday of course, for I learned from my neighbors that most of Islams fled the place, including my Juveria. Without understanding the riddle of my life and mystery of my love, I was confused and hurt of what to do next. Does those foolish politicians knew what it means to think about someone, and all that comes in your mind was the last time, you looked on to them, whom you wanted to look on forever but you never knew that was the last time you were looking at them. We never knew that some of the hopeful and smiling good bye, we said with a hope to see them again was indeed the last good bye.
It looks like yesterday but nine years had passed since that happened. I tried to see her many times, but I didn’t meet a chance. I just wished she loved me. I wished, she was loving me still. I wished she would wait for me. For all those starting two years before I married another girl, I had been crushed in my life totally, regretting about not utilizing those golden chances to speak with her. Perhaps, then I convinced myself, if she had loved me, she would have taken some effort to let me know her heart, after all she smiled, when I smiled at her, that’s it.
Holding the pain, I decided to love again. It was because if we are strong enough, we could love anyone with a wounded heart. Once we love ...We enter a world where it is impossible to get away alive... We dream ... We cry ... We smile or We remain happy it’s all our choice but we have to live in that world with the person we loved in the form of our memories ... When memories don't die until we die then how could the love responsible for it will die...?? We have to know this that we can never ever forget our first love, our battle towards forgetting it was merely worthless… At the same time, we shouldn’t be afraid of it. If we loved truly once, and if we loved dreaming about them in the beginning, then we would surely love remembering those anyway after all those cruel endings too and not always but often we would feel it was all okay…
Now, in this crowded place, we both took the bus. As my daughter’s choice, choice, we had to wait until we got a bus, where she could get a window seat and for that I had to stand for one hour, while this adamant princess was be seated well on my shoulders. No one would believe that a girl of six years was capable of being this much adamant and telling this much wonderful lies. After getting in the bus and making her to sit comfortably on the window seat, I was wondering for how long would she keep her mouth shut? Before I ended my thought she asked me, “Papa, you told you will buy me a new key board…”
I knew I had never told as such. She was lying to me, in which she was specialized. Perhaps, I loved my little girl’s sometimes stupid and sometimes mind-blowing lies. She had such a wonderful creative power to spin up stories.
I asked, “When did I say?”
“You said last week.”
“Last week, I told I will buy you one Barbie doll and as I said I bought you one…”
“No papa, you forgot, let’s ask mama,” she started speaking in Marathi. Marathi was her mother’s language, I never tried to learn in it and never had an intention of learning it, but my daughter learned it soon. And I loved to learn Marathi only if it was my daughter teaching me. I told her that I would not buy her things very often.
“I will buy you only one thing per month.” I tried to win her at least this time. Soon, she changed her face to look sad and with an angry look she told me, I wasn’t buying anything for her nowadays… What I loved in my daughter was this angry look she would give at me by making her face to look sad, thereby making us to regret we should not have let her to this. Need I have to say, just like Juveria indeed. She then tried convincing me with all of her favorite flavors, first being angry, and then being loveable, followed by childishness and if all these doesn’t work, she would win with her Brahma-Ashtra, her teary eyes. And I never stretched the situation to that extent, only her mother does that. She found pleasure in scolding her and then scolding me that I was spoiling her with my pampering. During those times, my daughter would stick to me like a leech, making her mother to scold me more. I finally agreed to buy her one by this week end but she still continued her stories of how all the ones in her class except her was having a keyboard in their home and how much she loved to play it. When I travelled with my daughter, everyone’s eyes in this bus usually rested with us especially on her. Many took a chance to befriend her, some pinched her rosy cheeks and some went beyond and told us that she was intolerably cute and requested a photo with her.
Bus halted in traffic and by that time my daughter was sleep on my lap. People started to board the bus. In front steps, I saw a woman wearing burqa, holding a little boy’s hand and forcing him to board the bus. Her face reminded me of Juveria. It was Juveria indeed with her son. She too saw me. We both recognized each other at the moment we saw each other. Her son appeared to be cute and by this time he stopped crying. We talked with each other a few words, and then I asked her son’s name, she said mine. She asked my daughter’s name I said hers name.

Glass Heart’s Reflections…
He always used to irritate me while eating. I would have told him a thousand times to eat decently. Perhaps, he wouldn’t mind. He would chew his food crunchily and often some pellets of rice would be sticking to his mouth. I hated that in him. One day at McDonald’s, I got mad at him, when the ketchup stuck to his chin and that’s when we quarreled for the first time. I hated these kinds of faults in him more than I loved his perfections. We didn’t know each other before we married. We were so faithful to our parents or maybe a love story didn’t have a chance to be in our lives. We were arranged married couples. We got married two months before. I remember the day, when he saw me for the first time. He was so happy, without minding anything. It looked like neither I nor marriage seemed to be his life changing process, but just another normal activity. I had my own dreams on marriage but those were my pipe dreams, as I wanted to marry only a famous celebrity. I loved collecting the photos of Titanic Hero to all Bollywood stars and dreamed one day I would marry one of them. Perhaps, real life and dreams run in different tracks, a hard lesson I learned in my life. I was very disappointed to see a man, who was not serious about his marriage. But then he said he wanted to talk with me personally. We went outside of our house. Wishing that he would say me a NO, I asked him,
“Will you…” But before I could complete, he completed, “Marry me…?”
I nodded my head, since that moment he appeared to be cute, but then I wished he should have appeared a little cuter as well. I didn’t fall in love with him or such and so does he. We just wanted to end our loneliness, by sharing it with someone another. In real lives, romance is often an ever flying bird; it rarely remains in our hands. Perhaps, I thought I might be his Titanic Heroine and that’s why he asked will I marry him.
And still I couldn’t love him, though sometimes I felt he deserved to be loved. He didn’t have bad habits nor he told any lies perhaps, things he did, often made me to feel that there was nothing wrong to hate him. He had so much imperfections and faults. Then one day I was feeling sick. It was in the midnight and I was feeling thirsty to drink water, but I felt so tired to get up and move to the kitchen to drink water. Then he switched on the lights and woke me up. He was having a glass full of hot water and compelled me to drink and have the tablets, which rested with his hands and then lie down. After I had the tablets, he didn’t say a word, switched off the lights and lied near me. The next morning my health was okay and I noticed that I had slept too late. When I woke up, he got ready for his office and said he would order the food for me. He shouted at me of why I was being careless with my health and asked me to take rest for the whole day.
In that following night we were eating Chapattis. The same way, he crunched his food with an irritating sound without minding anything. Still like a primary kid, the gravy stuck in his lips. This time it didn’t irritate me and make me to hate him. This time, I felt, I should love his imperfections more than I love his perfections. When I was sick, I understood we need people to love us more when we are not capable; we need love when we are in odds; we need people to love our faults more than our perfections. After all anyone could love our perfectness but only a special one could love us fully, love our imperfections especially. Only that special person could be our valentine and eventually our soul mate. I didn’t say a word. I didn’t want to bring up a fight with this little issue and hurt him and myself eventually. By the time I was watching his childish activities; he took the chapattis from my plate and went to watch television. We sometimes fight, argue and hate but what my heart knew is that he was the one who loves my imperfections and faults, and someday when I became old and feeble, I know he will hold on to me. The same way I know he too believes the same.
It was then I understood where I went wrong. Just because he didn’t message me or call me, I thought, he didn’t give importance to me. I wanted him to tell me that I was special and how much he missed me on every passing minute. But he never conveyed that to me and just because he didn’t say missing me, I thought he had never felt missing me.
I wanted to convey him that my love for him was growing now. Two other days passed, he made me feel lonely thinking about him. I was hurt because I felt he didn’t give importance to my love. The same night he came with a toy and told me, “This was so cute just as you and I bought it”. I felt moved and special.
I told him how I felt few minutes before and how I feel now because of him. He said, “I didn’t think you will be thinking this way. I am sorry.”
That night we both understood that we were humans and not literally missing- pieces or soul mates and just because we married each other, we would understand each other’s thoughts by ourselves. We all have our own thoughts and our perceptions about the things we see in this world. Then how will we know about what was in others’ hearts, when our hearts were not glass indeed? Had I not told him what I was feeling, he wouldn’t have known it and I would have worried everyday why he never understood my feelings. It was on that day, we decided that whatever may be we vowed to speak with each other of what we really feel, how our day was and what we really wanted from each other. We decided to speak our hearts out until a day we would understand it by ourselves. He conveyed what he wanted as the way I conveyed what he needs to change. Romance in movies and novels are often different in real lives, here romance is unrealistically real that it is mostly an illusion, which we wouldn’t see easily until we could see it with four eyes, two hearts and one soul.
We still are not perfect for each other still. Some way we our own love story had given a bud and by the time we started treating each other special and understood the need for it our romance too blossomed and it would continue until we became literal soul mates and forever after it. And now I think about the day I first saw him, that time I felt I could never love him even when I could marry him. But now I am glad that we didn’t love before, if we had we would have understood why we both should marry each other and when marriage wouldn’t work out, we would wish to go back to our old loving days, where we had enough freedom of ourselves. But maybe because we got married first and we understood why we should love each other and when marriage doesn’t work out, we think about loving each other more.

23. A Golden car…

I well remember my childhood days; I loved so much to go in my father’s bike. I would sit on the front his bike. He would get assurance from me that I would not be naughty in his bike and hold him tightly. He would slowly drive and used to say me that someday when I was going to drive, even I should drive slowly like the way he drives. Then I grew up a little and then when he got my assurance that I would hug his belly tightly and would not fall, he accepted my wish to sit in the back seat of his bike but still he checked often whether my hands are surrounding his belly. I grew up a little more. I was in my high school. When he understood that I need time to study, he gave me his bike and got assurance from me that I would always drive slowly. I grew up a little more. I went to college. With his saved money, he got me a wonderful bike and this time he got an assurance that I would not be taking many girls and roaming around. I grew up a little more. I got my own car, seeing the car my father told me, "I very much like the golden coloured cars, but others think it’s weird, and I am very happy that you cared for what you like than what others would think." There was a big happiness in his face. This time with his favorite song in my car, sitting my near he asked me, “From next time will you assure me that you won’t hear songs and lose concentration on driving…” Then after he asked me, "Do you know what the first toy I bought for you is?" I said, "I don't remember..." "It’s a sports car..." he said. My mom sitting in the back seat, sharing the space with my wife told me about the story of how I was adamant and didn't eat for a day crying that I needed a car. And how my dad worked overtime and went walking to the office to save the petrol cost and bought me a big sized car almost for half of his week’s salary. She smiled and said, “I scolded him too much on that day and on every time when I saw you rushing the car across our legs.” Then on every day I dropped and picked up my dad from his office in my car. One afternoon, I received a call that he got a heart-attack. I rushed to the hospital. My mom looked desperate worrying on the cost of the operation. I paid the money and he recovered a month later. On the way back to our house in the bus, my dad said, "I wish you didn’t sell the car for my operation..." We all became speechless. Then I asked him, whether he remembered the color of the sports car he had bought for me. He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “It’s Golden colour…”.

24. ONE SIDED LOVE:
Hearing these waves, I used to feel like I was capable of listening to what he was thinking in his heart. But why should this be like such, when he can speak and I can hear. Why should I miss him when he is alive and breathing well somewhere. Why should I always waste my life by imagining what was in his heart. While I was thinking about him all the time, he would be living somewhere and what’s the use in it? He wouldn’t know that I think and I know would know what he was thinking about. Being practical I don’t find any chances with which are connecting each other. Nothing as such in a one side love, when you think of someone its your fate to waste your life like this and no good is going to happen to you or to the people you love. In a double side love, though they fight and their ego clashes it has a use it has a meaning. Perhaps, one side love is a waste of time. You melt as a candle for someone everyday and they live somewhere without even knowing minding that.
They say old age would hurt us a lot because our body would have lost all its strength and young age is the time, where we would enjoy a lot with all our strength. However, the truth is young age hurts us more. Heartbreaks, people ignoring us, failing every time we try, going unrecognized, love stories with a dreadful end, being bullied, every hurtful thing happens only in this so called glamorous age. A little bend might seem like an end of the road. If we close our eyes for a little moment and if we are careless for a split second, we would watch beautiful things moving away from us. But we should not be carried away, nothing is going to happen just because we lie and cry. Those hurtful arrows aimed at us would not be taken back because of this. We should face those arrows, which are meant to hurt us. We should shield against those with our ever-lasting hopes. We should not be afraid but catch those arrows which are meant to shatter us and throw it back to those who aimed those towards us. Even when we know major part of life is still lying ahead of us, we would feel every hurtful day as the ending day of our life. But we should learn to make excuses, and find a thousand ways to enjoy every single day in our youth life, because after we get aged, our body would be powerless as they say. This is the only thought which wants me to be young.
It was that day he had been working in my new office since one week. We all had a single room for having our lunch together. I opened the door too fast I suppose that he leaning on the door went and fell down two feet away. He soon got up. I was fully embarrassed and I thought he was going to scold me but instead he smiled and told,
“Men should be careful with you; else you could damage all their bones for you got such a power in your arms…”
His cool way of handling this situation relieved me. I was impressed. Yes he fell and soon he got up but I fell in a way I couldn’t get up. I fell for him forever.
He came to my office as a new academic writer. And I was the project co-ordinator once again, I saw him on the beach, our office was nearer to the beach and its was just very romantic. He was sitting on the beach and writing something. I knew he was writing his stories. After adding him in Facebook, I came to know he was a great writer. I googled his stories and read those stories. I wished the story should not be good and he must not be a good writer because for every impressive story I read I know the chances for me to make him mine were getting shortened.
I was right on that day. I felt I would not get him.
Now here I am sitting on the same beach wishing I was born lucky enough to hold him and be his wife. Perhaps, that never happened. When he went away I couldn’t accept his departure as the way I could not accept his, “I can’t marry you” to my proposal. Perhaps, now I got adapted to my life and everything is going fine as I accepted it. I am now ok with everything and today I came to this beach after long days, since the day I quit my job, because today I am going to get married with another man fixed by my parents. And I wanted to spend some time in this beach where I spent most of my times.
They say after all your love is one sided whereas there are many who have loved double side and have to live separately. Are you hurt more than this? Like such they ask… But the truth is in double sided love, when he cries she would care for him and when she cries he would care for him… Though they live separately, at least they would know there is someone who wanted to see them happy. But in case of one sided love there is no one to share love and no one to the share the pain… I know what they say is right but without her I couldn't feel the same feeling even after loving with someone for a hundred years... They say one side love is a stupid thing because here the pain, love, heartbreaks and every other thing is shared by no one other but by the only one, who possesses it and no one other. They ask me when the person to whom you give your love doesn’t accept it then how will you say it as a love?. They say me I don’t understand about true love and affection but the truth is I know what love is because I give without wanting to get love in return. And I know they won’t understand but I won’t care because as they say after all, it’s a one sided love and none needs to understand it when it only matters to the only person who possess it and it’s me to whom it matters indeed.
25. * <3 accident="" an="" if="" meeting="" nbsp="" p="" were="" you="">
A guy, who sold groundnuts, those groundnuts I bought from him and the last twenty rupee note rested in my pocket were the reasons why I fell for her. It was that beautiful day I met her. Same like other days, I was walking on the streets my office to my home in the evening. Then I saw this man selling groundnuts boiled and fried. I had twenty rupees. Five rupees was my bus fair. I went to buy groundnut for ten rupees. He said, he would give only for fifteen. I said ok. Then he said he doesn’t have five rupees and asked me to buy for the whole twenty rupees. That day I wore some really good dress and ID card was hanging in my neck. How would I explain him that this twenty rupees was the total money I was left with as it was month’s end. Perhaps, without saying a word, I bought groundnuts for whole twenty rupees and started walking towards my home eating the groundnuts one by one.
I was walking near McDonald’s. It was the first day McDonald’s was set up in my city. Seeing the glass building of McDonalds, I told myself that I would come with my friends as soon as I get my salary the next week. It was that time; I met her by an accident, a literal one. I was eating groundnuts, seeing those tall buildings and walking in the service road blindly. Luckily it was her lavender coloured Scooty pep that hit me. Nothing happened to my body, but my soul got damaged irreparably. I told sorry. She didn’t say a thing, but held me by my ID card and asked for the repair cost. I promised to pay once I get my salary. She took my phone and called her phone number in my phone only to know that my phone was running out of balance. So, she asked my number and saved it in her phone.
The next week salary came and I became the king once again. I was going to remain as the one until the date goes in double digits. My friends and I went to eat in McDonalds. I saw her eating with her friends. It was only during that time I remembered, that I forgot to give the repair cost to her. She came near me and asked, “Where is my money?”
I didn’t speak anything but took a five hundred rupee note and gave it to her. Like this our love story started. Our relationship lasted with endless calls and chat messages for one year. Then Pihu’s parents started seeing groom for her. She tried explaining of how we shouldn’t hurt our parents but that didn’t work out. We looked out for a way to be together and marry each other but that remained impossible just because she wore a cross across her neck symbolizing Jesus and I wore a sacred thread across my body and I was born and brought up as a Hindu. I had the hope to convince my parents or courage to oppose them and marry her. Pihu lacked both. Our love story was like one of a perfect romance movie while the ending of it was exactly like one of a bitter real life misery.
Our parents quarrel, real life pressure and middle class stature chaining us we couldn’t find much options but let go off each other’s love and survive in our life. The last night we met was in the same McDOnalds, where we met each other for the first time. She cried, I didn’t. She spoke many things and I remained silent. She at last said that after we get married, we would surely separate from our partners and join our hands together again. I scolded her. She explained that we both would get married as our parents wish more or less in the same time frame but explaining our love story to our partners or hiding it from if choices limit so, we would surely wait to be together once again. I slapped her for her foolishness and possesiveness towards me and cunningness for considering others lives for her own goodness. I blamed her and asked her to elope with me but she remained patient and unaltered. We parted from each other, she still said she would surely find an eternal way to be together with each other once again even if it was a wrong way even if a hell lot of years get passed in our marriage life. At last, we decided to warn our parents with the same thing too. Perhaps, I still said I wouldn’t cheat an unknown the same way I wouldn’t allow her too and once we get married, it meant everything was end between us. We both were very realistic and when our cries and warning didn’t work with our parents, we got married someone other with tears in our eyes and pain in our heart. My own marriage were more sort of a funeral, when I realised I am going to slip my life in the form of a toe ring to a new girl I didn’t know. I cursed myself for my foolishness, Pihu for her cowardice, and our parents for their selfishness. At the end of the day, I was married and my life was now with someone other’s hands, which I never thought.
What to tell about my wife. She remained happy always. She remained happy in our marriage. She didn’t care much about anything. When after our marriage, when I didn’t speak with her for a weak, she came up to me and said, “I am a girl who will be lost in new roads. You can take me along with you to your home ten times in the same path, but in the eleventh time I will keep on wondering the path, which leads to your home. In a shopping mall, I would be lost while I search my favorite dress. Yes I would be totally lost in shopping, reading books and watching movies but somehow I would manage to find a way. Perhaps, this time I know I am fully trapped and it’s all in your hands to save me or not because this time I am lost in YOU forever… “Despite that I didn’t love her, my wife, Kayal remained happy speniding most of time with my parents. Kayal seemed innocent and unromantic and I felt sorry that I couldn’t love her.
I often remembered how Pihu and I loved each other that we managed to separate from each other mutually. How patient she was during our last day, how much she wanted to be with me neglecting everything which might shame her. How much I wanted to marry her in the church. Remembering those I cried and hurt myself. My marriage didn’t have any difference in my life except that there was another girl in my house. In two months, I tried to talk with Pihu by getting her new phone number from our friends. She flew overseas with her husband and wanted to know how life with her was. Attending my call, she said, she didn’t want to talk with anyone, who would remind the worst life she had in past. I was broke. I ended the call and mailed my heart out. Her reply was more cruel.
Yet inside of my heart, I know people like her would love someone for their goodness and for the same reason they would pretend hating them. I called her often the reply remained the same and my mails ended with no-replies. A last mail came from her saying she had spammed my id. I really wanted to see her husband wondering how he was able to make her convince her mind this much. In one of the angry mails, she replied she had been in love with many wrong guys and I was one of them.
in a week, my wife called me and asked me to come to the Santhome church, as she had to speak a crucial thing with me. When I entered the church with irritation, I couldn’t find her. I went inside the prayer room. She stood there.
She knelt before me and asked,
“Will you love me?”
With tears, I hugged her and I too knelt down remembering how much I wanted to marry a girl in the church. She stood above and with a ring in her hand, she asked
“Will you marry me?”
Our proposal was a reverse one. We proposed love after our marriage. She proposed our marriage standing up and I accepted kneeling down while it was the other way in other stories of life and love. Most of the people in the church were her friends and relatives and in front of them we got married again. Even our parents remained in the church as Kayal managed to bring everyone to the church knowing the way I wanted to get married in a church. When I asked how she knew my wish, she said she read in my diary.
Though I had lived a happy married life for twenty years, I still couldn’t forget Pihu of my life. Seeing the McDonalds reminded me her beautiful face even when I had lost contact of her since nineteen years. And that day Mcdonalds was replaced with a new hotel, I felt happy someway. Then for the first time our status enhanced that we got a chance to tour overseas with my saved money. We all packed our things to Netherland, the place I always wanted to go, where Pihu resided.
Kayal then confessed me in the airport that it was Pihu who called and told her of how much I wanted to get married in a church. We went to meet Pihu. We stayed in Pihu’s big house for a week. For all these years we thought Pihu was happily married with her husband and had a happy family, but then her story was a non guessed twist. Her husband divorced her to marry his love of the life with mutual understanding.
In an evening time, I asked Pihu why she didn’t wish to be with me as she said even when I was ready after our marriage and after her divorce.
She said, “I didn’t marry my husband by loving him or trusting he will love me, but it hurt me when he divorced to marry his girl… It was that time I wondered how it would pain for kayal who married you with a trust that you will love her and take care of her life.”
I wondered the love both the girls possessed for me. A girl, Pihu sacrificed her happiness for my life while another sacrificed her life, Kayal, for my happiness. Without knowing what to do, I loved both of them equally. Perhaps, it was the generousness and understanding of my Kayal, which had made my life beautiful. Only after hearing Pihu, I thought again and again of this innocent and ever-happy girl’s blind decision to marry me just because she believed I would love her someday. I asked myself of whether I was really loving her well enough.
In one marriage hall, in on our wedding day, I proposed Kayal to marry me in the Muslim way. When one day I asked what way she wanted to get married again, she said, the Muslim way which was the only way left. In front of all our parents, our two twin daughters, our relatives, friends and Pihu I married her again after twenty one years. When I married her the third time, for the first time in my life I saw Kayal shed tears.

26. Sonai and Nandha…
It was Sunday, Sonai entered his room. It was fully vomits and liquor bottles filled the distant spots. He struggled, took every step carefully and finally reached the bed where Nandha was sleeping. He felt happy that he had escaped from those vomits and he woke up Nandha, who was lying like a corpse. Nandha woke and immediately vomited on his shirt.
He felt like shit, when he realized he crossed all those shits carefully to end up in a greater shit on his shirt finally. Perhaps, he felt he was his friend after all and asked,
“Nandha what happened? Why are you doing like this, idiot?”
He washed his face with the beer he had underneath his bed and told Sonai that he was hurt too much and wanted to end his life.
“Why so? Why is this new drama?” Nandha asked him out of his confusion.
“You know Priya, she is going to marry another one,”
“Who?”
“Arey! You don’t know about my Priya… ”he smiled and showed the photo of a girl.
Nandha kept a sad face, cried and told him that he wouldn’t survive if she married another. He took up a poison bottle and told him that he would drink that if he didn’t do something to make her live with him.
“If you tell one thing to Sonai, it’s like telling ten things to someone,” Sonai told.
“I do not understand what you are saying,” Nandha told.
“This is philosophy it will take some time for you to understand,” he gave a hero look.
“Come with me, we will break the marriage and get her married to you,”
Nandha told that he was fully drunk and he wouldn’t be able to come with him. Sonai patted his back and asked him to sleep and dream about her so that by the end of the dream he would be with her.
“Dude, take my bike,” Nandha told and threw his key to Sonais.
Sonai took his bike and reached the mahal where Priya’s marriage had been going on. Along with five of his friends, at the time Priya was about to get married, Sonai broke into the mahal and attacked the groom and took the girl by his hands,
“Priya, don’t worry. I will get you married with Nandha,” he told her.
“Who is him? Why you want to get me married to him,” she asked in confusion.
By the minute, he was shocked; his five other friends fell on feet when those men from the marriage rolled him and piled him up into paper. One week after bed rest, he went to see Nandha next Sunday. He was in the same position he had seen lastly, liquor bottles rolled everywhere. He went near him and thought to give a kick on his spine. But before that Nandha saw him and started crying. Sonai was moved and asked him why he was crying. Nandha took up a girl’s photo, showed it to him and told,
“I would die, if I don’t get her…”

27. Police.. Police.. Police..

This is a different type of Police story. He argued with ministers and with the whole department that police is wrongly using their powers. They are meant to protect people and not to threaten them. They are meant to arrest criminals but not to kill them. They are meant to control injustice but not to eradicate it by tortures. He couldn’t know why people who committed mistakes were so afraid of them, they should be afraid of the court and not to them initially. Somewhere whole system is flawed isn’t it?
“You will courageously stand up against things you don’t wish, only if you know you are strong enough to stand against it by yourself. But the fact is you can’t feel yourself strong enough to stand against something until you start doing it…”
He got many of the rogues in his control. But they were merely trunks of anarchism. He know there must be some change which made humans to become goons and contract killers. And if police start killing people like them, then the killing would go on for a major time period, as one dies, another will emerge as new because that something which changes them would be still present. He realized what police had to do is to identify the thing that changes them to be like this and then they have to eradicate that change. Police has to cut the roots of the tree and not the branches… The whole roots initially began in the politicians. He grouped those people and turned them against the politicians and criminals. With the help of these people he tried to control the faults and all other criminal injustice activities going over that place.
It was like that.. Once a police arrested his father and instead of showing him before the court and getting the punishment, they tortured him. The latti stick mistakenly entered his trunk and his father was wounded to the extreme. Then that police mean took his father to a mountain and put a bullet in his head. Police is there to take care when people do crimes but who is there to control when police themselves are committing the mistakes?. He wanted to tell people of where the power is going wrong and how a real police man should be if they were trained in the way they should be. It was some people, who changed the system this way. They introduced false encounters to kill real rogues but soon some police men took advantage of this and false encounters were used to kill false rogues too. There are people who are ought to decide what punishment they really owe and every police man’s duty is merely to produce the victim in front of the faces of justice but not to merely to kill itthem. Police should be seen as heroes by common people but a police man shouldn’t himself see him as a hero. He should see himself as a common person with power.
That minister wrongly used rogues to win his election and all those causes. Arjun stood against those and that way Roshan came into the scene. Roshan changed from being a rogue and wanted to lead a good life. Arjun showed them all the means. IF every man who once entered the jail returns back to the same jail with his increased criminal statuses then for what purposes jails are there.? When that minister took a gun and threatened to kill Roshan, Arjun took his gun and asked him to drop the gun. He said, he was ought to protect people. Either it be a rogue or be a politician but the first preference goes to politician but since he is one danger here, now he is ought to protect another. Minister didn’t drop the gun instead he shoot Arjun and tried to shoot him also but Roshan escaped.
And then Roshan’s friend Bose who was also saved by Arjun tried to kill the politician Roshan stopped him. He told, “We wouldn’t get another one to protect us like the way we got Arjun, we are not gullible here. Let those politicians do anarchism like these until one day all the people realizes this and stands against these. We are not the one here even we have our lives and we have no need to sacrifice it for foolish people who cannot stand up against for themselves. This politician needed to be killed but I won’t do it anymore by myself and end up in jail. I will let people know and if they really want let them all join their hands together and stand up against him”
In the elections the politician once again using his man power illegally won the elections. Rosan and Bose took a cylinder in front of the minister’s car and blew out the cylinder.

Krishnanena

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Israel And Palestine Conflict - India's Support Palestine

Friday, July 11, 2014

Kaleidoscope 2 Back up